impermanent as the sea / impermanent as you & me

is nothing permanent? nothing secure?
the query is a quest; I ache inside.
as I watch the ocean ebb and flow
(and remember all the nights
i had to watch him go...)

new love fades and passion abates
(we've all watched love transform to hate)

a child's innocence can dissipate...
turn into cuts upon her arm
and a finger in her throat

-letters to a lover can become
empty words the heart once wrote-

it all seems so malleable
so transient and bittersweet

(but i'm laying in the sun,
so perhaps it's just the heat)

is permanence a figment
of my over-hopeful heart?

the idea that someone will adore me
each day of my life
(not become sick with me or too quick with me)

and make love to me each night.

sweet constancy sweet constancy
how i wish to hold you tight

my fear of the future
is only matched by the notion
that i could be someone's tide

and he would be my ocean.

Reviews

[Trisha Clark]

Lines like this :

(we've all watched love transform to hate)

and this:

that i could be someone's tide

and he would be my ocean.

are what keep us all coming back. i love your style, and that you're not afraid of semi-colons and such. :) glad you stopped in to write today. :)

hope the rest of Aruba is great!

[Joel Wool]

the question examined in this poem is one you interrogate well and fully.

your writing style is beautiful. you have a great ability to use subtlety... or rather, to make words and phrases just as apparent and obvious as they need to be, and not a speck more.

the last line is positioned, phrased, written, crafted, etc. absolutely beautifully.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"Oh to have someone with notions that I cherish and adore
Who washes me like oceans trying to swallow the shore"... Fabian

This was lovely and yes everything seems to be transient as indeed it is. Life is entropy but life is beauty as well. This was great writing. I enjoyed it very much.

[Brandon Lloyd Massey]

I'm surprised I haven't read this before, Kara. I remember looking over at your site after you reviewed Whirlwind, but I guess I just missed it. Maybe it's new...regardless, a nice piece of work. Very layed back, very hazy, like you are laying in a desert under an umbrella with no oasis in sight. The line that hit me the hardest ( maybe because of what's going on in my life now) was:

"it all seems so malleable
so transient and bittersweet

(but i'm laying in the sun,
so perhaps it's just the heat) "

Sometimes life does feel this way, and without a true answer to give our wandering minds, we pass these thoughts off as delirium or foolishness. Is it the truth, or not? We may never know.

Now, as for actual reviewing... I do appreciate the parts in parentheses, those whispers, if you will, that aren't quite there as line themselves, but almost sub-thoughts of the main poem. They make you actually feel the poem instead of reading it. However, I'm not sure "(not become sick with me or too quick with me)" needs to be in parentheses. I think it may be able to stand alone.

"-letters to a lover can become
empty words the heart once wrote-"

Did the heart write these things, or was it just the hand? Was it a scheming mind's idea in order to maintain your lover's interest? I'm not sure the heart can be fooled. We may talk ourselves into believing we feel a certain way, but the heart always seems to know the truth. I dunno', just nitpicking on this one; my personal stance on the heart and true feelings may be getting in my way.

Sweet constancy, sweet constancy....how we ALL long to hold you tight... Nice work, Kara. Since I'm back, I'm sure I'll keep an eye on your work.

[Aka; Donnie (ramone) Ka..]

ah yes! It is with dreadful excitement that I face each day with....

Good stuff, but then I rather enjoy most every word flowing from your pen that I'm lucky enough to read.

this wax estatic, doesn't really help your growth as a poet, I know. but what else can I offer?
I'm a big fan of your sweet soul!

[Gandré]

lol...I had so much longing for your poetry, that I reviewed twice, lol....but....the same perception ...i just recognized that I know that text....and checked it out...LOL both times the same favorite stanza....

[Gandré]

this is crackling iwth suspense of future life. i know those feelings.

"my fear of the future
is only matched by the notion
that i could be someone's tide

and he would be my ocean. " => the ending is my favorite. Even other parts were beautiful. but this meaning was extraordinary deep.

the idea with the rhyme in the title was awesome. I liked it, my dear. I miss you. when are you back?

[H. A. M.]

Beautiful! These are the winning lines for me.
fear of the future
is only matched by the notion
that i could be someone's tide
and he would be my ocean. This speacks truthfully about the ebb and flow of relationships and wanting to be in one. Well done.

[obsolete]

This was absolutely beautiful to be quite honest. You have chalked up another win in my book. The effects of the sun inspired brilliance that hot summer day. I love the title, love the overall message, and the longing you portray throughout, the longing for a lifelong companion that becomes corrupted by cynicism. Very simple structure and phrasing which makes it widely comprehensive, yet it has powerful meaning and packs quite a punch. Another job well done!

[Doug]

my fear of the future
is only matched by the notion
that i could be someone's tide

and he would be my ocean.

I liked these lines the best in the poem. I almost want them at the beginning. It change up the poem a little bit but it would be an interesting change in my opinion. Keep the poetry coming.

[Blackbirdsong]

These three couplets together are a powerful force in and of themselves:

-letters to a lover can become
empty words the heart once wrote-

it all seems so malleable
so transient and bittersweet

(but i'm laying in the sun,
so perhaps it's just the heat)

This is a wonderfully written, well done poem. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work in the future.