i hope you all enjoyed reading it:)
please tell me if you have any suggestions to make this piece much better...
all your suggestions are highly welcomed:)
please do rate and review..
many thanks
saumya:)
My Review
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Your message is clear & interesting, but as I mentioned in another recent review, everything is stated in general terms. This is why a reviewer such as "ginsy" (below) may make such an observation that everything seems redundant. I believe the reason for this is becuz every other poem sounds the same when all are written in general terms. As writers, we must reach deep for the specific details of knowable, touchable situations, & convey them in word pictures using all the senses . . . these are the ways we make each message stand out, instead of just saying some general idea about life that's been said before too many times. Instead of saying "someone very dear and close to us" (ho-hum!) . . . SHOW ME what this person is/was to you! WHY DO WE CARE if this person is remembered or not? SHOW instead of telling . . . each little remembrance that lasts so much longer than the actual situations of life. Paint word pictures of the way he/she looked at you as if he/she wanted to . . . (fill in the blanks) . . . use unusual comparisons to things we can all relate to . . . don't just tell me there's a box of memories . . . SHOW ME what memories are in that box . . . is it the dried up corsage from your first prom? what's in there? what matters to you? I'm sorry for going on a rampage here, but it drives me crazy when a person who writes so well, as you do, & you clearly enjoy writing, but you're not injecting yourself & your essence & your specific observations about life into your messages. I want to kick you in the butt to wake up your senses & to shake loose the details of what makes a memorable moment memorable for YOU!
Heh! I loved the way it worked, so hard, to get to the end and then, in a fit of hungry zeal proclaimed the finale with a subliminal hint that something "sweet and sour" will be the reward.
100 veggie eggrolls
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
thank you soo much Tam for the lovely review:) am very glad u enjoyed the write:)
I really like how this speaks of how we touch and impact one another's lives, no matter how briefly the encounter. Memories, if positive, are certainly something to treasure. Nice writing here ! Justine
Hi all:)
this is me....Saumya
well, i don't have much to tell you all about me..
but yes to start with,
I love writing & painting.(you can find some of my paintings in the "my photos" section of.. more..