noise

christmas eve sounds in our house!

Piano notes

painstakingly picked

in a downstairs room-

the same tune 

over and over-

the suite from

'The Polar Express'.

Somebody someplace

is destroying

Jingle Bells

on a battered

old tinwhistle.

Rap pumps a

dangerous beat

from behind the

closed fast

bedroom door.

In church 

at midnight

a woman's voice

hits the high notes

and lifts the top

off my head,

leaves 'oh night,

oh night divine'

ringing in my

ears for hours.

All I really want

for christmas is

some peace and quiet.

Author's Note

just honest feedback, what does the reader get from this if anything? what works, what doesn't? use of words, image, flow etc. can anyone relate? does it capture how stressful christmas can be for mothers or is it just whingey? thanks!

Reviews

[emmajoy]

'Somebody someplace ~ is destroying ~ Jingle Bells ~ on a battered ~ old tinwhistle'

(I remember times like that!)

The first stanza is a really well expressed contrast from the second equally well put; both so appropriate for the time of year. You've simply but somehow poignantly created comfortable scenes then, gently blown them apart with those three last lines .. and, made me laugh aloud! Thank you.

Look forward to reading more of your writing very soon.

[sorcha ruane]

emma thanks for your comments. glad it made you laugh!

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

There's no mistaking the message, is there? ;-) I like that you've given the reader a few annotated snaps from the mental camera too. What is so odd, and I see it all the time here on WC, is that people seem to want to scrunch their lines into a tall, vertical pillar of words. Perhaps it's just me but I'm not sure why this is popular. I could read them just as well, perhaps a bit easier and with no loss of artistic rendering that I can see (other than the positioning on the paper/screen) if they were longer and a space between the lines or couplets. This gives the reader a chance to digest each thought; to help solidify the foundation that the succeeding lines are built upon. ..just a thought. I really liked it, especially the musical references and the writer's reactions to them. The last line is a nice way to gently close the door on all the visual cacophony too. "..some peace and quiet" :o)

[sorcha ruane]

thank you for reading and for your comments. i suppose i just like this layout and feel it looks right, but i do see what you mean about breaking it up a bit more and will consider that for again. thanks!