i may not make it through the night

i am pierced deep
within my passions.

i gasp;
and proceed to bleed
all over the ground.

the earth begins to saturate
with red. i grasp tightly
to my sanity
and release
a scream.

i move carefully, so as not to rip open
old wounds. no, this new
mutilation
is enough.

it is more than breath can handle;
i stop tasting the air
and for a moment,
i fall.

deep into the despair
i have only known
for moments
(at a time)

one never forgets
such pain.

i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die.

Reviews

[David P. Eckert]

You portray the perfect imagery for the idiom "cut me to the quick." The bleeding, the spilling out. The trick to limit damage is not to connect the new wound with older ones, preserving one's sanity and ego. I think your imagery is solid. I think it might be worth looking at the verb tenses in one spot. For example "the earth begins to saturate" might work better than "the earth is beginning to saturate." It's more immediate, and most of your poem uses that more immediate tense form. You portray, as is your usual, both strong emotion and clear, vivid imagery. Very enjoyable.

David

[Ashton]

This is so beautiful in all of its sadness.

[Cdnsurfer]

Despair. That storm that blows oh so cold, relentless, sucking out your breath so you gasp and struggle to cling on. To let go and drift with its current is dangerous. She can sweep you away in a blink in its flashflood. Sad, very sad, and oh so meaningful. I could feel this scraping at my very bones. Thank you for the wonderful read. Cheers! Rob

[Barry S. Maltese]

You depict your pain so very poeticly. To have the pain come out of you like blood from a wound. I can picture the scenario in my mind. nice composition.

[Ed Rector]

a really sad piece and unfortenutlly for me i can relate. i tried and pic out a stanza that hit home to me more then the others but the entire piece was well balanced with flow and creative nessesity, so good job...

[Jessica Leigh]

wow kara....I felt the pain in this. It definitely touched me, as does most of your writing.I always look forward to reading your stuff =)wonderful as usual

[Richard K]

:( My heart is here to keep you warm, my dear. And I can say, with all sincerity, that your words have beauty no matter what you are writing. Don't let disappointments dim the color of your words. Ever. :)

[Anhedonia 1349]

Hemingway.

Hemingway always had a way with words. With emotions. With sadness most of all. As I read this piece, I couldn't help hearing my old, highschool literature critic leaping up and down in the back of my mind and reminding me of A Farewell to Arms. There are a lot of parallels I think between this piece and that one; honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised for your last line to have involved dying alone in the rain. Hell, that is pain, and that, my friend, is precisely what you've conveyed here. You did it so well, too.

I like the way you kept your stanzas short. I found myself reading the lines much more slowly here - you know, pronouncing each and every word slowly and individually and just enjoying the way the tale rolled off my tongue. Needless to say, I don't think you could've pulled off the same poignancy had your stanzas been ridiculously long (like most poems on here). Instead, it seemed as though you were writing with a very tangible effectiveness - like all of your words carried very distinctive purposes with each contributing to the greater purpose of the piece.

I also liked the way you took the typical here's pain metaphor and stretched it out through the whole piece; instead of sounding clich�, it came across as very very personal. The first person narration added to that, painting each scene as a portrait of activity sulking around in the life of a single, very real individual. Whether or not the piece chronicles your own experiences isn't explicitly spoken, but it's safe to say that the emotions themselves are very very real and very from-the-heart. They're definitely something you've felt before. They're definitely something signed by your heart. Your heart's quite the writer.

Stylistically, I have one suggestion. There were a couple instances where you ended a sentence very early in a line and then started the next sentence on the same line. Here's an example:
the earth is beginning to saturate
with red. i grasp tightly

[Erin Doherty]

Wow, I love the images that are created by these words! Very clear cut.

"the earth begins to saturate
with red. i grasp tightly
to my sanity
and release
a scream."

Just awesome!
Great job, as always!
-Erin

[MAC]

oh God Kara...........sure make this big baby cry at the end. this is so sad sweetie............well done, you certainly got the point across and my heart failed in its effort to avoid feeling your pain. hopefully this is just a poem from the past and right now you do not think this way if so well as ya know new habits can be taught all the time :) plus I know CPR, I won't let those pieces die ((hugs))