1/3/12

A journal entry.

There’s a strange obsession with cemeteries I have. It’s more of an obsession with death, really. That moment when the soul escapes the body, disappearing forever, the person you were will never be again. Nowhere to be found, just gone. I imagine it almost like a dementor’s kiss with that ball of light slowly illuminating your throat as it leaves your mouth. Of course, this is not how death is; it should only be that romantic. There is no way to describe it other than dread. In perspective, we live such a short time on this earth, and the days pass so quickly. I wish they would slow down; I wish I could enjoy the little moments for months. Unless you do something spectacular, not even a whisper of your name will be heard. And soon it’s like you never even existed.

 

Something about digging holes in the ground, and plopping corpses in them, soulless, lifeless, comforts us. It gives us a place, somewhere specific to grieve. Even in ashes, we’re mourned in mausoleums. When I stare amongst the headstones, I feel so alone. Plenty of bodies around me, but I’m the only life. The only one that can actually see, smell, touch, the roses that are meant for them. It’s odd when I pass a cemetery, I want nothing more than to enter. I may not know any names etched in the stones, but I visit them still. It’s haunting really, the feeling of being surrounded by so much death, the very thing I fear most. Why do I seek it, why do I feel obliged to visit those who never knew me. I feel I am far from death, I am quite young, but I don’t feel I will truly understand the comfort of death until the day I exhale one last time.

Reviews

[Kate Lee]

Beautifully written. In my country, people say "coffins are for dead people, not old people". Death is always lurking behind us, regardless our health or age. The moment of death is not that scary, but the process can be degrading. Smell the roses and feel your existence. And keep on writing.

[nicolo]

Reminds me of what I've once written: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/dead_eyes133/774307/