A real story of intense love between a granny and her granddaughter, and the pain of the granddaughter on losing her....
Once, there were days, I used to play; Once, there was someone, in whose lap,I used to lay; Once, I was gifted ,with every great gifts of GOD, that, one strives for; Once, I hadn't to fear; because, someone, very dear to me; was always with me, to take care; Once, there were days, I needn't bother, because I had someone, sweeter than a brother
Once, there was someone, who understood, all my emotions; and she, had an immense perception... Once, GOD gifted me,his best Angel; she was no one other, than, : "MY GRANDMOTHER"
And, how sweet!! it is, to tell you, my dear readers and friends...; that : ' if i am here today, its all because of her.., Even today, I wonder, that what was in her so stronger; that..: i never had to explain, and she, clearly perceived my pain...
To me, she was something, more than a mother; And, I think, thats why,GOD made her, my GRANDMOTHER; I enjoyed with her, the most I could; To me, she was someone, sweeterthah Kids.....
My day started, seeing her; and , it ended, sleeping with her.. I loved her stories; and, liked her night rhymes, for me, with her, these , were..; "The best times".....!!
Days passed, and she grew older; Gone were the Cuteness, and seen was Dullness; Gone were the Chubby cheeks , and seen was the Wrinkled Face of hers; But something, that was still t he same, was; The Love, Care, and Concern for her, Granddaughter.........!!
Honestly, to tell you; No one in my life, Loved and Cared for me, As she could....!!!!
Then, came the day, describing which, My eyes get filled with pain; GOD, almighty ,called her angel, back to heaven; and I in this confusing world was left, all alone; NO ONE, to PERCEPT me..; NO ONE , to SHARE my feelings with...; NO ONE, to FEEL the pain of my sufferings; and, NO ONE , to SLEEP and LISTEN STORIES with;....
O, GOD, almighty, I'd really like to thank you...; for gifting, such a lovely Angel of yours; who has taught me a great moral, by her detachment, that: "BIRTH and DEATH are, two basic truths of human life, One who has come, has to go, and, GOD too, needs, good people to be with him....."!!
O my lovely Granny, may you be safe, wherever you are, and if, you can see and hear me, I'd like to tell you, that: "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, and I LOVE YOU"..... and here on this earth, Iam totally, incomplete without you, and; I really MISS YOU.....!!!!!!!!
This is an emotional experience for sure...like many that have already read it, I share the same feelings...I'm not sure if I've ever recovered from losing my own grandmother, but like you, I've never felt a sense of total loss...a very sweet and heartfelt write :)
Lovely tribute to your grandmother.. I can relate, both of mine have passed. You need to check your punctuation.. it is seriously a mess.. you are using commas where semi-colons go and vice versa and way too many explanation points at the end.. you only need one.
Very heartfelt write. It's clear that this woman meant a great deal to you.
It seems you may be a few words that are either pushed together or unnecessary. I know you are trying to make this piece rhyme, but not all poetry has to rhyme and some places felt force to me, but it could have been these words that were pushed together.
I agree with Jacob the ellipses are fine, they trail off your thought and often work in poetry. I use them myself.
I like that you often choose topics like this one that are close to home for you. It provides a source of rich emotion for you to draw from. That emotion is what will feed readers and keep them involved.
You did an excellent job showing great heart in this write up.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
thank you sooooooooo much dear..!!!!
that means a lot to me.....
:)
take care..
only knew one grandmother and only for a short time..she lived in jersey city, jersey...and died shortly after we moved to the midwest when i was around nine...but i still have good memories.
i like this...but i do agree with namaste..have read a few of your writings..
good words, but watch your punctuation...you are separating subjects and verbs a lot with your commas...overusing them..
only at real pauses when reading aloud do you insert them..and sometimes, not even then...if the words are essential to the thought of the lines...leave out the commas..
the ellipses are fine...they let the thought trail off...and that often works in poetry...just watch the commas...
but really heartfelt write here.
jacob
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
thank you sooooooooooooo much, for your precious review, i promise that i will definitely work on yo.. read morethank you sooooooooooooo much, for your precious review, i promise that i will definitely work on your advice...and make my poems much better...!!
thanking you...... :)
with best wishes,
saumya
So sad. My grandmother had a stroke a while back and she and I were extremely close. She is still with us, but not the same. I dread the day when those I love are gone.
Hi all:)
this is me....Saumya
well, i don't have much to tell you all about me..
but yes to start with,
I love writing & painting.(you can find some of my paintings in the "my photos" section of.. more..