layers

you peel away
the layers
of pain
in my heart.

slowly
with the delicacy
of flower-petal
prayers.

i am shocked into
submission
by the fact that
someone cares.

the stamen of
my starry-eyes
cradles the scent
of something new.

i scurried swift into
the earth
but blossom slowly
just for you.

i unfold
to the sunshine
and offer
nectar sweet

how can I wither
when I'm folded deep
within
your heat.

i sleep now
with the soft, sweet
delirium of
dreams.

to the promise
of my petals
and silky earthen
streams.

the fading fragrance
of my soul
has begun to shiver
and expand.

suddenly I feel
capable
of the strength
which life demands.

yes…

you peel away
these layers
in my heart.
 

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Where do I begin again... damn Kara once again your words leave me trying ti find the right ones worthy of praise for you work... this speaks so gently of how love can heal those emotional scars of the past like neosporen... I've read many thing on the subject and written them myself but the way you phrase it is divine...

i scurried swift into
the earth
but blossom slowly
just for you.

like this stanza what a way to say you are coming out of your protected state to take a chance on something you know is real. I could go on and on... the beauty in your words are like that of a red rose blooming.

[Bluehealer]

A sentimental, sensual, exolanation of a beginning love... you are obviously new to the world - Most flowers have lost their beautiful petals, and hope for something better by now - never lose them...

Nature mimics the best, and worst, in us all -

Don't forget that - and be careful; for you are nascent and naive :)

Good night,
B

[T. Thorn]

I'm a sucker for rhyme, and I'd love to see 'layers' in the first stanza rhyme with 'prayers' and 'cares' in the second and third... though I realize it would be difficult to express the idea in the first (and, perhaps, last?) stanza by ending with 'layers.'

The imagery is lovely and abundant-- though even for its abundance, it doesn't slap me in the face.

Touching. Very nice.

[Anhedonia 1349]

The metaphor here is phenomenal and I think it carries with it a HUGE weight; it's not very often that we as humans - the most "highly-evolved" creatures alive - are able to almost "static cast" (to use a CS term) ourselves into a less evolved sort of life. To me that carries with it a tremendous degree of artistry and makes the entire being of this piece alive and florid.

I like the absence of capitals in this - I almost like it more because you opted to include punctuation. For some reason the inclusion of one without the other seems very majestic and shows that you're completely in control of the ideas you chose to present; it's not like you're rambling on and saying things for the sake of speaking but rather, like you're freely dipping into the well of words and ideas and metaphors and genius and are dipping out what you think we deserve in very carefully measured instances. That's superb.

The one complaint I have (and I'm sure you knew there'd be one because I'm a moron and what not) is that the metre of the stanzas varies so. Excluding the first and last stanzas, which I personally see as a prologue and epilogue respectively, there are a couple of instances in which I kinda had to reform the way I was reading; of course, it's completely my fault because I've become almost spoiled on iambic rhyming but with certain stanzas (the fifth and seventh specifically), the reader has to do a voice shift which sort of throws off the flow.

The Fifth Stanza
i scurried into
the earth
but blossomed slow
for you

This could be changed by changing the word choice. Here's an example:
i scurried deep into
the earth
but blossomed slowly
just for you.

Likewise with the seventh stazna:

how can I wither
when enfolded
within
your heat.

Try this:
how can I wither
when I'm folded deep
within
your heat.

Neither method changes the ideas but I think the flow is a little more solid afterward. But keep in mind that those are very petty and that the merit of the piece stands alone despite any complaints I may make.

Great work. Seriously good job.

[Pierce Franklin]

Christ, that was quick. This is much better (not that it wasn't good before mind), but the continuation of the flower metaphor gives it much more depth. I particularly like this verse:

"the stamen of
my starry-eyes
cradles the scent
of something new."

That has something magical about it. Great work!

[Leah Simone]

This was tender and loving - I thought you did well. My favorite part was :
"slowly
with the delicacy
of flower-petal
prayers."

Flower- petal prayers - wow! that is so good - wish I had thought of it :-) - Leah

[Pierce Franklin]

"slowly
with the delicacy
of flower-petal
prayers."

I really like that verse. I think you could do more with the flower analogy perhaps, but other than that this is good, especially as it was written in the wake of a coffee spillage ;)