rude awakening

I was thinking perhaps this has something to do

with liquored responses

to surreptitious backwards glances

[break on through to the other side]

the Doors open and slam shut.

 

I'm awake now.

 

I've never tripped

but I've fallen before

and perhaps that could explain

these voices in my head.

I wish I could just lie in bed

and count the chord transitions

while the neon numbers on the clock

-fade to black-

if the sun shines in at a certain

                        if you angle your eyes

you can watch the dog

wasting away upon the single sun patch

on the floor

 

and you know that

if you had enough ambition

you'd be doing

much the same thing.

 

but as it stands

 

you're lying down

 

thinking perhaps you have something better to do.

 

Reviews

[EVERYTHINGyoucantelltoS..]

I've never tripped
but I've fallen before
and perhaps that could explain
these voices in my head.

i like how references of falling, and floors come up here. as if someones dragging themselves up, under duress. i liked the trend of thought here, too, as if there was somthing i could be doing better at the time. it almost makes me want to do something a bit more productive with my spare time, almost...

the irony of having enough ambition to waste away on a patch of sunlight...i like that particular image, although my cat takes up that valuable property before anyone else can request access, and its another thinking question...

I was thinking perhaps this has something to do with
liquored responses to
surreptitious backwards glances
[break on through to the other side]
the Doors open and slam shut

liquor makes strange decisions for us, and the glances bring back ahh, so many memories...the door thats getting slammed shut and open seems to be both an actual door and a state of mind...definately a cool effect you have...on me, and in your poems

[Ed Rector]

"I've never tripped
but I've fallen before
and perhaps that could explain
these voices in my head."

loved this part... i find it rather new and refreashing... great job.

[Crap!]

A melancholy poem.Slow and deliberate as a New Orleans summer night when the blues drift lazily through your window. There is always time for contemplation, what we need is a little more time for our hearts and minds to adjust to the ebb and flow in our souls,or maybe like John Lennon said, love is all you need.

[Being.john.sweet~The Ev..]

after my own heart...jim morrison and his prose...endearing write...thank you~john

[Girl, Interrupted]

a little dark? and confusing (and that's only because i don't know the reasons behind writing it). i feel like it would make way more sense to me if i understood where it's coming from, so that part remanins a mystery. but i liked it nonetheless.

[Sarah Williams]

Aaahhhh yes, I have felt this way before...after a night of "adult beverage" enjoyment. lol Great write, my friend!

if you angle your eyes
you can watch the dog wasting away
upon the single sun patch
on the floor
and you know that if you had enough ambition
you'd be doing
much the same thing.

--beautiful lines!

[Robert Luna]

Sounds like a lovely Sunday after a Wonderful Saturday Night returning from the Alcohol Bliss to the world that now waits to bring you a pounding to your head and leave you presents of cotton in you mouth. Loved the poem.

[James Conrad]

I like this. I enjoy the palpable content within this piece for somebody who is just a completely slothful layabout. I particularly love lines 11 through 15. Admonition at its best.

[Randall Richard]

this is diferant for you , i like it. broadening your palette.

[Otto L.n. Pipgras]

there are many delicious and intriguing things happening in this poem. first off, it's got me planning a search thru stacks of cd's to find the song and a rereadI found these lines to be quite crafty :"if the sun shines in at a certain... if you angle your eyes" -- this was very cleverly pulled off...it's almost as if you caught yourself before you picked up and defined the wrong vibe and said " no wait....this...this is what I mean" to yourself and thru the words.looking for my Greatest Hits...it's around here somewhere...