A Vicious Light

for the Vicious Circle "Vicious Light" Contest

She had always known it would come to this: a deserted road, knees in the dirt, sobbing her heart out. Sure, she had been unaware whether the road would be paved or not, but the isolation and despair had always been made clear.

 

With desperate, measured breaths, Serena focused her eyes on the ground beneath her, her fingers clawing the earth with an almost animal-like need. She needed something real beneath her fingertips, she needed to feel grounded, because the world had suddenly shifted and she didn’t know anymore how to breathe.

 

Before she could collapse fully, a harsh bright light shot through the night, from deep within the woods. Serena scrambled to her feet, holding a hand above her eyes, straining to see past the vicious glare.

 

“Serena, stop.” The voice was insistent, almost pleading. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

 

Serena backed quickly away, tripping over potholes, eventually grasping onto a tree at the side of the road. “I don’t want you here!” she shouted into the light, grasping the bark on the tree, feeling it on her skin, memorizing its texture.

 

“Serena, you need to come back home. You’re not being safe out here.” 

 

Serena looked away from the bright light, sensing her head start to pound, and leaned her forehead against the rough, grainy comfort of the maple. “Go away,” she whispered into the bark.

 

“Never.”

 

His voice was deep and strong, like a rushing river, and much like the day she had met him. He had been hiking the trails along Amicalola Falls; she had been photographing the water. She had backed directly into him while capturing a shot; the picture had blurred, but her future had been made suddenly clear.

 

She knew it would come to a deserted road and tears.

 

And here she was, a year later, with his hand reaching towards her, and the most she could do was grasp onto bark and pray for rain to fall and wash her away.

 

“Serena, I don’t think you understood what I was saying back there. I was asking you to spend your life with me.”

 

She closed her eyes against the night, against the pounding in her head, against the damn light that kept shining on her. “Will you shut that thing off?” she shouted, clawing the tree.

 

Suddenly there was darkness, and Serena breathed a sigh of relief, only to be followed by a quick intake of breath as she felt Connor’s hands on her back, comforting her. She flinched against the contact and moved closer into the tree.

 

“On a good day,” said Connor, “I’m lucky to figure you out half the time. And this is decidedly not a good day. Serena, I’m sorry if I said it wrong. I love you. I want to marry you. I want to climb mountains and take pictures with you for the rest of our lives.”

 

Serena felt a sob well up in her; it bubbled out and she clutched a hand to her chest to ease the pain. How could something so beautiful hurt so god damned much?

 

“Conner, you need to leave me alone. You need to go.”

 

“Why?” His hand tightened on her back, and then dropped to her side.

 

“Because I need to die here tonight, and I don’t need your bright light to guide me back home, Conner. I don’t need you, Conner. I don’t need you to help me die.”

 

“Serena, you sound crazy. You’re not going to die here tonight.”

 

“But that’s what you want to do, right, Conner? Help me to die? You want to marry me, only to see me fade away. You want to love me? When I’m puking and sick and unable to recognize you? I won’t even care if you’re there.”

 

“Serena, that’s terribly morbid.”

 

She grasped his hand then, desperately, pulling him tight to her. Her whisper was warm treebark in his ear.

 

"I didn't mean to love you so much."

 

 

 

*                       *                      *

Conner always knew it would come to this: hospital blankets clutched within his hand, his sobs muffled by the edge of the bed.

 

They had married that coming spring, with the maples in full bloom; Serena with orange pansies in her hair, and a green dress the color of moss. For a while the world was healthy, and they had made love beside rivers and wrapped themselves in blankets of leaves.

 

“You look terrible.”

 

Conner started awake, then quickly grasped Serena's hand within his own. “You’re awake.” He spoke the words fervently, vainly allowing hope to filter through his lips.

 

“Hmm…” Serena smiled softly, her head easing deeper into the pillow, eyes closing. Her fingertips brushed his palm, like a little bird flitting about. “Tell me about that night,” she murmured.

 

Conner didn’t want to speak, he wanted to hold her, but the words came out of their own volition. “I dragged you back home, through the darkness.”

 

“Why so dark?” she prompted him softly.

 

“Because you wouldn’t let me turn back on the damned flashlight.”

 

Serena shook her head, a barely perceptible movement. “Conner. Tsk, tsk.” Her voice was softer now, more strained, and Conner quickly apologized for swearing.

 

“And then I tucked you into bed, and you fell asleep.”

 

Serena moved slightly; he knew she was agitated with him. He was agitated with himself, but the story brought back beauty he could not yet bear to consider. “After?” she prompted him.

 

Conner sighed. “After I held your hand to my heart, and promised you. I promised you that my heart would beat for the two of us. That you would never be without a heartbeat; I would be your heartbeat.”

 

Serena smiled, her eyes still closed, and Conner felt his chest tighten, then release.

 

Serena could barely speak now, but her words were soft and clear, coming to him like a gentle breeze. “And what do you have to say for yourself?”

 

Conner took her hands within his own, and waited patiently for her eyes to flutter open and meet his.

 

“You were worth the lie.”

 

Her smile faded, yet lingered softly, as sunshine does when it melts into the hills at dusk.

 

Yes, they always knew... it would come to this.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

wow, emotionally charged, why do i belive youve hugged a tree before while crying? that read super real to someone else whos hugged a tree before while crying. Nice Kara;) dug it.

one thang:
David sighed. "After I held your hand to my he
David a mistake? intentional? subconscious? or is some significance going over my head too?

[Alphachad]

Awww. Chic flicks. Giving you a hundred for sweetness

[not yet but soon]

Beautiful. Direct, while not revealing all. Circular like a poem. A lovely story.

[T.J. Timmins]

Very expressive. The imagery is vivid without spelling it out for the writer. The words are not over elaborate, or simplified, finding a perfect middle ground. Especially nature, this story brings the senses to the water she was photographing, the tree she was holding, it gives a very natural feel to the entire work.

Your ending was great in that you let the reader discover on their own instead of being explicit, you let them experience the sorrow Conner must have felt instead of writing how we should feel, which is always a plus. Bravo.

[Save the Trees, Save th..]

wow this is beautiful....i loved the flow and everything worked so well together

[robin]

Ah yes you've done it. I've been wanting to write something achingly beautiful, and here you've done just that. It doesn't come across like a chick flick , it's entirely captivating and warm. Great twists and turns. Fabulous write!

[Jason]

I love how you descriptions are vivid enought, yet, you leave enough for the reader to conclude for themselves. Great job Kara!
J

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Wow Kara what a tragic tale but with a sweet spin of how love is so unconditional and that sacrifice is never to great for the one you love... your story is so captivating... just another brilliant piece of writing for you.

[Angel's Lady]

Great story. Very beautifully written. A trace sad but very touching and very visual. Good job!

[The Autumn Faerie]

That's...
So sad....
Did she really die? I guess she did...

*regains composure*
*Ahem* Just one thing. Did you change Connor's name from being David? Because there is one spot (at the beginning of a paragraph) where it says David, and I was confused for a moment. But that is all.

Aside from that. It was a very nice story, although I would have liked a bit more background information, at least as to Serena's condition, but I suppose that is what the imagination is for...

Nicely done! *still sobbing in corner*