Deterioration

TRIGGER WARNING: content relating to abuse

If my heart breaks
inside my chest
and you
are not there
to hear it,
does it still make a sound?
Can my ribs be heard
snapping
like twigs?
Or do my lungs
ignore
the absence of a pulse,
listening instead
for the whisper of deadly gases,
becoming louder
each time I breathe you in?
Please
don't stop blowing smoke
in my face.
Don't stop reminding me
that I have no choice
but to inhale.

I’ve said sorry
too many times.
I'm sorry
I never had enough
to give you,
I'm sorry
I have less
and less
for you to take
each day.
I'm sorry
it took me
so long
to understand
that creating a home for you
is synonymous
with destroying myself.

I’m losing the rainforests
in my chest
at the same rate
that I'm losing hope
of ever being whole again.
Environmentalists
would call
for a state of emergency
if they could see
the way
my trees
are being knocked down
one by one
by the force of your blows.
Do you destroy me
because you hate me,
or because you hate yourself?
How many more times
will you set me on fire
to keep yourself warm?

How long
did it take you
to understand
that I will always forgive you?
That my flowers
will continue to grow
in the cracks between your pavement
and fight
as hard as they can
to keep loving,
hoping one day they’ll learn to coexist
with the jagged edges of your asphalt.
Hoping
one day
they won’t scrape their sides
trying to see the sun.

Binge drinking
to forget
what you’ve done,
you throw broken glass
along my shorelines,
hoping it cuts my throat
enough that I stop
crying
for help.
You’ve spilled
too much blood
into my oceans,
far too many of my tears
have fallen on your cheeks.
You're a drug
in my system,
seeping slowly into my waterways
so I can
never
get you out.
Tell me,
when did you realize that
the more
you polluted me,
the stronger
my dependence
would grow?

Author's Note

constructive criticism welcome

Reviews

[Shabeeh Haider]

Beautifully written. Very sad and wonderful use of nature to describe the heartbreak

[Inject Positivity]

This is truly heartbreaking and painful, from construction to the concept the whole poem contains an emotional presentation that reaches to the reader... You have quite brilliantly placed the words to create the impact... It's a sad one, the pain you have mentioned is overwhelming and all I wish is that no one has to go through this kind of torture... The beginning of the poem was fabulous with so many details... Very well thought out work...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Sarah]

I am glad you enjoyed it, thanks for your wonderful feedback!

[William Liston]

This poem is beautiful. With its heart-breaking words and vivid imagery that nearly gives me chills, this poem is simply beautiful. I loved every word. I felt the pain that you put behind every line. The first six lines were brilliant, an excellent play on a common phrase. Great job. I look forward to reading more from you soon.

-William Liston

[Sarah]

Thank you very very much

[Cobblestone Traveler]

I literally said "wow" out loud. It pulled me in and released me at the end feeling the ache of the pain you described. My favorite line is "How many more times will you set me on fire to keep yourself warm?" Very deep and moving. I look forward to more of your work!

[Sarah]

Thank you so much!