You left today.

A Story by not me

I add more and more every day

You left today.

Today Is the hardest day because it's the longest amount of time until I see you again. When I kissed you at the airport doors I got a tingle just under my ribcage. I don't want my parents to come home, I want to go have a bath and lose myself in all my memories of you from the week, but the house will be too noisy and my parents will accuse me of being lazy. Tonight will be the first night i've slept by myself for 8 months. I'm going to miss hearing the chimes from your ankle bracelet as you walk around my garden.

Its been 1 day since you left.

Today my parents took me to belfast and bought me lots of clothes. I feel ashamed of myself as I picked some of the clothes because I knew they were the kind of thing you would wear. I love the way you dress, and I wish I had the imagination to think of something different to wear like you. I bought a pair of jeans that I think you would like but I dont think you would wear them. I feel more and more like I don't have an identity anymore, like i'm useless to the world...

It's been 2 days since you left.

Tonight I went to Rachel's house to watch movies. I havent been able to stop eating since I started taking those steroids for my chest. I really don't want to put on any weight before I see you. I might stop taking them because I'm so ashamed of how much i've eaten at Rachel's. I hate it that you've seen me naked at my thinnest, now your impression of me will only get worse.

It's been 3 days since you left.

My dad gave me thirty pounds today. I put it into a mug in my bedroom instead of my purse so I dont spend it. I need to pay you back. I hate it that i've borrowed money off you, I don't want to be like all the others. I want to be just as generous to you as you are to me, even if I dont have much money. I'm trying to get a job but it's not working. I applied to a cocktail bar so i can be cocktail trained. I think it might make me see more interesting. I don't feel that I have much to impress you with. But then again being cocktail trained wouldn't impress you because you can do that too.

Its been 4 days since you left.

I went to Bruce's house tonight, I dont know him, but Billy and George were there. You met them when you were here and they liked you a lot. We talked about you and it felt nice. Since you went away all i've been doing is thinking about you but i've spent most of the time with my parents. I can't talk about you around them for obvious reasons. It makes me cry sometimes because they don't look at me in the same way anymore.

It's been 5 days since you left.

Today I went into town with Josie, I bought the cheapest sandwich on the menu and still felt guilty for spending two pounds fifty because that could go towards my trip to see you. I'll try not to spend any more, apart from rolling tobacco, I can't really live without you and cigarettes at the same time.

It's been 6 days since you left.

Today I applied for a job to be a night porter, I figured if I stay up all night and sleep all day it might make the days seem shorter until I see you again. I miss you.

It's been seven days since you left.

Today was hard. I went to see Transformers with Jake. I stopped being impressed by the graphics about half an hour in and my thoughts moved to you and I remembered the moment when you first kissed me. I replayed it over and over again until the movie finished. It upset me that you weren't at home waiting for me. I spoke to you on the phone today and I heard your laugh. I had never heard anything so beautiful in my life.