I must look like a troll

Chapter 2 �" “I must look like a troll”

 

            What is with all of the gorgeous men coming in to my life today just to have some kind of odd string attached to them to make them unavailable to me? Ezra, God’s perfect creation, is thin and bony like his father, but unlike his father he’s perfect (aside from the apparent girlfriend). He’s got the blackest of hair and the bluest of eyes. They aren’t dark like Caleb’s, but more of that icy blue that makes me shiver deep to my core. I can see the outline of his pecks and muscular arms under the fitted cobalt shirt, and I have to put my fork down before I drop it on my plate and all the attention is turned to me. His hair is black, cropped around his shoulders, and trimmed about his eye brows. I could just imagine him flicking it to the side and smiling at himself in the mirror; dorky, but I’d still drool as I watched him.

            “Earth to Penelope,” someone says, and I’m snapped from my reverie.

            “W-What?” I say, looking from Ezra, to Alec, and he’s staring at me studiously.

            “I said,” he throws a hand in the Blondie’s’ direction, “this is Amanda, Ezra’s girlfriend.” He repeats himself in a long drawn out manner, which makes me chagrin and I look over at the blond goddess and she’s holding her arms out now (somewhat spiritlessly) waiting for me to hug her. I make a ‘o’ shape with my mouth, and give her an awkward b***s-in-the face hug from my chair.

            “We’re like sisters almost.” She squeaks. I want to slap her, just then, I could feel my hand tingling wanting to meet some perfect soft flesh. I let out a breath and nod, yeah or you could die in your sleep tonight from rad poisoning.

            “Are y’all hungry?” My mother asks after a few seconds of silence in the room.

            Amanda nods, “Yes, we haven’t ate since, what, Austin?” She says, looking at Ezra, and I decide to chance it and glance at him. He’s not looking at me thankfully, but instead nodding with his girlfriend.

            “Starved.” He says.

            My mother fixes their plates, and they sit with us. I fork my steak, unsure if I should continue eating or wait. I’m not sure what the rule is if you had already started eating and new guests arrive. Is there a loop hole in Alec’s rule book or does the rule still stand? I don’t chance it. I don’t want to be scolded; I don’t think I’d be able to stand that much humility moments apart.

            “So, how was the tour?” Alec asks his son. I look from Alec to Ezra, curious.

            He shrugs, “Okay, I guess. We split in L.A. Musical differences.”

            “They were s**t.” Amanda exclaims, with so much intensity in her look I stifle I smile, and look away from the two. “You’ll do better baby.”

            My mother sets their plates down before anyone says anything else. It’s somewhat hard to believe Alec didn’t jump on her for cursing. But, I guess they are older. How old do you have to be to cuss in front of your parents? I don’t know.

            “So, have you known each other long?” My mother dares to ask.

            Amanda smiles, “We celebrated four months yesterday.” She looks at Ezra with bright green eyes. I suddenly feel full.

            “Can I be excused?” I ask Alec, who looks at me feverishly.

            He shakes his head, “You should get to know your stepbrother, Penny. He’s like a rolling stone.” And, I’m not sure what that means, so I slump in my seat, glaring at my mother; hoping she will say something.

            “Speaking of which, where are you staying Ezra? In town?” Alec looks from me, folding his hands in front of him, and then to his son.

            Ezra, tonguing the inside of his cheek looks from his father, to his now nervous looking girlfriend, and then to his plate. “Well, dad, I was hoping to stay here for a few nights.” He says, still stretching his mouth like he has a cluster f**k of food stuck in his teeth.

            Here? My insides leap. “I could clean out the guest room. Penny’s craft stuff is in there, and some of our extra boxes. I could get storage tomorrow and…” My mother rambles when she’s nervous.

            Please say no, please say no, please say no, “Yeah, okay,” Alec says, looking from his wife to his son. Great, now I’m staying next door to Malibu Barbie. “But, son, if you’re coming back, you need to remember my rules.”

            “Yes sir,” Ezra says grinning, and his teeth aren’t the whitest; instant turn off. “No smoking, no loud music in the house, no drinking, no eating after midnight,” he rambles. I look at him amused.

            “Well, I’m glad the roads haven’t changed you too much.” Alec says smirking. So, he’s always been a hard a*s.

            “You’re into art?” Amanda says with a mouth full of food. I nod, not really wanting to explain, “That’s so cool. I once drew this awesome picture of cowboys and horses for the blue-ribbon, thing. I got fourth place.”

            “That’s good, sweetie.” My mother says, looking from me to her and then back to me. And, I’m trying so hard not to laugh.

            The rest of dinner, the attention stayed off of me thankfully, and focused mainly on Ezra. He’s been traveling the US and parts of Canada on tour with his previous band The Seekers. He gave up whenever the lead vocalist went on a drinking binge for two days and messed up their “best” gig yet. Occasionally his air-head girlfriend chimed in with useless information. I do not see what he sees in her. But, who am I to judge, I just met the guy. Isn’t it typical for the rock star to date the perfect blonde with the big tits, anyways?  

            Upstairs, now, I’m gathering my art supplies and moving it into my room. I had moved it in here, because I was tired of trying to paint and failing. It was easier to forget it if I couldn’t see it, and I didn’t have the strength in me to give up any of the gifts my father gave me. So, I set it all up by the bay window, because there isn’t any room in my closet.

           

            The next day isn’t any better. Mr. Danes is also a Learning Studies Skills teacher which is basically a class that teaches you how to learn things. I can see that this class might also become nap time, if I can get away with it, and I think I can. He stares at the floor or dry erase board more than anything living in the room. Third period is math, my least favorite subject, but I also notice Myra in this class, so I sit by her today.

            “Hey,” I smile as I daringly touch her arm. She’s doodling on a sketch pad something I can’t see completely.

            She looks at me sideways, “Hey, you,” she grins.

            Okay… “How’s your second day?” I ask the only question that pops in my head.

            She sets down her pencil, shuts the sketch pad, and shrugs. “It’s school,” she mutters, and I like that attitude.

            “So, boring, dull, let-me-have-lunch-now-please kind of day,” I mumble, noticing a red-headed kid looking our way with lazy red-rimmed eyes.

            Myra nods, “All the above,” I see the gnome-like teacher making her way across the class room, “What lunch do you have?”

            “B,” I answer a little quieter, “You?”

            “Me too,” she says, and I think I have a lunch buddy!

            Math is hard as usual, and we haven’t even started on anything I haven’t seen before. This week is refreshment week, but in all honesty, I forgot it all in between, “Hey, I’m getting married Penny.” and “Hey, we’re moving to Texas, Penny.” Ugh.

           

            Yesterday I sat with a kid who picked his nose and ate it more than the food on his plate and a girl with a hunch back. While sitting there, I asked myself, why didn’t I just eat in the restroom, sadly, like that typical new girl? But today, I chose to sit with Myra and her friends. She has two, which to my surprise, is the same girl that rattled on about her summer vacation and other uninteresting stuff in my art class. Her name is Sally, and her other friend is a thin boy with a charming smile named Miles. I’m 95% sure Miles is gay, but I would never ask.

            “So, have you seen any cute boys?” Miles asks once Sally puts a spoon full of Jell-O in her mouth. BINGO �" I knew it. He’s totally gay, or close to it.

            I smile, thinking of Caleb, but I couldn’t just let that go. I wasn’t even sure what his roll was here. He looks young, but older too. I just shake my head. “C’mon, this school is crawling with them.” Miles gushes.

            “Maybe she isn’t into boys, ever think of that?” Myra says forking a piece of green beans looking matter-of-factly. Sally and Miles both turn to me for an answer, and I’m nearly choking on my fruit punch.

            “Not everyone is hard core snatch grabber like you My-ra.” Mile says. I look at Myra placidly, even though my insides are leaping, how did I know that she was gay?

            “No, I like boys. I just haven’t seen any cute ones.” I must look bashful to them because Miles is grinning, and Sally hasn’t spoken for a minute or two.

            Miles looks at me sideways, “You’re lying.”

            I shake my head, “Why would I like to you? I don’t even know you.”

            “Well, I have dibs on that one.” Miles says, pointing his plastic fork towards the red-haired kid in my math class.

            “He’s all yours.” I say.

            “What you don’t think he’s cute?” Miles says, looking mildly hurt; squinting his eyes.

            I shake my head, “He’s just not my type.”

            “What is your type then?” Sally asks.

            Blue eyes, black hair, and totally almost related to me, but I shove those thoughts from my mind. “I had a boyfriend in Toledo, but we broke up about a year ago.” A few months after my dad died.

            “Anything before eleventh grade is never considered serious anyways.” Miles says after a few seconds of silence between us. Then, Myra starts bickering with Miles after that about how that makes no sense, and my mind is drifting between my father and my ex. Then, to my deepest surprise I see the last person I’d ever think to see here; Ezra. And, best of all, he isn’t with Amanda. I almost want to wave him over, but I can’t summon the strength to do it. I look away, in fact, so he doesn’t catch my gaze. But, it’s too late, someone has already noticed. “My, my,” Miles grins at me, and then back to Ezra, “Ezra Dorian, nice.”

            I look at him astonished, “You know him?”

            “Of course,” he says, and then he’s the one that suddenly looks bashful while Sally giggles. And, I’m too curious to hold back.

            “How?” I ask.

            “It’s not important.” He says, and presses his lips. “How do you know him?”

            “He’s my step brother.” I say, looking back over to him briefly, before dropping my gaze as he exits the cafeteria.

             Miles recovering composure looks at me with stark amusement, “Why is he here? He graduated nearly four years ago.” I shrug, because I honestly have the slightest inclination.

           

            Today in P.E. it’s still dodge ball. I’m chose last this time, because the kid with the broken leg in the wheel chair switched out of P.E. So, standing, waiting to be hit by a ball, I see him come in through the double doors. He’s wearing a plain white shirt today, with blue basketball shorts, and his blonde hair reflects the light as he strolls down the side lines. Then, meeting my gaze, I smile at him, and then, like it couldn’t be any more mortifying, I’m pegged in the face by a ball and the whistle blows.

            I recover on the bench, staring at the sleek surface of the court, praying to whoever will listen for him to not come over here. And, like always, my prayers go unheard, and he sits between me and another girl on the bench. “Here,” he says, and he hands me an ice pack. How. Humiliating. Every inclination that he might have not seen is out of the window.

            “Thanks,” I mutter.

            “Well at least you weren’t the first person out today.” He says exhaling. I nod, pressing the cold pouch to my face. “You really shouldn’t look away from the game, that’s when they like to get you.” Well noted.

             “I am the worst dodge ball player, ever.” I sulk.

            “It’s not even a sport. Don’t feel too bad.” He says, leaning into his knees, and I can see him from my peripherals.

            I shrug, “Maybe I should just switch out of here. I didn’t pick P.E. in the first place. It was part of the transfer package. Apparently two years of P.E. isn’t good enough here.”

            “Nah, dodge ball will be up soon. Then it’s volley ball.” He says and I can feel his eyes on me. I look over at him, and then back to the game. Myra is still going strong. She’s one the three people left on our team.

            “That will be even worse. That requires coordination.” And, I don’t have any.

            He laughs, “Well, how about track?” he asks.

            “Running?” I inquire, taking the pack off my face whenever it almost feel too numb to talk.

            “Yes, running. I run the track here. If you want to get into that instead of this, I can see if I can rearrange things for you.” He says, and this is too good to be true.

            “But,” I say.

            “It’s fine; this will become a free period for you in the library; study or read. But, after school you’re all mine.” He says, and he leaves me with that. He blows his whistle and it’s time to regroup the balls and play to the death. I watch the game mindlessly, thinking only of his proposition.

           

            Whenever I get home, I go through the back door, it’s only Amanda there, and she’s washing clothes. I try my best to sneak upstairs, but she has already seen me. “Hey, little sis!” she calls, and I can’t help but to cringe.

            “Hi,” I say, setting my purse onto the coat hanger.

            She skips over to me wearing only a half shirt that says “Sexy & I know it,” and shorts that are closer to her who-ha than her knees. She hugs me, and I pat her once. “How was school?” She asks.

            “Wonderful,” I lie, bulging my eyes sarcastically.

            She doesn’t take her arm from my shoulder, “Oh, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. I loved high school.”

            “I’m sure you did.” Who wouldn’t like the constant boyfriend after boyfriend after hook up after lesbian encounter?

            “Yeah, I guess it’s different for some people.” She says, and I’m pulling away from her, trying to get to the first step.

            “I guess so.” I say, agreeably; the first thing she has gotten right all day I’m sure.

            “Do you need help with homework?” She asks, clasping her hands together as I finally struggle away from her arm-wrap. I shake my head, oh heavens no.

            “Well, let me know if you do. I’m pretty good at geometry.” And, I’m almost positive she means geography. “I can name all the states backwards.” Alrighty then…

            “I got it.” I reassure her half way up the stairs. “Thanks though.” She nods, giddily and I hurry up the rest of the way. I shut my door and crash into my bed.

            My mom seems to be knocking on my door seconds later, “Hey, love-bug.” She calls into my dark room. “Penny,” she says again, and she’s closer this time. She sits on the end of my bed, and touches my butt. I turn around mechanically. “Oops,” she says.

            “What’s up?” I say swiping the sleep from my face.

            “Alec ordered pizza tonight, are you hungry?” She asks, and even though I don’t want to be, I desperately am. Why can’t I just eat in my room like a normal rebellious I-hate-everything teenager?

            To my utter surprise, Amanda isn’t there, but Ezra is. He watches as I follow after my mother. And, I’m thinking I must look like a troll right now with smeared mascara if he’s staring for this long. “Hey, kiddo,” Alec says whose sitting beside Ezra with three pieces of uneaten pizza.

            “Hey Alec,” I say looking from Ezra to his father.

            “Grab you a plate, we’re all starved.” He says, and I do.

            I sit in front of Ezra, beside my mom and diagonal from Alec. We start to eat whenever I sit down. It’s quiet as we all chew and then Alec starts. “We won the case today, that’s the second one this month.” He says, and my mother pats his hand.

            “That’s good sweetheart.” She says, and I give Alec a genuine smile whenever he looks over at me.

            “Where is Amanda at tonight?” Alec then asks.

            Ezra finishes his bite quickly before answering, “She’s out with some friends.”

            “I thought she wasn’t from around here?” My mother asks. I thought so too. We both look at him studiously.

            “She said she was going out with some girls she met at the gym today.” He shrugs, looking at both of us, and then back to his father.

            Alec nods, taking another bite of pizza, “That’s good. She’s not going to be out too late is she?”

            Ezra shrugs, “I don’t know.”

            “Well, we’re not a hotel, son.” Alec says sternly. “We don’t stay open all night.”

            Ezra nods, “She’ll be back in time.” I really hope not.

            My mother starts talking about her day at work today. She’s a dentist assistant, which is about as exciting as it sounds. I try not to zone out, but I do. I think of Caleb, his full lips speaking those words you’re all mine. And, I really, really wish I was. Somehow I can’t decipher if he’s being helpful or flirtatious every time I talk to him. Which is infuriating sure, but it still manages to warm my insides.

            I tune back in whenever Ezra starts to talk, because much like Caleb, I’m totally dazed by his beauty. “It went good.” He says, picking at the peperoni on his pizza, and suddenly he reminds me of a kid.

            “That’s good.” Alec says. “I knew Coleen would come through for us.”

            “Coleen?” My mother asks like she just has to be jealous.

            “You remember Hershel’s wife. They are the ones that bought you that perfume you like so much.” Alec says then my mother nods in remembrance. “She’s also the school’s music teacher, and she’s looking for an assistant.”

            “Well, that’s good,” my mother says, and I’m still connecting the pieces.

            “I’ll find out for sure tomorrow.” Ezra says looking from Alec to me briefly then back to his pizza which is nearly pepperoni-less. Then I understand, like my hunky P.E. teacher, he’s going to be a hunky music-teacher-assistant. Great.

           

            “Like this P,” my father says with his warm voice that warms my heart. I like dreams like this. I copy the way his arches his wrist as he takes the paint brush against the white canvas. I look at him from approval, and he nods, kissing my forehead. I can almost feel his lips there, like I did long before, and I smile. “Again,” he says, tapping my hand, and I do.

            “Right,” I say, looking at him sideways. He brushes his choppy brown hair to the side of his face, and looks at me with his warm hazel eyes, and smiles.

            “You’re a nat-,” then I can’t make out what he says. I think he says ‘natural’ but I can’t hear it.

            “What?” I ask, somewhat frantic. I’m losing him.

            “You’re a-,” then it happens again. I can’t hear him. I can’t hear him. What’s going on?!

            “Dad, no, what are you saying?” I say, and then he brushes hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear, and I’m awake.

            I’m sweating whenever I sit up; the blanket is sticking to my arms and legs as I pull them off. My mouth feels so dry, I need water, and whenever I’m about to step down onto the cool wood panels I hear a heart stopping, snap. I turn in the direction of it, and it’s my window. Then again, snap. I hurry over to it, and then stop just short of seeing outside, and I hesitate. I exhale and inhale, step forward, snap. “God damn it,” I say out loud as it makes my heart leap and then I see the Malibu Barbie outside dropping the remaining rocks, then waving her arms frantically. Now, I have two choices; open my window and tell her to f**k off or let her in.

            I glare at my alarm clock, its 3:49 am. She is way past curfew. I have every right, according to Alec to let her sleep outside and think about what she did. But, I also have to consider Ezra. What if it was my illiterate caveman of a boyfriend outside that wanted in? Right, it would never happen, because there is an intelligence requirement to date me, but shouldn’t I want to help my step brother?

            So, I suck it up, exhale a long breath and sneak down stairs and fan her inside. She hugs me, oh lord, I think I have made a mistake as she wraps her warm sweaty arms around me, her bra-less breasts against mine own, and I smell her B.O. and I want to shove her outside, but I can’t make myself do it. “Thank you Patty, you’re too nice.” She slurs.

            “Penny,” I correct.

            “No, that’s your mother. I might be drunk, but I’m not stupid.” She says, and I don’t bother this time. I let her hold onto me all the way upstairs, because if she falls I might be in trouble too if Alec wakes up.

            I knock lightly on Ezra’s door, and I hear shuffling, and then the door opens, and Amanda drops onto him. “Baby,” she squeaks, and I grimace.

            “Just go to bed,” he says, and she wobbles away from him. He looks at me with so much intensity and I look away. “Thanks,” he finally says.

            “No problem,” I say, folding my arms.

            Then he tugs on my sleeve, “No really, thank you.” He says again, and his expression has lightened incredibly and I just nod.