The winning side

Chapter 4 �" The winning side

 

It must have been three hours before I heard the lock on the door twitch. I heard the rattle of keys and then a sharp click. The door was open and cool air washed in. I felt it come over me, tickling my toes and my shins. The door opened all the way, an arm held the door open, as a flutter of footsteps began. Edgar entered first. He held a large sack with an ear of corn on the front. Behind him, was Eve holding one strap of a familiar looking duffle bag and then came Jamie was the other strap. Ruth entered next, empty-handed, then came Oscar. He held a bag of his own on one shoulder.

A feeling of comfort washed over me. It was like my family had returned. I smiled with relief. Caleb, who had fallen asleep some hour and a half ago on the wooden table, was awake now, stretching upwards. Ruth scurried over to him. I gawked as they touched hands. It stirred something painful in my stomach, this time I didn’t look away. They made eye contact. It seemed so private, but I felt a spark inside of me. Something was twisting my heart.

Oscar cleared his throat. “We came back on the winning side.” He spoke more to Caleb than to me. Ruth turned towards us, blushing.

“Cool,” it was me who spoke. I caught the attention of the others immediately. I suddenly feel like an unwanted pet �" that wanted to be part of this family so badly.

Oscar smiled, though, giving me some kind of much needed reassurance. “That’s right, Leigh.” He nodded. His assurance comforts me in some new, strange way. I can’t help but to small as positivity becomes of me. “We have enough food to last us for some time.” He turns his attention back to Caleb.

Caleb, who was standing now, his hand in Ruth’s, “Well, at least it will last us until we get to the camp in Baytown.” This immediately sparked my interest. It had to be some kind of rescue camp.

Edgar chuckled. He was standing by the gun-closet. It was the first time I saw some kind of emotion from him that was joyful. I gawk at him. Caleb does too. “What?” Caleb snaps. Quick temper with this one…

“We haven’t heard anything in days.” Eve retorts. She was in the doorway of what I thought to be the restroom. She leaned into the frame with her hand on her opposite hip. She was smoking. She blew out smoke, “The radio broadcast isn’t streaming anymore.”

“We shouldn’t lose hope.” Jamie was sitting in what was once Caleb’s seat. He hand his hands in a steeple against his mouth and nose. He was shaking his legs underneath the table, an obvious sign of tiredness or nerviness. “We can’t.”

“You know how bad it is out there.” Eve said defensively. “I’m not risking it.” She shook her head, disagreeably, “All I had to live for was my father,” She stopped shaking her head, and now giving Jamie a meaningful look, “And, as of two days ago-“She was cut off by Oscar.

“We can wait it out.” He suggests. His expression was neutral. His hand was on the back of his head. The barrel of the gun against the linoleum, he was holding it as if it were a cane.

Caleb, his expression was angered, “We can’t just stay here and expect something to happen.” He was speaking only to his father. “What if no one comes?” He took a step toward him, “The camps there, that’s where they want us to go.”

“Baytown as easy forty miles,” It was Edgar this time, he stood with his arms folded, leaning against the frame of the closet. “We would have to be able to leave here safely,” he pointed to the ground with his arms still folded, “And, find a vehicle that could hold seven people safely and about thirty guns and accessories.” He was speaking matter-of-factly. “That would be all by chance.”

“Only half of us can shoot guns and actually hit their target,” Oscar added. I thought of speaking for a second, but I knew I would eventually regret it.

“I don’t want to be stuck here.” Ruth moaned, leaning away from Caleb. Their hands were still entangled. She put her other hand just above her eyebrows, as she began to blink back tears. “This is a tomb.” She mumbled. This made my heart ache. I wondered if it was indeed her sister lying dead on the tile that I had come upon. I dare not to ask though; she was already crying.

This sparked something in Caleb, igniting his fire. “If you would have just listened to me before we would have got here sooner.” Caleb was screeching. “It’s your bad decisions that f**k our lives.” He pointed at his father.

His father gritted his teeth, making my spine tingle. “Don’t you blame me for this, boy,” his expression was stern. “I got us here as safe as I could.”

“Yes, but how are you going to get us out?” Caleb snapped.

“As safe as I got us in.” Oscar shot back. “We’re waiting until we hear another broadcast confirming this camp or another.” He spoke to the audience now, “We have protection here.” He paused “And, food.” Edgar nodded in agreement, picking up his bag of food that he had rested beside him on the floor. He headed towards the exit, with Caleb and Ruth tailing him.

The mood in the room began slowly easing as Caleb was exiting. It was becoming neutral once more. I notice the amount of tension that Caleb withholds. I’m not sure if its teen angst or male rival bull crap. I don’t ponder further.

“I’m going to shower.” Eve said in one breath. I watched as she pulled a lighter from her jeans and lit a candle that was somewhere behind her. She shut the door then. And, it was only me, Jamie, and Oscar.

Oscar moved to the gun closet, flipping the switch. That’s when I noticed that there was an actual light in the closet. It wasn’t a candle or flashlight, but a light that that hung from the ceiling. My amazement won Oscar’s attention, “The closest serve as an emergency shelter for the nurses if there’s a tornado or someone on the loose.” He shut the door next, and proceeded towards me. “I’m not sure what’s different about it from a regular closet, beside the pad lock.” He removed his jacket, laying it on the bed next to me. His skin was crinkled and tan. His eyes weren’t chocolate like his son’s, but a dreamy blue. His hair was receding, but he still retained gray side burns. He was intimidatingly tall without the weapon. “It has emergency survival stuff too.” He added.

Jamie then slipped out of the room. I hadn’t seen him get up. Leaving me and Oscar alone, it didn’t stir my mood. Though, my inner woman was coming alive inside me. I grit my teeth. I want to tell her to go to bed or leave me alone. I bite my tongue.

Oscar had some kind of quality about him that I liked. He was appealing, much like his son. Besides that, he helped me in some way, I’m sure. Whether it was influencing the group to keep me or breaking my glass of my padded cell. He served his purpose for me. He was becoming someone I didn’t want to cross, not only considering I would lose my new home. But, also I would lose this man’s company. It was something that was new to me. I had my grandparents, but they were different that affectionate families I had seen on television. They lacked emotion. Their appearance was the most important thing, especially after the accident.

That you caused.

I clench my teeth. I didn’t do that.

You were there though.

I end my thinking. I shut her off completely. That was another new thing. My corrupted thinking was an incurable disease, or that was what I had come to believe. But, I’m disregarding her now. This made her livid in my head, but I heard nothing but weak static.

“Are you okay?” Oscar interrupted my mental breakdown.

“Fine,” I force a smile, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

Oscar sat beside me. “I see you found your folder.” He placed a hand on the manila folder that was lying behind me. I had forgotten about it. I don’t say anything.

“Did you read it?” He asked. I shake my head, no.

“It’s just a bunch of doctor speak that no one, but a doctor can decipher.” He chuckled. I stay expressionless. I don’t want to know the declared degree of my disorder anyways.

“Does it still affect you?” He asks, his tone was quick and caring. I’m trying to process this, but it’s breeching my interior walls that I put up around this subject. I can’t remember having a decent conversation with a doctor about it. I don’t want to remember. Those were dark days and it only invites more violence and outbursts. I search for something else to entice my mind.

He makes some kind of evaluating noise. “I see,” he mumbles.

I think of my grandmother. The last time I saw her, she was so mad at me. I had attacked my uncle days before striking her fuse. He had said something that I can’t remember now. But, I took it as him blaming me for something outrageous. I attacked him with a plastic fork, breaking the skin on his hand. He subdued me against a wall. She kept saying she has had enough. I’m still so curious to what she was actually implying. It wasn’t registering to me how gracious she was being to me. That was the last thing she said to me, “I’m so gracious for doing this for you Leigh, but I can’t handle you anymore.”

“My grandmother was gracious for putting up with me for so long.” I say, hoping it would mean something to him.

“What do you mean?” He asks. It wasn’t the response I was hoping for.

I decide to include him in, “My grandmother,” my voice was small, “That was the last thing she said to me.” My eyes meeting his, “She was gracious for doing this for me, but she couldn’t handle me anymore.” The words no longer stung me, like they did once before.

His face was pained for seconds, “She sounds selfish.” He suggested.

I had to disagree. My grandmother did so well after what happened. She took me in and played the role. She let me stay home; we never went out. But, that’s okay; I’m not a people person. She left me alone a lot of the time too. I liked my space as well. Especially after what happened, I needed the alone time. “She was helpful in her own ways.” I say, my eyes have returned to the white linoleum.

“If you say so,” He exhaled. I could tell he didn’t want to further this conversation.

I didn’t want it to end here though. “She never visited me.” My eyes returned to his face, he was unchanged. “No one did.”

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t meet my gaze now. He instead came to his feet. I’m not sure if he was tired of the touchy subject or what. I guess revealing myself to him deemed itself a bad idea. Men don’t really know how to talk about feelings anyways.

He padded to the door. With his hand on the handle, he turns back to me, “I’m no doctor or rocket scientist, but I think you’re better off without them.” He didn’t realize the graveness in his words, because they might really be gone for good. This idea doesn’t hurt me as much as expected. They weren’t compassionate. My grandmother served as more of a pawn in my life, than something more important. She never once said that she loved me or didn’t blame me for what had happened.

“C’mon, I know you’re hungry.” He was right, I was famished.

-x-

The next few days passed in a blur.

Oscar had kept up his friendly persona, but I can’t say so for the rest. Caleb was, what I wanted to believe, unnaturally angry. But, so people can only be pushed so far until they snap. I’m a good example of that. The boy lost his mother and his whole world. I can’t fathom his anger, at this point. I get excessively angry, sure, but mine is minimal. Every time I make eye contact with the boy, I feel as if his eyes are zapping right through me. I want to disappear when he stares at me. His anger isn’t new to me either. He hated me for ruining his last treasured moment with his mother, but seemed to be getting over it. Now, I’m unsure.

Eve kept her distance, like Jamie. They were friendly with each other, but not to the point where they could be involved. Well, not that I noticed. Oscar was friendly with her as well; she didn’t seem to take the offer. She ignored him mostly. Ruth barely spoke. Oscar did most of the talking in the group, him and Edgar. Edgar turned out to be somewhat of a character. I guess I grew on him, because he talked to me the most now.

Edgar was a hick from Dayton. He was coming to retrieve his brother, who was admitted seven years ago for murder, but he got off with some lesser charge for being mentally insane. But, he’s was set to live in here until the judge deemed otherwise. His court date was next week. He thought that his brother was finally going to be a good and free man. That struck my heart.

They had closed off a section of the hospital by retrieving a set of keys from one of the discarded bodies I had come by days ago with their pockets emptied and shoes removed. They found every essential thing a person needs to live for at least a month or so, comfortably. But, since we wanted to survive longer than a month, we would make it stretch longer. Until something interesting happens. I longed for something interesting to happen. It wasn’t the quaint company I had that stirred me. It was what was lurking just beyond those locked doors.

I had found out that I was extremely dehydrated when they found me. They had just fought off the zombie that mauled the beautiful vixen when they came upon me. They weren’t sure what to make of me, and then Caleb spoke up and changed the mood of the crowd to hate. It was Oscar who had pulled my file from the clear plastic holder beside my cell. If he hadn’t done that, I would more than likely be dead right now. After reading my file they had a voted, which turned out positive for me. This made me wonder who exactly was on my side here. I knew Oscar was, maybe Edgar as well. That’s two out of four. This was irking my thoughts more than it was supposed to for some time.

The ugly creature in my cranium decided that Jamie liked me until he saw me. I do look bat-s**t crazy. I was dingy and gross. But, I scolded her. She was still waiting for some opportunity to betray me, I’m sure. She usually is.

Inside the little closed off section, they found ten empty bedrooms, a kitchen with expired food in the fridge, and six previous undead residents. After they did them off, each one of them claimed a separate room. I chose the room beside Oscar’s.

Inside of my room, there was a bed that’s bed was unmade. Its previous resident must have been a messy one. I found that it was a female; a petite female. Her clothes were very modest and tight-fitted. I did feel a little bad wearing someone who was now departed attire. But, I tried not to think too much of it. They didn’t need them anymore, I left it at that.

They had exchanged my light bulbs with candles. The hospital was still running off emergency power, they expected. The light in the closet worked still and gave me my own emergency supply kit. It was stocked with 10 cans of food, a first aid kit with all the essentials, a blanket, a flash light with extra batteries, a whistle, and some flares. The water still worked as well. I treated myself to a warm shower each day.

It was night time. I usually fought for sleep. My room had two barred windows. We were on the second level, so I wasn’t worried about intrusion, but other things. Things that couldn’t harm me now, but eventually; like what could I make of this venture so far. It was wild. The idea of people consuming each other was off. How did humanity succumb to this? I would probably be eaten before I’m granted such information.

My eyes were fixed on the moonlight shining onto my blanket when it happened. There was a heart stopping panic outside my door. I come to my feet instantly. I find my slippers and pull for my robe from the floor. It was plush and pink; I disregarded the name on the pocket: Amanda. It was another thing I tried not to ponder too hard about.

“Help us!” I could hear the words perfectly as day. The doors around me opened. I heard two doors creak open, one after the other.

Then a third as I heard, what I thought to be Oscar, speak, “Get guns,” I’m not sure who joined him in the hallway. It was probably the oh-so-eager Caleb, who always wanted in on the action and Edgar. The door continued to rattle, loudly.

Suddenly, I hear the jingle of keys. I hear the rotation, then click of the door. I hear pleading voice. I hear footsteps and mass panic. I have my hands on my head, pushing my messy hair backwards. My teeth are grinding. This is impossible. They said the hospital was empty.

Oh, negative Nancy.

Hush. I was the only alive person they found. They said.

That doesn’t mean that the hospital was depleted of life beyond them.

That struck me as a reel of faces go through my memory. These are faces of the overly insane people you don’t want around. I thought of this one older woman who was constantly cursing or screeching �" or both. She would be hell to sleep by. I think of the murderers that come inside; the ones that have recently entered without the correct medication in their system to numb the crazy. They were normally the worst to deal with. In all my two years here, I have feared every single one of them.

I hear gun shots. I have a mixture of relief and panic rousing in my gut. I’m not sure how I feel about this. The doors shut. The lock switches and clicks loudly. “Get up,” Oscar is speaking. What? I can’t help but to open my door. I see Oscar, Caleb, and Edgar standing over two people. I can’t tell who they are. They are face down with their hands on their heads.

Edgar drops his gun to the side, and begins to help them to their feet. “Go back inside, darling,” Oscar doesn’t turn to look at me, but I know he is, indeed, talking to me. I do as I’m told. I hear footsteps patter past my door, and into the door next door �" my once cell. I’m quick to press my ear against the wall.

I hear muffles; someone coughs. I huff, waiting for something to happen. I look around in the darkness. Directly ahead of me is my right window. There are a mess of trees below; a fence; a road. It wasn’t anything too exciting. I could only see one car outside. It was driven into a ditch, probably still containing the owner. My thoughts waver as I hear speaking.

“You were doctor here?” It was Edgar. Someone speaking, but I can’t hear what they say. 

“Okay,” Oscar said. I wish I could read their expressions. Or, even look at the faces of these goons. I hear someone lean against the wall. “We’ve been here for about 12 days.” Oscar was still speaking.

“Yes,” Edgar answered a question that I couldn’t hear. “Y’all could stay in this room for tonight.”

Moments later, I hear them exit. There’s a knock at my door. I shuffle over to it. It’s Edgar. He’s come to reassure me. “It’s a doctor and a nurse,” he moved passed me, into my room. I shut the door, feeling comfortable around this man. I don’t think twice. “They’ve been camping in the courtyard; sleeping in the shed.” He included. I think of the courtyard. I saw the fire outside that day I was released from my hell.

“Oh,” I nod.

“They said they saw us today.” I thought back to today �" they had gone out in search of more food and supplies. Like we don’t have enough…

The room was silent. Edgar didn’t seem like he wanted to leave. He sat on my bed. I waited by the door. I wanted to usher him out somehow but, I don’t want to be rude. I shift my weight to my left foot. He’s smiling some kind of smile that I’m not familiar with. I start to feel uncomfortable in my own skin. He’s not too handsome, to be honest. I don’t mind him so much because he’s one of the two people that talk to me. If it were reality, not a zombie invasion spreading mass panic and confusion, I wouldn’t even talk to him but, not because he wasn’t attractive just because he was too reassuring and controlling. Like somehow my opinion of him changes over night; I’m not one for over sensitivity.

“Well I’m pretty tired,” I hint. It goes over his head.

He’s still smiling at me. “Do you ever get lonely?” He asks.

I want to answer with: Yes, I’m lonely all the time. But, I bite my lip. He’s going somewhere with this. I can tell. He’s patting the comforter, ushering me forward. I don’t. There’s another knock on the door. I’m saved. I swivel in my step, revealing Oscar.

“It’s about time we get back to bed.” He’s talking to me, but I know it’s meant for someone else. I’m hidden by the door as I mouth “thank you.” He only nods. I feel relieved.

After they both leave me be, I slip back into bed. My thoughts begin to work around the new arrivals. What were a doctor and a nurse doing in a courtyard? I ponder. I had never seen anyone besides a patient or a guard inside of the courtyard - even when someone needs medical attention, their carried into the corridor at least to be treated.

I think about tomorrow. They would probably be accepted just as I was… probably even more invitingly A small bit of light forms inside of me; a new hope that it’s my doctor or someone familiar. It wasn’t that I was particularly fond of my doctor, but I did respect him. He was patient with me. He didn’t dabble on things I didn’t want to talk about. I wasn’t sure if he was afraid of my rage or just not that interested in that part of my past. He always spoke of now. How was I feeling today? Not how I felt about less fortunate things. He was one of the most positive parts of my day.

I sigh at the thought of conversations with him �" Rodger Hopkins. He let me call him Rodger, as I’m sure he was that friendly with every patient. If I should guess, I would say he was around 66 years of age. His hair was white and patchy on his white scalp. His eyes were small, but kind. Wrinkles streamed around his face, encouraging his sympathetic appearance. He wore his formal white jacket with five pens in his pocket and a yellow notepad. He focused most of his attention on me, rather than scribbling the whole time after every sentence I gave.

That’s when my mind drifted off. I was sinking into a deep sleep. Soon, a Ferris wheel comes into my view. It’s a collection of white, red, and green lights blinking against a black sheet of sky. I’m standing between two game’s booths; to my left was fishing out plastic ducks; to my right it was darts and balloons. There is a mixture of excitement and life in the air. I could hear laughing everywhere. It was my first time ever seeing such, and one of my lasts.

My hand was encased in someone else’s small, warm grip. She tugged me forward. Her brunette braids bobbing as she tugged me along. I’m walking without hesitation in my step, though I’m unsure of what was exactly happening. This girl sounded so familiar, but so strange at the same time.

“Leigh, c’mon,” she tugged me a bit harder. I slip in my step almost; stumbling for balance she jerks me towards her. “Watch your step, okay?” She was stopped now, staring at me, “I told mom and dad I would do a good job watching you.”

I’m gasping for air now. My vision of the little girl holding my hand against the colorful Ferris wheel faded from my view. I’m crying when I awake. I’m still trying to catch my breath. I’m trying to tune my thoughts elsewhere…

You really are sick, y’know?

My inner woman is sitting up in her plush, satin-sheeted bed. She has sleepy eyes, half-open.

You just can’t let them rest in peace. You have to constantly torture me.

I’m growing more infuriated with each word she speaks. I slip off the bed, coming unsteadily to my feet. It was light outside now. It’s early morning, possibly 6 am. The sky was still foggy and awaking. I glare out the window catching sight of four zombified creatures behind the fence. They were wearing modern clothes. A woman with blonde hair in a pencil skirt cutting off at her knees was looking utmost fancy for zombie invading. I guess she didn’t exactly expect a zombie attack that day; she would have dressed the part.

A man who was keeping, what I expected, a comfortable distance from the overdressed zombie was rattling the fence. I wasn’t sure which would give in first �" the zombie or the fence? I thought of how eager the only zombie that was killed at my foot was. He was relentless even with his chest pierced halfway through.

I hear gathering footsteps beyond my door. With my mind controlled, I pace over to the tall wooden dresser and take out some new clothes. Well, new to me. Today I was fashioning a button down purple shirt with an accented collar. I took out grey skinny jeans that were tight around my ankles. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. My eyes were brown; just like my hair. I was extremely normal looking. 

I join the group inside of Eve’s bedroom. Oscar was in the middle of speaking when I interrupted. I shut the door behind myself, my face reddening. I try to smile, but I’m sure it looks like some awkward attempt at a smile.

“They seem like okay people.” Oscar continues.

“You can never be so sure.” Jamie spoke to no one in particular. I knew he meant me though.

Edgar laughed, “It’s a doctor and a nurse,” he shrugged, “This was their house before it was ours.” He smiled at me. I nod, he’s right. He looked at me like he was expecting more. His eyes widen. Did he want me to interject as well?

“Um, yeah,” I murmur. I think of something more to say, but I come up short.

“I agree,” Oscar includes as the silence endures. “We can’t just send them out there and expect them to survive on their own.”

“Why can’t we?” Caleb says. Our eyes meet; he’s furious. He’s sitting next to Ruth on the opposite side of the bed. They aren’t holding hands, to my surprise. His arms are folded. “We have to think about our own survival. We can’t survive if we pick up every stray.” He is looking at his father now. The word stray seems to hang in the air. I wasn’t the only unwanted pet…

“Well, we won’t get anywhere if we send unarmed people out into this new world.” Oscar’s brows pull forward. I only see him this tense when he’s talking to his son. But, his son is the only outspoken, destructive person in the room besides my subconscious. “We are all survivors.”

Caleb comes to his feet, “Yes, and we won’t survive if we keep inviting people to eat all of our food and use all of our supplies.” He snapped.

This was making me growingly unnerved. I take a sliding glance at Edgar, he looked nervous as well. Eve spoke next, “But, we are no better than the zombies if we send people off to their doom.” It wasn’t until then that I noticed Jamie’s arm around her as they sat on the floor next to the armory in the closet.

“Says you,” He spoke bitterly.

“What is that supposed to mean?” It was Jamie who spoke.

Caleb, turned to face them completely in his step, he pointed at Eve, “You killed Olivia.” I saw Ruth crunch forward, sobbing silent tears in my peripheral vision. I don’t take my eyes off of Caleb, though. “You sent her down that hallway by herself while you stayed and ate.” He added after a few seconds when Eve didn’t speak.

Eve was shaking her head, “How can you blame that on me?” She spoke through gritted teeth. “She went down that hallway knowing what could potentially happen.”

“You were supposed to stay with her.” Ruth sobbed into her hands.

I ponder if Olivia is the beautiful fair skinned, red head woman I found in the hallway. I dare not to ask though. The mood in the room is taking a turn for the worst.

“Ruth you can’t blame that on her,” Oscar said, finally.

“Why can’t we?” Caleb spoke with venomous words.

No one spoke. The silence consumed the room. My mind is still buzzing; thinking of that beautiful woman who was now long gone. In my mind’s eye, I could see myself holding her, cradling her into my stomach. I wanted so badly to know this woman, then. I wanted to be who she wanted to see. Then, seeing here there, a little bit of me ached for her. Before I was hit in the back of the cranium…

Poor little Leigh, no one will ever want you. You’re even unwelcome here.

Caleb’s words “don’t get comfortable” play in my head. I was sure that was no longer true. Edgar and Oscar enjoyed my company. They gave me my very own room. I thought of Eve and Jamie, how they haven’t spoken a word to me only word’s about me. Then there’s Caleb, a wild card; he seemed inviting after I was let into the group. Things turned sour after we spoke. I suppose talking to him about his father may have been the wrong thing to do. I’m dumbfounded.

They would have let the doctor and nurse join without a thought, if they hadn’t come across the crazy first.

They knew where they were at. It wasn’t some kind of surprise to kind a lunatic here. But, that’s not me. I’m sane enough; or so I was starting to believe. My mental frailty had become limited.

Caleb came into my view of the door. He gripped the handle, with Ruth behind him, he exited. He slammed the door, causing the walls to shutter as well. I hear Edgar laugh. I’m not sure what’s so humorous about this. We have one mad kid, one distraught girl, and two people locked up inside of a room waiting on our decision.

“We aren’t getting anywhere if we make them leave.” Oscar finally spoke. “We should work on saving the human race; instead of sending two good people out there.”

The next few minutes passed in a blur. First, I heard sirens. They were wailing one after the other. My eardrums hummed; trying to resist the invading rhythm. The light in Eve’s closet began to blink in cohesion with the blaring alert. Everyone was on their feet, except for me.

Smoke began to enter the room through the cracks of the door. I heard sounds of confusion and panic around me. Oscar opens the door; smoke billows past him. That’s when I hear, “Get on the ground!” Edgar shouts, pulling me onto the ground beside him.

I see two pairs of feet bolt past us; Jamie and Eve. Oscar was already outside of the door. The smoke consumed the room. I couldn’t fathom what was happening. My inner moron was wailing and pleading for me to run. So, without giving it much thought, I bolted out into the hallway.

“Wait,” its Edgar calling after me but, I was already immersed in the thick fog of smoke. As my eyes begin to burn, I crumple to my knees. My lungs become heavy; I choke. I dip lower, below the smoke; I can see feet about three yards ahead of me. I crawl towards them, staying as low to the ground as I possibly can. I can see the woman in my head demonstrating an army-style bear crawl, which I was already doing. It’s becoming even harder to breathe.

“Get me another bucket,” its Jamie talking. I hear splashing after that. Then, more invading smoke and something defusing; I stop near a wall, not reaching the group of feet, as my innards is panicking. I cough a loud, violent cough. The smoke begins to reside. I can see a figure a few steps in front of me. I know its Jamie now.

Oscar joins him �" handing him a bucket. Our eyes connect for seconds. “All the windows are open,” Eve says, returning to the hallway. “Well, the ones that actually open,” she corrects herself. I hear the splash of water hitting the door ensuring the end of the fire.

I see now what it was; a door, on fire. It’s blackened, completely smoldered by the flames. The white wall around it now contains lashes of black and gray. The floor in front of it was roasted as well. Only traces of smoke around it now. I can see it was the door to my once prison, which now housed two new subjects. I instantly think of Caleb and his rage.

Oscar is fumbling for his keys now. But, it was Jamie who finally kicked the door in. It shutters and gives in immediately. Breaths of smoke swirl out then fade towards the entrance of the bedroom directly in front of it. Oscar enters first, then Jamie.

“You okay?” Eve spoke to me. I’m taken by surprise at first. Then I nod. I’m fine, physically at least.

“Are you?” I ask. She nods.

We both wait for something to happen as we stare at the burnt doorway to the cell. I’m still thinking of Caleb. Where was he anyway?

“What happened?” A voice sounded from behind us. I turn to see Caleb with Ruth in hand.

Eve and I exchanged nervous looks. Where we thinking the same thing?

He tried to kill us.

My inner woman has calmed down. She is no longer more frantic than I. Instead, she is sitting with perfect posture on her lush bed. She is giving me a grave look.

“Where were you?” Oscar came out into the hallway. He was angrier than I had ever seen him. His fists were balled. His brows were pulled together and he was storming passed us.

Caleb didn’t have time to speak before Oscar shoved him against the wall. He had one hand on his shoulder and one hand on the wall just above Caleb’s head. He was close to his face. “You almost killed two good people, in there,” he shoved a finger towards the roasted doorway.

Caleb looked frantic. Ruth had retreated towards us. Her hand was over her mouth. Caleb stared at his father babbling something that wasn’t words. Then his father took a hand across his son’s face; slapping some sense into him �" is what my conscious said. I wasn’t sure if he was senseless now; he looked more confused than ever. But, he enraged. He took his father back against the opposite wall in seconds. His father made some kind of noise from deep in his throat… like he was trying to resist.

With all of this commotion happening in front of me, I hadn’t noticed the two that joined the rest of us in the hallway. Whenever they entered my peripheral vision, I turned to them quickly. They were dressed professionally; one nurse; one doctor. The nurse was female with short curly red hair. While the doctor was broad and bald, I scrutinized him… seeing something that looked unwelcomingly familiar. I couldn’t place it though. His eyes continued forward. His lips parted into a toothy grin.

“We’re fine!” The bald man announced; smiling. This irked me.

Caleb pushed away from his father. He was angry now. His father was kind of left there, tacked against the wall when Caleb thrust away. “Maybe you should ask our new guests.” He shot.

“What?” it was the nurse who spoke; her voice was squeaky.

“Caleb,” his father breathed. “Please don’t start acting out again…” he pleaded. “Not here; not now.”

Caleb said no more. He entangled his hand in Ruth’s, who was stuck against the wall in horror. She took his hand without hesitation. We all watched as he pulled a gun from his belt, aim, and fired. He shot the lock of the double doors. The doors that kept the walking dead from us and I sucked in a deep breath, coming to my feet. The doors parted simultaneously.

“Now,” he turned to look at his father, “You can blame me for that.” With that said, he started down the hallway.

Oscar pushed away from the wall, “Caleb,” he called for his son. I listened to footsteps fading. Oscar followed after them.

Edgar rejoins us in the hallway. It’s only been moments since the fire was extinguished. But, so much had just happened. I was taken aback. If it wasn’t Caleb, then who could have done this? “What’s going on?” He asks, breathlessly.

Quickly, to my left I hear a struggle. I see the doctor; he has Eve. His arm is around her neck while his free hand is against her head. Her hands are on his arm. He’s strangling her. She is gurgling as she being raised even higher. I see her feet slipping against his legs searching for something to steady herself against. He’s grinning… still. That’s when I notice the name tag: Dr. Rodger Hopkins.

He’s not a doctor.

“He’s not a doctor.” I mutter to myself as Edgar lunges past me. He isn’t my Rodger. He’s a loon. The thin little red head is laughing a loud, heckling laugh that stings me somewhere inside. It was them. They did this. I think of the dog-leash shackles and the candle they so-helpfully leave by the door.

“May the Great Lord Satan have no pity on any of you!” The red-haired woman screams. Before she turns to me, and dives for my throat. Her grip is powerful. Her eyes are blazing blue. I feel the muscles in my throat tighten. My left hand automatically grips her arm.

Fight back, damnit.

My inner woman is livid. I can feel the back of my throat as the woman digs her fingers in. As the air in my lungs deplete as I begin to panic, I can feel this eerie dredge of silence encircle us. A thick black veil dropping around us and her manic laughter coming through as my vision begins to deceive me. My hold on her arm is nothing to her, her arm is stiff and unwavering. Glancing from her pale boney arm, to her ghostly eyes, that were not longer hers, but something more familiar; something that made my stomach turn. I was no longer dealing with the crazed “nurse”, but instead my own subconscious.

You are weak.

She starts, my lungs stinging for air as a radiance of dots begin around her, and I was dying.

Her face wasn’t anything like mine, not the crazy girl I was staring at this morning as least. She was wicked, and completely in control. She irked me further as she flashed white teeth, the sides of her mouth twisting into an odd grin. I could tell she was enjoying this �" Where would you be without me? Her haunting words ringing in my head because I was feeble; she was right. But, that also struck something deep inside of me, a touch of will to prevail.

With my last bit of strength, as the halo of dots began to consume us, I pick my hand up to her face pushing my thumb into her pupil. She falters almost straightaway. And, I’m gasping as the air returns to my sore lungs.

The space between us seemed so small still. My vision hasn’t completely corrected, I’m still looking at her through a haze of confusion and disarray. And, I want to end this. This conflict in my head that was now standing before me; I wanted her to hurt like she always made me hurt. I was seeping into that dark inhabitance that I try so hard to stay out of. I become of it as she looks back to me. Her small hand holding her eye, veins of red seeping to her chin, and I was glad.

“You little b***h,” she came at me again. I step to my right, and help her into the wall that was just a step behind us. I side step, facing her, she is tacked against the wall for seconds, heaving; I’m the one smiling now. But, to my surprise, she was too. Nothing changes inside of me as she lunges at me again. I have her wrists in both my hands, her gouged eye is half open, half closed, and oozing blood.

I’m starring at her still. She was me; I am not her. I wish so much to be a whole person again, instead of two pieces of a person that was. She’s huffing, trying to overpower me, but my anger is too thick. I force her backwards, pinning her onto the wall, and we grin at each other.

“C’mon Leigh,” she huffs.

“Why don’t you return to the hole you came out of,” I spit.

“Ha, because your mother is buried their now,” her grin tightens as she breathes a laugh. And, it hits home to me, but I don’t waver. My smile fades as I head butt her; the stars return. I step a few paces back, releasing her, she slips down the wall. I cringe, touching my head, and finding the opposite wall with my left hand.

I stand there for seconds, trying to regain my vision, as I feel someone tugging me to the right. “We have to go,” its Edgar’s voice; I let him drag me away. As I do, I see the slow-moving crowd of inhuman being inching closer to the unconscious nurse.

Edgar pulls me into Eve’s room. “We have to be fast.” Edgar warns. Eve is inside of her closet putting all of what she can into a large black duffle bag. She tosses a gun to Edgar, who catches it without hesitation. Then one to me, and I stumbled forward to catch it. I inspect it briefly. It’s heavy, the first thing I notice, and it’s cold in my grip. I then notice the bit of blood on my fingers, no guilt surfaces, and I’m surprised briefly.

“Have you ever used one of these?” He asks, I shake my head, no. I return my attention to the gun.

He lifts the bag of guns and necessities that Eve hands him, and she walks over to me. She takes the gun from me, and checks the clip. Then, removes it from safety, and hands it back to me. “Aim just below your target.” She looks from the gun to me, and I nod; simple enough.

Seconds later, we hear gun shots. Edgar hurries passed me, peaking out the door briefly, and he continues out. I don’t follow; remembering the zombies that were edging closer to us. Eve darts pass me, brushing my shoulder as she does, and I continue behind her; baby steps. I look out the door, two more gun shots, and I duck my head back inside. My insides are turning. I think of the grizzly image of the inside of my predator’s head from my cubicle. Now isn’t the time to be emotional or reminiscing. I look down to my gun; heavy and powerful. I let my gun lead the way as I enter the hallway.

I see a mess of things. Black blood splattered everywhere; time slows. I see bodies’ skew right and left. I see Oscar amidst a crowd of lifeless creatures, circling him; Edgar stands closest to me, aiming into the crowd. He’s hesitating; He doesn’t want to hit Oscar. I suddenly feel my gun come to life; three shots. I don’t remember pulling the trigger. I see two bodies collapse. Eve turns to me, cringing, and she moves behind me. I catch Oscar’s attention, and he ducks. I fire into the crowd again, this time joined by Edgar and Eve. I unload my clip, and so do they.

Time flows; at least ten bodies are in front of us. The walls are slathered and dotted in black and green streaks of inhuman blood. The gun feels like an extension of my body as I let it rest by my side. My finger is still on the trigger, but I’m no longer thrusting. I feel relaxation wash over me. Like, I needed this kind of relief for a long time, and was never able to achieve it. And, I’m smiling once more.

Oscar manages to his feet with the wall supporting him. That’s when I notice Caleb, standing next to the wall, supporting Ruth. Ruth looks unconscious, her head is hunched over and her knees are collapsed. Caleb and I catch each other’s eyes for seconds, as he looks to his father. He’s out of breath as well. I think I see tears too, but I don’t examine him further. Something about him warns me not to, so I don’t look to him again.

“Get her to the nurses’ station,” Oscar is still wheezing. I let the gun rest in my hand beside my thigh, and I let them passed me. My hand numb from the power of the gun. I’m puffing as well.

Oscar drops a hand on my shoulder as he passes me, and we exchange looks. “I knew you would come in handy.” He smiles, and kisses my forehead. My heart warms. I hadn’t felt that is years; to be appreciated.