i may not make it through the night

i am pierced deep
within my passions.

i gasp;
and proceed to bleed
all over the ground.

the earth begins to saturate
with red. i grasp tightly
to my sanity
and release
a scream.

i move carefully, so as not to rip open
old wounds. no, this new
mutilation
is enough.

it is more than breath can handle;
i stop tasting the air
and for a moment,
i fall.

deep into the despair
i have only known
for moments
(at a time)

one never forgets
such pain.

i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die.

Reviews

[David P. Eckert]

You portray the perfect imagery for the idiom "cut me to the quick." The bleeding, the spilling out. The trick to limit damage is not to connect the new wound with older ones, preserving one's sanity and ego. I think your imagery is solid. I think it might be worth looking at the verb tenses in one spot. For example "the earth begins to saturate" might work better than "the earth is beginning to saturate." It's more immediate, and most of your poem uses that more immediate tense form. You portray, as is your usual, both strong emotion and clear, vivid imagery. Very enjoyable.

David

[robin]

Delicious "sheeshness" is this:

i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die.

Fabulous! Much Love,
Robin

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is really dark and so painful! Beautifully sad piece of writing (and it even made me sad after the read) :'(


Thank for participating in "The pain of my lonely nights" contest :)

[Jason]

I promised that i was going to check out your older writings...they bring me to a place of sadness :(
but you make me happy ;)

love

j

[Flow]

Truly visual write on pain and the heart. I loved it, as it was moving! I do think it is sad that one may not notice as part of them dies. No one should have to go through that much pain!! Excellent poem!!

[Autumn's Child]

Very E. E. Cummings with the use of lower case instead of capitalization. I love it!

[Hedra Helix]

Damn woman, you make certain phrases that are like sunlight in power real and fleeting and made of something not of this world.

Mind if I go line by line?


i am pierced deep
within my passions.

i gasp;
and proceed to bleed
all over the ground.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Good Lord Kara, you bring me into this dark world of loneliness and betrayal with such intense and powerful words...

i move carefully, so as not to rip open
old wounds. no, this new
mutilation
is enough.

this verse in particular is remarkable... I know it's how I can feel when I am hurting from failed love that it makes me think about other past failures bringing me even further down...

what else can I say... another great masterpiece from you.

[An owl on the moon]

Such a dark place to take us through, and so vividly done. The physical pain emanating from the psychological turmoil grips the reader and tears a hole in mere sentiment or sorrow. Here is that darkness from where some never return. Powerful write!

[Gillzy]

*hug*

I felt the sadness in this vividly, so so vividly. I love your work. You write so passionately x

[Kristen R. Heyl]

I can feel the pain you describe so vividly. This is just the right length to get your point across and you don't waste words...nicely done.

"for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die. " is definately a habit that needs breaking as hard as it might be. Sometimes living is the way to "punish" oneself.