inside my heart [a little girl cries]

i hear her cry (sometimes)
in the middle of the
numinous night.

i listen to the scared
plaintive tones
of her voice,
crawl deeper into the darkness
and pretend
not to hear.

yet my throat is lined
with the taste
of her fear.

she pleads with me
to hold her tight
(to my heart).

i start to understand this pressing need
to be touched...
(oh what i would give to be held).

so i cover myself in blankets
and try to breathe.

her voice is a clear stream
of sunshine
laced with enough shadows
to leave me blind.

i touch my hand to my heart beat
and leave her [it all]
behind.

she was alone for so long
what would my attention do now?
but leave her feeling bitter,
and more
than a little
betrayed.

if i had only known
(those many years ago)
the way her little fingers
had hugged each other
and prayed.

i try to breathe.
but
my heart is filled with all the tears she has cried.

so i cover my ears
and shut my eyes
and hum
a sweet,
sad lullaby.
 

Reviews

[Ralphy]

Oh Kara, do I love the way you speak with such emotions whether past or present your words lift me to a new world of knowledge, as you project that award winning heartwarming film of your imagination�thank you for sharing it.

[~crazy Beautiful~]

I have reviewed this piece before, it brings me back to my youth, that fear of the unknown, the monsters in the closet
thank you for entering this piece in my contest
you are quite the writer
:)

[Crap!]

This is so sad and tender as to be heartbreaking." the way her little fingers had hugged each other and prayed" Beautiful.

[Drew Scot]

I'm sure you had a particular child in mind when this was written, but it's such a fitting tribute to all lost or abused children.
I have seen and been this child; and I felt the feeling as I read the words.
Love the poem. Love the heart...
TruPeace
d.s.

[Dead Angel]

wow!! this was a beautiful poem, crazy beautiful is right, you do have a way with words. the entire poem kept me sad from beginning to end. nice job on this one! :)

[~crazy Beautiful~]

kara you have such a way with words, so sad, and beautiful at the same time
"i touch my hand to my heart beat
and leave her [it all]
behind. "
my favorite lines, so deep

[Kristen R. Heyl]

"her voice is a clear stream
of sunshine
laced with enough shadows
to leave me blind. " I love this stanza especially how it really brings out how conflicted this girl is on how to take care of the "little girl's" needs inside her while trying to move on with her life.
Bravo on a great poem

[Matthew Marquis]

I love the tangibility of this poem. Too often I'm left scratching my head and saying duh. This was beautiful, readable and lovely.
Matthew

[Francis Myerick]

"if i had only known
(those many years ago)
the way her little fingers
had hugged each other
and prayed."

This part makes me want to cry. I have a poem kind of like this one, but so different. Mine's so much darker than this and not nearly as heartbreaking. I know EXACTLY what this feels like.

I also love the "I touch my hand to my heart beat" (but is heartbeat meant to be two words here?)


If you want some constructive criticism--

I don't like the "so" at the beginning of two lines. I feel I'm being pulled along, and they don't seem necessary or precise. The first one is worse than the second. I don't like the break between "hum" and "a sweet" I feel like this one also interrupts the rhythm, but not in the way that the other previous breaks do (like the but which is the only word in the line). They, I feel, slow it down nicely, the change of pace, but this one doesn't do it the same way. It's slow and sad already, but that break makes it almost staccato when I'm feeling legato. To put it in musical terms.

"and leave her [it all]" this line, I don't know if why the [it all] is in brackets. Maybe you're THINKING about it? or maybe it's actually part of the poem, and if that's the case, the brackets are abnormal. The "it all" is also a cliche. I would take out the it all and make it just her. and also pull the "behind" onto the same line as the "her."

I would also take the parenthesis off of the "those many years ago" I think the parenthesis work well in the other instances, but not here. I'm not sure how to explain why, but if you want, I could think about it more.

[Frances Lennon]

this reminds me of the terrible fear I felt when left alone at night as a chilld. So very sad.
Frances.