The Puppies..

The Puppies..

A Poem by Saumya

One morning,
when i stood behind
my window,
enjoying the cool breeze,
and the delicate morning sunshine,
I saw something
really fine,
which i'd simply
love to define....
I saw the puppies,
one and two and three and four,
all sitting
in front of my door..
One was white,
the other black,
one was brown,
and the other
white, with some black spots
over his body and head..
They looked lovely,
as all animal's kids normally do,
but it was 
their little faces, innocent eyes,
and tiny toes which made them
really sweet..
I couldn't stop,
seeing them from far,
so ran downstairs
to see them 
more clearly than from far..
but oh! i saw their mother,
standing beside those four,
filled with anger,
till her nose..
as if warning saying,
no need to come close..

Later that day,
when i saw their mother,
not present their anymore,
I went near them,
and saw them playing,
and some, even
biting each others toes..
I put some chapattis,
for them to eat,
but sadly, they couldn't,
as they didn't had teeth..

Each time when i 
went near them,
they came running to me,
licking my feet,
as if they waited for me
to play with them,
whenever i was free...
And being with them,
really made me pleased..

At evenings
when the children played,
these four eagerly ran behind them
to play,
and this at times,
made the kids
really afraid...

When children used to play
with the ball,
they grabbed it
in their little mouths and feet,
and passed it on to all...
and the game turned
even more interesting overall..

We named those four,
by four great names,
Jack, Joe, Peter, and Jane..
They hated chapattis,
but loved the candies,
that we fed them with,
again and again..

They enjoyed with us,
the most they could..
and we loved them all,
more than anyone else would..

Days passed, and they grew big,
but they are as great,
as they always stood,
even more than that, before they would
and much more than, a human ever would...

They guard our house,
in our absence
and detered unknown creatures 
from entering there..

Just some chapattis,and
sweet candies,
and our bond became
so strong and happy..

Lots of love,
to those little puppies
who taught us
how should a human be,
caring, lovely, sweet,and
above all,
the most faithful creature indeed... 


© 2013 Saumya


Author's Note

Saumya
i hope you enjoyed reading this...
i would be really happy if you will review and rate it:)
regards,
saumya

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

This is a gorgeous tale about puppies and the love that humans share with animals, dogs in particular. The beginning of your poem is really good, I was kind of sad when the rhyming disappeared but the story you describe in great imagery is solid and makes for a nice read. Grammatically, this is one of your better writes for sure. In this line the verb tense should be changed, "didn't had teeth.." to "didn't 'have' teeth.." and your use of the word "abstain" isn't really appropriate because it means 'stay away from' and not 'keep away from' which is more of what you were going for. I suggest: dissuade, discourage or deter maybe if you want to go even simpler, 'stop'.

All in all a very nice poem Saumya

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Saumya

11 Years Ago

Thank you soo much Astro:) really glad you liked it:)



Reviews

You seem to be a master at writing cute poems. There are some good lines here along with a beautiful message. I was inspire to write your second verse in another way cuz it was so cute. You may have this tiny poem as a gift to keep as your own: It's in /0/0/0/ syllable meter whereby / is an accent and 0 is a non-accent. It sings like a song: If you wish to turn your entire poem into a song, you'll need to do that yourself since this is your poem and not mine:

Puppies

I saw puppies at my door
they were brown and white and black
altogether there were four
one had spots upon his back.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Marvelous ! I know exactly where you're coming from and so nice to know your puppies are still with you and all part of one big happy family, the way it should be ! We can all learn so much from dogs and your splendid poem highlights this so well !

Posted 11 Years Ago


An indeed Nice written, i really like it,

Posted 11 Years Ago


Who doesn't love puppies?
Great topic to write about.
As a poem, I would like to see you be more succinct in your phrasing. You did this well in some stanza's like, "Just some chapattis,and sweet candies, and our bond became so strong and happy.. Lots of love, to those little puppies who taught us how should a human be, caring, lovely, sweet,and above all, the most faithful creature indeed... "
You wrote your thought with expressive flare in these last two stanza's very well.

Yet at time, the stanza felt like you were telling a story in plain and simple terms more like an essay than a poem. This one is a good example of being overly plain I feel, "Later that day, when i saw their mother,
not present their anymore, I went near them, and saw them playing, and some, even biting each others toes.. I put some chapattis, for them to eat, but sadly, they couldn't, as they didn't had teeth.."
Also, a few grammar errors splashed around as well... like, "as they didn't *have* teeth".
These little things can be easily corrected.
Overall, I see a loving mind and a warm heart. You see the details well and you just need to find a was of getting all those details felt and implied without actually listing them all...
I hope you continue to see the beauty in this world and share your thoughts in writing.
Well done new friend.
Scott.

Posted 11 Years Ago


If you don't love puppies something is wrong with you.

Posted 11 Years Ago


The best friends I've ever had in my life have all been of the canine persuasion. As someone else once said...every time a dog leaves my life, he takes a piece of my heart with him. And every time a new dog comes into my life, he gives me a piece of his heart. Perhaps, one day, if I am very good, God will bless me, and I will have the loving, loyal heart of a dog...

Posted 11 Years Ago


This is a very touching and sweet poem....good write:)

Posted 11 Years Ago


huhhhhh....
so cute, words are flying sis...
really i do that too but the day a kitten eat my finger and partly succeed, i just stop doing that.
but i still love animals and try not to get eaten by them...lol
i really enjoy!!!!!!



Posted 11 Years Ago


Saumya

11 Years Ago

o sis..:) that made me really smile...nd i wish that these creatures might not harm you again..:)read more
wow.. that's a really nice story you've placed into your narrative poem.. and I really loved the ending "Lots of love,
to those little puppies
who taught us
how should a human be,
caring, lovely, sweet,and
above all,
the most faithful creature indeed..."
it wasn't complicated to read and was very heart-fulfilling. really liked it :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Very touching...And I totally agree, we all should definitely take notice as humans to aspire to the qualities of puppies...Very inspiring write!!

Posted 11 Years Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1972 Views
59 Reviews
Rating
Added on August 17, 2013
Last Updated on August 29, 2013

Author

Saumya
Saumya

India



About
Hi all:) this is me....Saumya well, i don't have much to tell you all about me.. but yes to start with, I love writing & painting.(you can find some of my paintings in the "my photos" section of.. more..

Writing
Write Write

A Poem by Saumya



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Friend Friend

A Poem by Saumya