Reflection...

 

I cannot tell you the agony I feel as I try to pull his image from the depths of my memory, the overwhelming urge inside of me as I remember, as I am brutally stabbed, over and over and over again with pictures of his face, mental recordings of his voice telling me that somehow everything will be alright. 

 

I can take away time's purpose and waste his energy as I sit and numbly stare at the floor, I can forget him. I can sit with a cup of tea,(David) and a chocolate digestive, (David) and reluctantly smile. I can even let out an extremely convincing laugh in the company of friends and family as we sit where he and I sat, and loved, and found solace in each other.

 

But in the solitude of the night, when time stands in front of me, forcing me to be still, the massacre begins. And my life, which I have painstakingly glued back together, smashes against the wall with my head. It breaks into smaller shards of painful memory, equally as sharp, equally as real, equally as alive and incandescent as before. I can't cope. I can not cope...

 

*                                      *                                     *

 

I have not left this house for three weeks, I have not spoken a word for ten days. Not that number is of any significance to me anymore. Not that life is of any significance to me anymore. Milk and bread have lost all hope of having a purpose and have begun to rot in their cold grave at the bottom of the fridge. The bananas by my bed have turned from green to yellow, to brown, to a black darker than my mood. These walls let out a creaking sigh as they tower over me, as they protect and conceal me from the world's curious eyes. 

 

You can find me underneath this feather filled cloak, curled in my own humidity, hands locked tight around my waist as a nightmare presses my head into the springs of the mattress. Crusty lids slowly scrape along my dry eyeballs for the first time today. Tacky lips open to aid my breathing as my lungs panic and begin to work again. The sudden urge to remind myself what the sky looks like overwhelms me, and I lazily, rigidly rise from my temporary grave to stand at the window. Energy has left me as I peer through the translucent white lace curtains, out onto this planet. Grey, the sky is grey. The colours and scents of autumn which used to float through the wind and make the morning seem idyllic have left and the season of death has overcome us.

 

I let the windblown lace curtains stroke against my hands and my face. In a perfect world i'd find my love on the other side of it. In this world however, all I found was darkness, and god's icy breath made me shrivel, and quake as peace and dreams turned to fear.... and I went back to bed.

 

Leave me alone...

Reviews

[Berkley Conner Jr]

wow powerful piece. I really enjoyed youre imagery about your surroundings. I can feel youre world closing in on you. How common things are displayed and fade. how sustainance becomes faint, How the needs of the body are lost and the needs of the soul are all that can be seen. Youre pain is displayed wonderfully. I feel youre passion and youre desire I also feel youre pain. You have embued sorrow inside me. Keep up the writing.

[Kit]

ooooooooooo, very nice SO powerful!!!!

[Requiem]

Thanks for entering my 'pain' contest! Good luck to you!