i hope you all enjoyed reading it:)
please tell me if you have any suggestions to make this piece much better...
all your suggestions are highly welcomed:)
please do rate and review..
many thanks
saumya:)
My Review
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Your message is clear & interesting, but as I mentioned in another recent review, everything is stated in general terms. This is why a reviewer such as "ginsy" (below) may make such an observation that everything seems redundant. I believe the reason for this is becuz every other poem sounds the same when all are written in general terms. As writers, we must reach deep for the specific details of knowable, touchable situations, & convey them in word pictures using all the senses . . . these are the ways we make each message stand out, instead of just saying some general idea about life that's been said before too many times. Instead of saying "someone very dear and close to us" (ho-hum!) . . . SHOW ME what this person is/was to you! WHY DO WE CARE if this person is remembered or not? SHOW instead of telling . . . each little remembrance that lasts so much longer than the actual situations of life. Paint word pictures of the way he/she looked at you as if he/she wanted to . . . (fill in the blanks) . . . use unusual comparisons to things we can all relate to . . . don't just tell me there's a box of memories . . . SHOW ME what memories are in that box . . . is it the dried up corsage from your first prom? what's in there? what matters to you? I'm sorry for going on a rampage here, but it drives me crazy when a person who writes so well, as you do, & you clearly enjoy writing, but you're not injecting yourself & your essence & your specific observations about life into your messages. I want to kick you in the butt to wake up your senses & to shake loose the details of what makes a memorable moment memorable for YOU!
Your message is clear & interesting, but as I mentioned in another recent review, everything is stated in general terms. This is why a reviewer such as "ginsy" (below) may make such an observation that everything seems redundant. I believe the reason for this is becuz every other poem sounds the same when all are written in general terms. As writers, we must reach deep for the specific details of knowable, touchable situations, & convey them in word pictures using all the senses . . . these are the ways we make each message stand out, instead of just saying some general idea about life that's been said before too many times. Instead of saying "someone very dear and close to us" (ho-hum!) . . . SHOW ME what this person is/was to you! WHY DO WE CARE if this person is remembered or not? SHOW instead of telling . . . each little remembrance that lasts so much longer than the actual situations of life. Paint word pictures of the way he/she looked at you as if he/she wanted to . . . (fill in the blanks) . . . use unusual comparisons to things we can all relate to . . . don't just tell me there's a box of memories . . . SHOW ME what memories are in that box . . . is it the dried up corsage from your first prom? what's in there? what matters to you? I'm sorry for going on a rampage here, but it drives me crazy when a person who writes so well, as you do, & you clearly enjoy writing, but you're not injecting yourself & your essence & your specific observations about life into your messages. I want to kick you in the butt to wake up your senses & to shake loose the details of what makes a memorable moment memorable for YOU!
A lot of this poem seems... redundant. We remember things from past and present. Memory is a thing that exists. So what? That seemed to be the part you got stuck at.
'Everything that happens, .. leaves its essence, .. in a wonderful form, .. called.. Reminiscence.....'
Lovely words, lovely thoughts.
Why bother to do anything, go anywhere, meet people, think wonders, if you're not going to treasure the experiences you've created for yourself? Reminiscing, look back, remembering, renews parts or even moments of life that make you who you are.
I haven't seen much people have a sanguine approach towards their past. Perhaps it is thought to be of no use for our future, which most people emphasize on in life. Celebrating reminiscence, even knowing that it makes us remember our embarrasing and abhorrent mistakes, is a great idea. Past should be respected, and your attitude of reverence towards everything is something very desirable. Nice thought.
Beautiful, moving lines. Better balance in your meter with this one.
NOTES: If you're going to pick out the word "reminiscence" in color, you should do so each time and pick a color scheme that is somehow tied together; for example, follow the prism, or set fades like the colors of flame -- some kind of unity in the choice of colors.
Hi all:)
this is me....Saumya
well, i don't have much to tell you all about me..
but yes to start with,
I love writing & painting.(you can find some of my paintings in the "my photos" section of.. more..