Spring Misery

Chapter 2

For the lovely season of Spring, I spend my time indoors, crying, and cutting away at my skin. Blood drips everywhere so I reach for magic pills to take me far, far away. The medication disintegrates sincerity of feeling. I'm being deprived of "me", whoever that is. I'm merely a puppet, not a real person. My perception has become foggy as the world transforms into a 2-D movie. 

I see someone in the mirrors surrounding me, screaming. Why isn't my reflection me? She's telling me, "Look, don't you see? Let me go, set me free. You know what to do. Don't be afraid". I'm falling, watching, waiting. Some days I'm long gone, and so far from living. 

Looking back, I have always been living a lie? Have I always felt one way and acted another? It's pretty scary to think about, not being honest. And the way my parents look at me, I bet they're proud that I even got out of bed this morning. Hell, before the whole hospital thing happened no one gave a s**t about me. All that mattered was I got good grades in school and oh yeah, that's it. Aw, you had to stay up until 3:00 am studying for an exam? Oh well! School is more important... what bullshit. It's sickening that I have to go to a hospital to make them understand. 

Why can't I see an end to all of the pain? The problem is me. I refuse to blame all of this on anyone else. The problem is, and forever will be, me. The past hurts, the future hurts, and the present doesn't exist. 

Author's Note

Trying to get started on a book but have no clue where I'm going with it. This is chapter 2 of "Sincerity of Feeling". Please give me advice that would rock. Thanks!