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well heres another one, it's bad but i just like to write for fun. tell me what you thinkk.thankss:)

 everywhere but no where

i see your face

inching towards you

as you inch back

my empty ams are for you

they'll have memories of us

when yours are of new memories

i want to feel the warmth of you

i'm so cold

while your flaming hot

i try to hide the pain          

but the pain is when you look at me

those eyes burn threw me

like nothings there

like i never was here

i feel still, like someone pushed the stop button on me

when yours is playing freely    

alone in this world

wanting you in my world

but as i take a step outside

he takes a step inside                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Reviews

[Pimpinella]

there is a lot to play with here. I really enjoy the last line

he takes a step inside

the whole poem your saying you you you then you hit with a he and it makes a big impact. you do have a talent. you know how to explain an emotion that may have a personal background.

the only constructive criticism i would offer is try to use different words. expand your vocabulary just a bit.

other then that keep up this good work and ill be back to read more =)

[Tas]

you have a nice way with words, keep up the writing, nice read, cant wait to read more.

[Nish Nish the Fish]

wow...thats really powerful.
"everywhere but nowhere i see you" that line jumped out at me because it has so much meaning and emotion locked into it. to feel and think of someone everywhere you go, but to not see them when you physicall need their presence.

nice job!

when you say "inching towards you" do mean "inching towards me?" it didnt quite make sense with the other line.

but again, there was alot of emotion evoked into this. =)