The Here and Now

This chapter describes where J.C. and I stand at this point in time.

Now--a little over two months and a few squabbles later--here we are. We're still not officially a couple again, but we are "talking," and he doesn't seem particularly interested in putting a stop to that anytime soon...and as you probably already guessed a long time ago, neither am I.

 

We've still been texting all the time and spending at least part of the weekends together. I usually stay with him on Friday nights and hang out for a while during the day on Saturdays; on Saturday nights, he's usually bar-hopping with his friends, and I'm usually hanging out with Kara. On Sundays, we usually just text. We went on a one-night trip to Galveston in the middle of July; this time, we were by ourselves. We've also been to the movies and out to eat several times as well.

 

I've had plenty of people tell me that I should just stop trying to make things work with him and find somebody else; someone who actually has at least some idea of what they want and won't leave me wondering all the time. However, I have also had quite a few people (his "little sister" included) that it's highly possible that J.C. is simply not ready to be serious at this point in time...but that when he is ready, I'm the one that he's going to want to be serious with. I'm sure it's probably pretty easy for you to figure out which opinion I'm choosing to take to heart.

 

Throughout the time that J.C. has spent in my life, I have learned so much from him. I no longer allow my first impression of someone to stand on its own without giving that person a chance to prove me wrong. My first impression of J.C. was that he was annoying, unattractive, and an individual who I just did not want to deal with. Had I never given him the chance to prove me wrong, I would have missed out on all of the amazing blessings and wonderful memories that I have gained because of him. I wouldn't have established the relationships that I have built with his parents, sister, and brother-in-law...meaning that I would have missed out on the relationship that I hope to establish with little John Dee, his nephew that is due to be born two days before my birthday. And most importantly, without J.C., I would have never experienced what it is like to truly be in love.

 

When I was a junior in high school, I dated a guy named A.J. for seven months and swore up and down--even after I met and started dating J.C.--that he was my first true love and that no one--not even J.C.--could ever replace him when it came to that position.

 

The more that I compare and contrast those two relationships, however, the more obvious it becomes to me that my previous assumption is wrong. True, I did love A.J., and he will always have a special place in my heart. But although I loved him...well, I highly doubt that this is going to make any sense, but I'm going to go ahead and just say it anyway. Even though I loved him, I never actually loved him. Oure relationship was nothing but smooth sailing; there were no fights, there was no drama, and there was most certainly never any claim about a baby being on the way.

 

I've come to realize that without obstacles like that being thrown into the mix, I never really had an actual chance to love A.J. After all, that's when you know whether or not you seriously love someone--when you're forced to be selfless and put that person before yourself...such as when I had to put aside my selfish desire to keep J.C. with me when I knew that he needed to be with his ex and when I had to leave him alone and give him time and space to figure out what he wanted to do.

 

Of course, I still want us to get back together someday, and there are plenty of days when I feel sad that we still haven't made that happen. But whenever I start to feel like that, I just remind myself that things could be a whole lot worse. After all, would I rather have him in my life the way that he is now--which is basically as a boyfriend without the label attached--or would I rather have him not be in my life at all? I'll leave you to figure that one out for yourself.

 

It honestly amazes me when I look back and see just how much things have changed since J.C. texted his way into my life. I went from not wanting anything to do with him...to reluctantly agreeing to hang out with him...to wanting to just be friends with him...to having a crush on him...to loving him more than I ever knew that it was possible to love someone. Obviously, our relationship has changed as well; it has waxed and waned on an almost nonstop basis.

 

I don't really know what's going to happen with J.C. and me at any point in the future, and I highly doubt that he knows that, either. As you can tell by reading this story, things can--and do--change incredibly quickly and in moments when change is least expected. They have most certainly never been shy about changing in this situation, and I don't really see why they would suddenly start to be that way now.

 

There are times when I look at J.C. and can't believe that I've put up with this...I'll use the first remotely nice word that comes to my mind and just say creature...for as long as I have and wonder why I still continue to put up with...it. But then again, each time I look at him--especially when my gaze happens to meet those big, blue eyes or fall upon that beautiful smile--I remember every single reason that I have ever had for being so completely hard-headed about him. J.C. can be an extremely difficult person to love at times, but even in spite of that, I still continue to love him unconditionally and with all of my heart.

 

I guess not everything changes after all.