(Officially) Back Together and Changing Even More

This chapter is about when J.C. and I became an official couple again...as well as another major change that took place.

Either late on the night of June 17 or in the extremely early hours of June 18, my sweet, beloved J.C. and I became "official" again. If at all possible, I was even happier than I had been on the day that we had become an official couple for the first time. And as I drifted off to sleep next to him, all I could do was thank God for helping everything work out and fall back into place.

 

On June 18--or perhaps in the wee hours of the morning on June 19; I can't remember which one it was--I experienced another major change brought on by J.C.

 

Up until that point in time, I had promised that I would remain abstinent from sexual intercourse until the night of my wedding. I had been wearing a purity ring for about a year and a half as an outward symbol of that vow. On this particular occasion, however, things just felt...different. J.C. and I had talked about stepping things up to that next level before, and he had asked me several times if I wanted to do so. I wanted to--more than I had ever wanted to do just about anything--but each time, I ended up backing out, deciding that I wasn't actually ready to make that leap after all.

 

At this part of the story, I will do my very best to be ladylike and avoid going into too much detail. Forgive me if I mess this up horribly and wind up offending anybody.

 

Once we settled into his room for the night, things got pretty steamy between J.C. and me. Eventually, in the midst of our passionate kisses, warm caresses, and loving embraces, I heard his voice speak softly.

 

"Do you want to?"

 

I didn't say anything. I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling; silently repeating that question to myself in my head. Well, Sarah? Do you want to?

 

When I still provided no response, J.C. prompted me with a soft-spoken, "Hey," and a gentle nudge. A few more seconds, and my mind was made up. The remainder of that conversation was somewhere along these lines.

 

"Yes."

 

"What?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yes."

 

With that being said, he got up to walk across the room and retrieve protection. Meanwhile, I remained lying there on the bed, my heart and mind an absolute whirlwind (listening to a Keith Urban song that, for the life of me, I have never been able to remember). I was thinking so many thoughts and feeling so many emotions. That moment, as I waited for him to return to me, was the beginning of the waterworks. I shed my tears silently, not quite knowing exactly why I was crying, but knowing that those tears were coming from a place within my soul that they never had before.

 

Upon preparing what he needed to prepare, J.C. returned to the bed. He asked me one more time if I was sure, and I responded that I was. This is it, I told myself. There's no turning back now.

 

The waterworks that had shown up as I waited for him soon reached their peak. I ended up spending about the first minute or so sobbing onto his shoulder, blubbering about how I was so scared that he was just going to end up leaving me in the long run. He held me tightly and reassured me that he wasn't going anywhere, and I eventually managed to get myself back under control enough for things to continue.

 

I can't really explain what it was like. Painful, yet comfortable. Sad, yet happy. What with us not being married, I knew that it was also disgraceful...but at the same time, it seemed like it was the most wonderful thing that I had ever done before in my whole entire life.

 

When it was over, I lay on the bed, and he was kneeling next to it with his head leaning on it. Our fingers were intertwined, and we were quiet. I started crying again as the whirlwind of emotion contnued within my heart and mind.

 

I had just changed my life forever and given Johnny Craig Naron a part of me that no one else had ever shared in. I hadn't kept the promise that I had made, and I knew that whenever word got out about that, there were going to be a lot of shocked and even heartbroken people. However, in that moment, it didn't matter. In that moment--that beautiful, priceless moment--I can honestly say that I could not have been happier.