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This is a poem is about something very personal that unfortunately happened to me. I would love it if you would take the time to read and feedback on it. I have not thought about what to call it yet.

A vicious valley of despair.
A survivor left with a scar to declare.
Crimson rivers flood memories buried
Where does the river begin?

Touched with the taste of joy
Beneath God's watchful eyes.
As the mournful moon waits...
The sinful stars begin their show.

Foolish hands clutch it tight
It's sinister smile shines bright
Lustful liquid indulges me
I didn't mean it.

This was it. The moment strung by fate
Do it!
Those words cut me deep,
Deeper then any wound could.

A flip of sides
A chance to live
Was this something I could forgive?
No. They would never let me.

Swallowed whole by a painless paroxysm
The luxurious, richness, oozes.
The valley immediately floods
It's river washes a wave of worry.

Alone.
Surrounded by white coated trees
Experienced branches devour me
Safe but who really did care?

It was over.
Snatched by destiny's greedy claws
Taken before I had chance to bid farewell
Free.

A con-coxed emotion too heavy to share.
So isolated I stare,
No one to tell.
Instead I fell. And Drowned. 

Reviews

[rachedie]

"Could do better." I kid, I kid. But no, this is ridiculously good, the imagery is incredible.

[SarahV]

Hahaha thanks Rachel! :3

[Felicity's Eve]

"Touched with the taste of joy
Beneath God's watchful eyes.
As the mournful moon waits...
The sinful stars begin their show."

LOVE IT!!! :D
This is so beautiful. Wonderfully written and the flow is incredible. Very lovely indeed :)

100/100

[SarahV]

Awh thanks very much! :)

[Felicity's Eve]

:)

[Sami Khalil]

Touched with the taste of joy
Beneath God's watchful eyes.
As the mournful moon waits...
The sinful stars begin their show.
My faves in this wonderful poem... Thank you for penning...

[SarahV]

Thank you very much and no problem, thanks for reading! :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...

[Muhammad Qasim]

beautifully described amd elegantly penned. the poem pulls you in.

[SarahV]

Thanks!

[Muhammad Qasim]

my pleasure :D

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarri..]

Flowy story... nice style

[SarahV]

Thanks!

[Matthew Palmer-Jones]

I can't explain to you how it reads-but I feel exactly what emotion it gives off
Great use of symbolism and allusion

[SarahV]

Thank you :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i would almost thing of titling this piece..."feeling plath"

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is quite mysterious...a really good piece...

one suggestion ..your "it's" are possessive and should be "its"---
this poem reminds me of syliva plath...

she would write something like this, and did.

her "no one to tell' would be ted hughes...he was not there for her...

and she couldn't tell her mom because her mom was too much like she was...so her mom would be drowing in the same pond but ignoring sylvia's cries---

moving.

jacob

[SarahV]

Thank you, and oh thanks for that I didn't notice that mistake! And really? That sounds interesting :)

[Erinne S.]

I enjoyed the way you told your story, providing detail, but not enough to let your secret be known. Well done... especially for your first attempt at a poem! :)

[SarahV]

Thanks! :)

[zainul]

Great effort.
I also wrote personal secrets in some poems.
Thus I made records for my own.

[SarahV]

Thank you! Also thanks for reading :D

[zainul]

You are most welcome :D