Chapter1(Edited)

It was foolish to fear the woods, our parents used to tell us stories just to scare us into going to bed on time, but now we know the truth that we should all fear the woods and rightly so after the events that happened that terrifying night Dakota Stanley wanted to desperately erase them from her mind.

There was a place called Ever Wood forest, it was said to be haunted, there was nothing there apart from trees, a small lake and a mountain. The place had been searched many times there was no sign of life except for the wildlife which resided there.

Many of the people who dared walk through the woods at night claimed they heard two children singing nursery rhymes, but seeing no actual signs of children.

Some claimed to hear children's sobs and screams as it slowly drove whoever entered Everwood slowly insane.

It was this alleged creepy location were me and my friends would be filming our horror movie over the summer holidays, it was safe to say that I was nervous as we loaded Zach Tanner’s truck with our stuff, safely strapped in I glanced back at my house.

Dakota looked at her friends individually, Shaun Jones was the collage Jock he had blonde hair and green emerald eyes that could melt any girls heart.

“This is going to be sweet six weeks of no school and no adult supervision” Shaun Jones stated happily wrapping an arm around Dakota, gaining a death glare from my older brother Luccas Stanley he slowly removed his hand from my shoulders.

Dakota's older brother Luccas could be a pain in her a*s at times,with his over protective crap but she kind of admired him for it.

Jack Cromwell had short brown hair and baby blue eyes he was the total brain box of our group, he wore black jeans and a bright purple top.

Dakota looked at Madison Cromwell who was her best friend she had brown chestnut long hair that she took back in a pony tail and she had those Jade green eyes.

 

Ivy and Zach Tanner were rather similar for siblings they were quite popular and then Holly Jones was quite Gothic she had black hair and red streaks she wore jeans and a skull top.

“So what’s this camp-site called that we will be staying at?” Madison Cromwell asked curiously observing her surroundings outside of the window, Zach replied to her question “It’s called Black ridge” Zach replied.

"It's supposed to have a few killer locations for our movie" Jack Cromwell said happily we all replied that we knew it did.

 

As we got further towards Black ridge and Ever Wood forest our hopes and all our dreams had sprung alive as we caught our first glimpse of this spooky location that had been hidden away by trees.

“This place is Awesome" Shaun said as Zach pulled the old truck to a screeching stop. We got out of the truck and looked around Black ridge and unloaded everything they observed their surroundings it looked quite tranquil and serene in the daylight but there was a slight chill that suggested everything is not what it seems.

We set up our two tents girls in one guys in the other “I'm rather thirsty let’s get the bottles of water out” Holly Jones asked, her brother Shaun looked in all the bags then spoke “Zach, dude you forgot to bring the water” he called.

“I knew there was something, I forgot damn it” Zach stated, Dakota gently wrapped an arm around him then spoke “There’s a river here we could heat up the water then drink it, we just need to go north” she claimed.

“I’ll go, but I'm not doing it alone” I said frightened about the aspect of getting split up from her brother and friends. Lucas her brother said he would go with her; they grabbed the big empty bottles and headed off into the woods.

Lucas kept filming as we went "So sister what is your impression of Everwood So far?" he wondered pointing the camera at her, Dakota sighed then spoke "I't seems rather peaceful here it doesn't seem haunted and get that camera out of my face Lucas" Dakota warned. 

 

A few miles into the woods, we heard a snapping of a twig behind us which made us jump we spun around quickly to see a small boy with black hair and piercing blue eyes he looked like he was only six years old he had a blue tee shirt on and ripped trousers he also had a black eye.

The boy looked quite innocent until we saw what he was carrying in his hand, a persons dismembered finger that had been severed from the knife which was now in the boys pocket.

We wondered which poor unfortunate soul had suffered this tragic fate.

The weather had certainly changed now, the wind had picked up now it no longer stayed dormant the leaves had begun to blow across the floor  Lucas had now put the camera's attention on the demonic child now stood in front of  him and his sister.

“Go away from here, before I tear you apart and feast on your organs” the little boy said glaring up at Dakota and Lucas with a very psycho expression on his face as he wielded the knife slashing through thin air.

"Lucas lets get out of here before that thing gets us" Dakota said Lucas was more than willing to follow we ran as fast as we could towards the river and filled up the bottles then two ghostly hands grabbed Lucas and tried to pull him under, I grabbed him tightly trying to detach the hands that belonged to the two figures that could now be seen.

These two ghost children seemed restless and there was a small glimpse of fear in their eyes the pale translucent forms of the little children could be seen in full view.

“We don’t want to hurt you…come sing with us” The little girl asked, she kind of reminded Dakota of the creepy girl in silent Hill, snapping out of that thought she had an idea.

“Not on your life” I said bravery, the girl and boy looked directly at me, now was her chance to strike and catch them of guard.

Dakota saw an iron pole laying abandoned nearby and grabbed it and whacked their hands away, she hurriedly helped her brother get up and we stared at each other “Where not alone?” Lucas said fear threatening to swallow him whole.

On the other hand Dakota was no better, her heart was pounding away as they ran back to camp, taking extra care not to fall down any holes or to injure  ourselves on any brambles or thorns.

As we made our way to camp it was getting dark now the sun had been replaced by the shining twinkling glow of the stars and a full moon could be seen in the sky, as we ran we kept checking back over our shoulders to make sure we weren't being followed everyone noticed our sudden change in behaviour and attitude.

 “Girl what’s wrong?” Ivy inquired concerned for her best friend; Dakota paused then tried to get her breathing under control as she began to describe what had happened to me and Lucas.

“There was a six year old boy with a dismembered finger in his hand” Madison said  looking pale like she was going to be sick, Jack looked after his sister  after the tale we all tried to eat and drink something.

Lucas showed Shaun, Zach, Jack, Madison,Holly and Ivy the footage he took of what had happened with the small boy and the dismembered fingers.

That night none of us managed to get any sleep, “What if they are out there watching us?” Madison cried “There just kids we can take them” Jack said reassuring his younger sister “But if it came down to it who could kill a child” Ivy asked.

"There's a reason they are doing this we just have to find out why" Dakota suggested, everyone nodded.

It went quiet then Zach spoke, “Hey did you hear that?” he asked, they all looked at him then I spoke “Here what, the singing” I questioned he nodded a singing voice could be heard reciting the same lines of Ring a Ring a Roses.

A faint voice could be heard belonging to the little girl “Ring a Ring A Roses, You will surely die” she said laughing psychotically.

"Of course it all becomes clearer now...that song the little girl has just been singing Ring a Ring a Roses that nursery rhyme talks about the black death" Jack announced.

Reviews

[Harley Sapphire]

I got hooked on the first part. The only thing I'd really change is a bit of the formatting, its kind of hard to read.
I would also suggest adding more suspense. It is very good, I really like the part about hearing the children singing. But being built on an old burial site and losing cell phone reception I think should be spread out because its kind of stereotypical horror story actions and together it just sounds cheesy. I'd try and add some more description to really set a thrilling scene.
That's just my opinion though, overall it was an amazing read and I am going to continue reading!

[Stephanie Baker]

Thank you for reviewing and ill be sure to keep working on it.

[beach0324]

Hooks you and makes you want to stay and read I love all horror films I think I've seen all the oldies and a lot of new

[beach0324]

This a great story definitely a good horror story

[Stephanie Baker]

Thank you I will be sure to update soon

[aramis360]

Stephanie,
You are certainly on your way to a published book. You write very well, and keep the reader engaged by providing excellent pacing and description. I can tell you have done a lot of writing, and have paid the dues many of us lack the strength to do. Not much longer and you will be accomplished.

[Stephanie Baker]

Hi thank you for your kind words glad you liked it and I know I still have a long way to go before I get a book out in the shops but im not going to give up:)

[J.A. Marquez]

Positives: Intriguing subject matter, good chronology, effective setting.

Issues: Character confusion for the reader, lots of misspellings (use google or spellcheck for that one), the suspense falls flat in a few places, "Let's get running now." takes away from the shock of the appearance of the children. The children themselves are a bit cliche, not to say it can't work, but they need a back story in order for it to make sense. Why are two psychotic children, apparitions or otherwise, traversing the woods torturing people? What happened to them. Maybe they can drop hints to their victims. Ring Around The Roses is definitely playing into that cliche. Why are they singing that song specifically? Also, at the very beginning, I would have been satisfied to just have the narrator reciting the story to the police officers. Personally engaging the audience feels cheesy to me. It sounds like it's a story to be told around a camp fire, which isn't bad, but it defeats the purpose of the whole intro with the police officers.

Overall I would say you have a solid foundation. The story is definitely something you can work with and manipulate. At this phase it is very rough still. Brainstorm on it a bit and I am sure you can make adjustments that will really help it along. Thank you for sharing this.

[Stephanie Baker]

Hi thank you for your review and ill keep working on it:)