Stars

A starry night for you and I

The stars are everywhere,

and the night is long.

Let us all make a wish,

and take a slowly, lovely walk.

They're shining so bright,

sparkles filling my eyes.

And I have a urging feeling in my mind,

to put out my small hand,

and keep it forever within my reach.

Just a starry night for you and me.

The remembered Moon is staring down, 

lighting up what the lamps could not.

Shading a cast over everyone,

denting the streets into curving highways,

and forming the people into creatures of night.

I imagined us sitting upon the moon,

sleeping on it's soft white dust.

Naming thousands of stars, 

and watching colorful comets fly around.

I imagined us going back in time,

and walking on aged, cobblestoned streets. 

Greeting everyone that passed by,

and waltzing back and forth in the grand ball.

I imagined us together;

walking towards the orange sunset.

Gritty sand under our feet,

wringing between our bare toes. 

Our first kiss below the cold, blue water.

I imagined us as crushes.

A flower looming right before a locker,

with a pink note,

barely legible writing.

Young, and vulnerable,

just how we love it.

Author's Note

=) I still believe in wishes on stars.

Reviews

[Erinne S.]

This is beautiful! I loved the descriptions and imagery in this, I could picture everything you were portraying.

"lighting up the what the lamps could not." In this line you need to take out "the" before 'what' My only critique of the piece.

Great job!

~Erinne

[.........]

I am going to be seemingly rude here, but I want to help you. So, constructive criticism: in the second stanza, the semi colon is used completely out of its realm. They are used to separate two independent sentences, and you basically used it where no punctuation was necessary. Also, in the second stanza again, "for you and I" is grammatically incorrect. It should be "for you and me" because for is a preposition, making it objective, so, "me." An easy check for that is to just say, "For me", not "for I". Again, in the second to last stanza, the semi colon is misused.

Other than that, I enjoyed this poem a lot. The imagery is very nice and although simple, breathtaking at the same time. I really like the line, "Young, and vulnerable", because many people feel that way at times. I also liked the use of the word "waltzing" and "dust". Your words are beautifully woven and I adore your style. The moon and the stars and anything dealing with them is beautiful, so I applaud this imagery. Good job!

And ps, Author's note? Who doesnt?! Haha

[~Lizzy♬]

I loved every line throughout to poem. You gave me beautiful images in my head as I read. Wonderful job! :)

~Lizzard~

[CagedBIRDsings]

"Young, and vulnerable,
just how we love it."
A sweet poem, lovely imagery, and it has a nice flow to it. Wonderful job again Twinkle, keep wishing on those stars.

[Eile MacIntyre]

Very clever I must say. I adored the verses that begin with 'I imagined...'. It was fun to read.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

So lovely and wonderful to read!

[Lily Mae]

It's beautiful and full of magic..and you should always believe :) xx

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A touching and bright poetic prose, wording flows perfectly, a great job, well done

[Kat]

This poem is so pretty I really like it!:) I still wish the same thing on a shooting star but it hasn't come true yet, but i'm gonna keep wishing it until it comes true

[Daydreamer54]

I love the scenery you give us! This poem sounded very placid and romantic! Great write! :)