This is a poem with a wise message. If could use a little more rhythm. I wrote two verses that you may keep for your self to show you what I mean by more rhythm. I overlapped the rhyme using a seven syllable line followed by a five syllable line where all accents match in meter. This may be sung as a song:
Heart
When there's trouble in your life
just take a deep sigh.
Medication for your strife
may be found nearby.
Your best guide is deep inside,
an eternal tie,
where no truths may ever hide.
Just ask your heart why.
Very well said. I agree with Caradoc...too many commas. All that punctuation takes away from the beauty of the message.
I like the way he compares too much punctuation with salt on french fries...a little is good...but too much ruins the taste.
It's a good poem with a good message. Although, I do have to say that there are a ton of commas in it. I liken it to salt on french fries. Sometimes the person who salts them gets a little too happy, or angry, with the shaker.
Hi all:)
this is me....Saumya
well, i don't have much to tell you all about me..
but yes to start with,
I love writing & painting.(you can find some of my paintings in the "my photos" section of.. more..