rude awakening

I was thinking perhaps this has something to do

with liquored responses

to surreptitious backwards glances

[break on through to the other side]

the Doors open and slam shut.

 

I'm awake now.

 

I've never tripped

but I've fallen before

and perhaps that could explain

these voices in my head.

I wish I could just lie in bed

and count the chord transitions

while the neon numbers on the clock

-fade to black-

if the sun shines in at a certain

                        if you angle your eyes

you can watch the dog

wasting away upon the single sun patch

on the floor

 

and you know that

if you had enough ambition

you'd be doing

much the same thing.

 

but as it stands

 

you're lying down

 

thinking perhaps you have something better to do.

 

Reviews

[EVERYTHINGyoucantelltoS..]

I've never tripped
but I've fallen before
and perhaps that could explain
these voices in my head.

i like how references of falling, and floors come up here. as if someones dragging themselves up, under duress. i liked the trend of thought here, too, as if there was somthing i could be doing better at the time. it almost makes me want to do something a bit more productive with my spare time, almost...

the irony of having enough ambition to waste away on a patch of sunlight...i like that particular image, although my cat takes up that valuable property before anyone else can request access, and its another thinking question...

I was thinking perhaps this has something to do with
liquored responses to
surreptitious backwards glances
[break on through to the other side]
the Doors open and slam shut

liquor makes strange decisions for us, and the glances bring back ahh, so many memories...the door thats getting slammed shut and open seems to be both an actual door and a state of mind...definately a cool effect you have...on me, and in your poems

[~crazy Beautiful~]

the doors reference was outstanding
I loved this

[Crystal]

I agree with J... the lines are certainly make you stop and take note of what the situation is...

liquored responses to
surreptitious backwards glances

The way you played on the Doors reference was superb! And who among us hasn't been there? Bravo! Greatly enjoyed!

[JlB]

Yeah you got it, congrats. It seemed like a cold stale enviroment.

liquored responses to surrepticious backward glances

good work

jlb

[Steven Silvey]

but as it stands

you're lying down

thinking perhaps you have something better to do.

Great ending to a great poem. I sometimes wish that I was a dog, and my life was as simple as lying in a sunspot next to the Doors. But then, I think about the rate of animal cruelty, and the thought of being an animal becomes far too risky.

Congrats on winning the contest with this.

[Krista Laraine]

liked this one A LOT....loved the "Doors" reference, and I like how you switched: "if the sun shines in at a certain...if you angle your eyes..." with the next verse. well DONE , Kara!!!!

Krista

[Stephen Schmidt]

Really nice write you as well as the other contestants stand a pretty good chance with the contest...

[Arlolee]

LET ME GUESS YOUR SPEAKING FROM EXPERIANCE..........TALK BOUT "HANGOVER" HUH.......I wish I could just lay in bed and count the chord transitions while the neon numbers on the clock fade to black, if the sun shines in at a certain... AND THEN THOSE FAMOUSE WORDS COME OUT............"I AM NEVER GONNA DRINK AGAIN"...LOL.......GOOD POEM THOUGH............PROPS YOUR WAY!!!?-ARLO-

[Dave Mansfield]

I've fallen

in to this state
of mind
before

and I only know it all too well. Kudos!

[Luke Brooks]

but as it stands

you're lying down

thinking perhaps you have something better to do.

What a great ending.

I've never tripped
but I've fallen before
and perhaps that could explain
these voices in my head

Very clever.
I really liked this.
Great job.

Loved the Doors reference/lyrics.