Untitled

This is a poem is about something very personal that unfortunately happened to me. I would love it if you would take the time to read and feedback on it. I have not thought about what to call it yet.

A vicious valley of despair.
A survivor left with a scar to declare.
Crimson rivers flood memories buried
Where does the river begin?

Touched with the taste of joy
Beneath God's watchful eyes.
As the mournful moon waits...
The sinful stars begin their show.

Foolish hands clutch it tight
It's sinister smile shines bright
Lustful liquid indulges me
I didn't mean it.

This was it. The moment strung by fate
Do it!
Those words cut me deep,
Deeper then any wound could.

A flip of sides
A chance to live
Was this something I could forgive?
No. They would never let me.

Swallowed whole by a painless paroxysm
The luxurious, richness, oozes.
The valley immediately floods
It's river washes a wave of worry.

Alone.
Surrounded by white coated trees
Experienced branches devour me
Safe but who really did care?

It was over.
Snatched by destiny's greedy claws
Taken before I had chance to bid farewell
Free.

A con-coxed emotion too heavy to share.
So isolated I stare,
No one to tell.
Instead I fell. And Drowned. 

Reviews

[MandaBear]

This was very unique. Great job

[SarahV]

Thanks :)

[Nick.B]

A very dark and sad piece, it flow well and it's very well structured, the story behind this poem was emotional enough to make me speechless...great job

[SarahV]

Thank you it means a lot! :)

[jemaral]

On what happened to you i have na idea but stilll not sure. The way you presented it is great. Though Im all for simplicity when i comes to poems I guess in this case it was needed since you wanted a hidden meaning in it all in all great job. being able to share it here means that at the very least you are healing and that's good. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[SarahV]

Thank you very much. I also agree with sometimes wanting poems to be more simple so we understand the meaning clearly, but I'm glad I was able to attempt to keep it hidden. This happend six months ago and things are fine but at the time I needed a way of letting things out, without people knowing what happend. This is my first attempt at poem - apart from the ones I was set in school when I was younger - so I am glad you thought I did a good job. Thanks for reading :)

[Rob Santana]

This was very unique, some what hypnotizing. I like it. Nice job. The choice of words you used are awesome.

[SarahV]

Thank you very much ! :)

[Be myself!]

The emotions are flowing off the page. I like this. Though I couldn't figure out what happened to you. I have never been the one to sove a riddle, puzzle, or anything else.

[SarahV]

Thank you very much! I tried to make the meaning hidden because I was sick of everyone talking about it, I wanted a way of expressing what happened. This is the first poem I've written and I did it as a way of closure, I'm glad you enjoyed it though. Thanks for taking the time to read it! :)

[Be myself!]

yea. No problem. :)