Addiction

11 April 2011

I know you can't hear me, because I don't know you, but I hope you understand:

I'm lonely right now.  I'm lost. I feel like I'm walking down a large hall, a large hall that doesn't end.  It's lacking color and light, with no sign of human life besides me.  And for once, I'm scared of that.

I feel like I'm floating in an ocean millions of miles from any person, hoping for someone to find me.  But I'm the one who swam out there.  I'm the one who walked into the the hallway and started moving. 

It's the consequence of confusion, yet I blame it on independence.  But I don't want you to blame me for that.  Don't ignore my existence just because I ignore it myself.

Yeah, it hurts to see others happy, that's why I make myself miserable, even though I'm really not.  I have everything: friends, family, money; I'm getting by! I'm alive!  But, I feel like I'm missing something... Something important, something vital.  Call it hormones, call it being a teenage girl, call it what you will! But I know that none of that matters now.

How are you a part of all this? I've waited a while for you, I just didn't know it.  But now, I'm still swimming in the large ocean, still walking down the never-ending hallway.  Maybe, just maybe, I need to stop, sit, and close my eyes.

Maybe the next time I open them, you'll be standing there, waiting for me to wake up.

So please, I'll take the ridicule, I'll take the abuse, I'll take the judgement, but don't leave me high and dry.

Thank you

PS Sorry for wasting your time