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  I'm currently sitting in my kitchen sulking and im not quite sure about what, when i feel like theres no point in life i convince myself that ill somehow be able to be inspired to write some world famous book or something along those lines...not quite sure why but in my messed up head it makes sense. So now im sitting on my computer typing out how i feel because I don't have anyone to listen, sad right? Not really iv realized that even though my life is about as s****y as it can get, it could still be shittier. I don't really know what im typing or if anyone will actually read this but it makes me feel better about myself, and hey maybe someone will find this interesting right?

    So i had rehersal for a show in September to help raise money for breast cancer research, I feel great about doing it but the show happens to be on my birthday. Now of  course I didn't really care seeing as no one really remembers my birthday, since its the day before 9/11 everyone is thinking about more important things. This is one fact of life iv just learned to accept at this point, there is always going to be something more important then me and my personal feelings and interests. I show up at rehersal and tell my "friends" that the show is on my birthday and no one even acknowledges the fact that words came out of my mouth. Now as a person who works with mentally impared and handicaped children i know that even a completely deaf and mute 5 year old would have given me more response then they did. But of course I don't really care because once again no one gives a s**t about me or my feelings. We go on a water break and of course pass by my ex boyfriend who were still going to call El D****e or ED for short playing basketball without his shirt on showing off because a group of girls is walking by....typical. At this point my friend asks me, do you miss him? My response is F**K NO! The fact of the matter is I dont this guys a total f**k up but for some reason i still feel the need to obsess over him and his new girlfriend who happens to be another one of my "friends". Why the hell do i care? The answer, well i dont of coure...just kidding thats a lie do you want to know the real answer? I DONT F*****G KNOW!!!!! and it kills me, so now im sitting in my kitchen obsessing over how badly i want to hit this guy with a bus and let him feel the pain that i feel, although i know i will never get anything close to that form of satisfaction. Im just sitting here typing my feelings into a computer to be put on the internet for no one to read or pay attention too. Maybe one day someone will start acknowledeging that i have feelings that mean something but at least for know i highly doubt it.