Chapter II - A New Life

Tsarskoe Selo, Russia, March 1915

 

Natalia

 

The ground floor of the palace was turned upside down. Most servants had been discharged of their usual occupations and were summoned to the ballroom, not knowing what to expect. At exactly 9am, Natalia and Irina entered the room, both holding their mother’s hand and were immediately greeted by dozens of confused and inquisitive eyes. They retreated back into their mother’s skirt, but she didn’t show any signs of intimidation. With her strong voice, she stepped forward and made her announcement.

 

“As you all know, we are living in a very difficult time. I know many of your sons and relatives have already left to the front. Some of them have, unfortunately, perished.”

 

When the last sentence was uttered, Natalia saw a few of the servants breaking down in tears, while others tried to comfort them. The scene had a profound impact on her and she would never forget it. Even though she didn’t know the men and boys who had died, her heart sank with those who had endured those losses. She could only think of her brothers, who had away fighting. What if it happened to them as well? The thought of it was so horrible that she had to fight hard to hold back her tears.

 

Her mother, on the other hand, seemed perfectly composed and continued with her speech.

 

“As you may know, many of our relatives have joined the war effort. My own sons, Vladimir and Alexander, and the Grand Duke’s son, Grand Duke Dmitri are fighting as we speak and, in less than a week, the Grand Duke himself will join them.”

 

There was a general gasp heard from the group, followed shortly after by a round of applause and cheer. Some of the men and women were making the sign of the cross. The girls already knew he was leaving, they had been told the day before. In February, the family doctor had confirmed that their father’s health was improving and that was enough for him to plead with the Tsar to let him fight. He had been so happy when he told the news that they didn’t have the heart to cry or to beg him to stay.

 

“In light of these events, I have decided to make a few changes to all of our routines. As the time goes by and the war continues, it seems a true scandal to continue to live in this luxury. From next week on, we will be, for the most part, a family of three living here and I don’t think there is a need to keep all rooms of the palace open.”

 

This time, the whisper that grew from the servants had a more serious and worried tone. Some of them even began to protest, saying they needed the job to maintain their families. Their mother tried to sooth them with a gesture of hands.

 

“This does not mean, in any way, that your wages will be cut and no one will be dismissed. Your energy will merely be necessary for other endeavours.”

 

When she managed to get the attention of the crowd again, she proceeded.

 

“As I said, some of the rooms will be closed until further instructions. Others, however, will merely be used for other purposes, as will be the case with this ballroom.” She made a pause and produced a letter from her pocket, which she showed to the servants. “Last week, I have received this from Her Imperial Majesty, Empress Alexandra. Here she tells me that the number of wounded men arriving in Petersburg over the last few weeks has been overwhelming. Traditional hospitals have not been able to house them all, which is why the Empress has been kind enough to offer some rooms in the Winter Palace to this purpose.”

 

The mood of the group changed again and applause could be heard echoing through the walls.

 

“In addition to space to receive our brave heroes returning from the front, the Empress tells me that there is a lack of bandages and warm clothes in the trenches. We are, quite fortunately, able to respond to both of these requests. Which brings me to the reason why I summoned you all here today.”

 

After another brief pause, Natalia could see a warm smile in her mother’s face.

 

“In order to give our contribution to the war effort, I have decided to turn this ballroom into a campaign hospital. We have already purchased thirty beds and sent for a doctor from Petersburg to come here three times a week. We are also going to have nurses from the Red Cross and other organizations coming in everyday, but as there never is enough help in these cases, we are encouraging those of you who would like it, to take the course and work as nurses here. The Grand Duke and I will pay for all of your expanses and raise your wages, if you choose to do so. I will also set up a workshop in our drawing-room, where we will make bandages, clothes and everything else that may be needed. We will also need all the work we can help for this. My own daughters,” at this stage, she pushed Natalia and Irina gently forward, “will be helping me at the workshop.”  

 

***

Less than a week after the announcement, the first camp beds for the hospital began to arrive. Natalia followed the entire procedure with a heavy heart. The ballroom, which had never been used in the year that had passed since their arrival in Russia, had already been stripped of most of its contents. Chairs, tables, vases, had been moved to one of the guest rooms that was to be shut down for as long as the war lasted. Only the marble floor and the painted ceiling had remained, but Natalia had a feeling they would have been removed too, if it was possible.

 

As the servants carried the beds inside, Natalia followed them around, running after them. Her mother had already asked her to remain still, but she couldn’t. If she stopped for a single minute, her head would be immediately filled with gloomy thoughts and comparisons between her quiet, happy life in Paris and the overwhelming year she had spent in Russia.

 

Everything was different there and she wasn’t sure she could blame just the war for that. People were much more serious in Russia, it was as if everyone was watching and judging their every move. She couldn’t dance anymore and they were only allowed to act in plays deemed “morally suitable” for the susceptible minds of their relatives. Her parents weren’t around as often anymore either, even before the war had started. Russian society didn’t have an open mind for children, who were seen as little more than a nuisance until they came of age. The moto “children are meant to be seen and not heard” was still in full force around here.

 

The other children they had met were also very strange, she thought. They never wanted to play in the garden and thought the worst thing that could happen to them was getting their dresses dirty. On the first month she had spent in Russia, when there was still snow, one of her cousins, Princess Nadja, who was a few years older than her, had started to cry because she hit her with a snowball that hit her in the head and made her loose a worthless hair pin. Since the war had started, they never saw anyone else again, apart from their half-sisters, who came to visit once in a while, but were much older than them and already married.

 

All in all, their move to Russia had brought her little happiness, the only exception being the opportunity of meeting her closest relatives.

 

When Natalia got tired of running around the people who were bringing the beds in, she moved on to the drawing-room, where she was greeted by the roar of the sewing machines, operated not only by their servants, but also by other people who had volunteered to help. There were pieces of fabric covering the floor and sewing thread and dust from the cloth flying around in the air. Her mother had been trying to teach her how to make bandages and socks, but Natalia wasn’t very good at it, unlike her sister Irina, who was already working with the rest of the women when she wasn’t having her lessons. When she entered the room, her mother, who was sewing by the window, with Irina sitting on the floor next to her, glanced at her disapprovingly.

 

“Where have you been?” She asked her. “You should be learning how to do this.”

 

Natalia sighed and sat next to Irina.

 

“I know, I know. I just couldn’t concentrate. I needed to catch some air.”

 

Irina smiled and looked at her sister.

 

“That’s a new way of saying you didn’t feel like doing this.”

 

Natalia rolled her eyes and unwillingly picked a roll of fabric, string and a needle from a bag left close by. Then, she sat next to her mother who, once again, showed her very slowly how to make bandages. Anytime she dared to complain that she was bored and tired, her mother told her that there were people who were having it much worse than them and that, once the soldiers began to arrive in a few days, she would see how serious the reality of war really was.

 

***

She had not paid much attention to her mother’s warnings, but she discovered soon enough that they were all true. By the end the month, the first soldiers began to arrive. For some reason, in Natalia’s mind, the soldiers that would come to her pretty palace, would already be washed and healed and would only need to recover for a while, before going back into the battlefield. No one had told her such thing, quite the contrary, but she hadn’t come to terms with the reality of the situation until she watched the young men being carried inside in precarious stretchers, with clumsy bandages barely covering their deep wounds. At least five of them arrived without some limb. Arms, hands, feet, legs gone as though they had never existed.

 

Natalia watched the whole scene with her sister. Their mother had taken them out of their lessons and told them to stand in the main entrance with their tutor to greet the soldiers that came in. Irina managed to say a few elusive words, but Natalia was too shaken to speak. She never managed to get those soldiers out of her mind, not for the rest of her life. Others came, eventually. Some in a better shape, others worse, but nothing could compare to that first impact.

 

Despite being just 10 years-old at the time, her mother didn’t spare her or her sister, who was just two years older, any horrible sight. Later in that first evening, when her mother was brushing her hair before going to sleep, Natalia asked between broken sobs her why she had taken them out to see that.

 

“Because that’s the reality, Natasha. You have learnt more today than any lesson in a schoolroom could teach you. Your brothers and your father see a lot worse than that every single day. And at least now you can understand why it’s important to help.”

 

But Natalia didn’t, not at the time. She was haunted by nightmares for months and could not stop thinking about her brothers and father. Sometimes, she thought she saw them on the stretches that continued to arrive.