Hear My Voice

Needing a bit less, 
I wanted to discover myself. 
Raise the chimney. 
The house in on fire. 

The door sleeps in the room. 
Sun will find no corner 
to sit. Can you call a cloud 
to make the floor wet? 

The knuckles come alive, rap 
the window to stay calm. Someone 
had knocked out the space 
and coming in to meet the hunger. 

A shrine has asked the roads 
to be washed with tears of pilgrims 
who had come from the faraway 
hymns of darkness to script the light. 

I am carrying the seeds of my 
native place to find the roots.

Reviews

[nina]

The house in on fire? Hm...i think the poem has really good potential. It is not specific and yet very specific and that is quite fascinating and will get any good readers to think more and that is very good. I would say also, make the last stanza four lines to make it look cleaner, but some poets like to make the last stanza a little more vague or sudden so it's okay if you don't want to add two more lines. Poetry is not limited to rules always. I really love the piece and would say keep writing, but perhaps organize the thoughts more.