Fading Away

Thoughts race and tired eyes stare blankly. Knowing, but not feeling. Consumed by a plague of emptiness, falling backwards into the abyss. I see gloomy afternoons, vacated streets, children crying. Time ceaselessly moves forward, but I stay still. 

I'm always hiding from something. Some person, some party, some place. After a while I begin to hide from myself. I'm never right wherever I seem to be. 

This is my life, and I'm existing but not living. What I'd like is to go to sleep and never wake up. I'm disappearing, fading into the background music of life. I am searching for this definitive moment that started it all, but I can't find it. Maybe I never will. I'm hungry and can't eat; tired and can't sleep. I see the sunshine in the morning and mock my misery. The clouds float with no worry while all the pain is heavy on my shoulders. Constructing a future feels impossible. Thinking about tomorrow has become too much to handle. All I want is to function like a normal human being. I have to keep going, that is what we do. We keep going against all odds.