all to me

i wanted to share with you my words;

place them in your palm, kiss them on to

your skin,

and leave them there, in your hands, blending into the swirls

of your fingertips.

 

and now -

they are yours, to do with what you will.

i will never take them from you

(no one ever can)

 

i wanted to share with you my secrets, remind you

of your goodness;

i wanted to hold you tight, then set

you free.

 

i wanted you… (for a moment),

all to me.

Reviews

[Raja]

Yes, when we are writing somethig for our near ones, it is like ode to that person with whatever form our work is holding. We never shy of keeping it in any good pacakage. Just the honest giving will serve our purpose.

Here you with your majestic touch of simple words make that happen. I owe to all to you for writing such a nice philosophy.

"they are yours, to do with what you will.

i will never take them from you

(no one ever can)"

Really no one ever can...

Thank You.

Raja.

[AubreyJade]

Your writing is so expresive, so beautiful.

[Richard K]

And only kisses on the skin could be sweeter than the words you share. :) Beautiful writing (as always.)

[MorganLyn]

oh wow. This, my friend, is absolutely wonderful!
-i wanted to share with you my words;
place them in your palm, kiss them on to
your skin-

awesome first lines.. they really drew me in and kicked in my imagination!!
I love the way you express your thoughts!

[A.r. Bazian]

very nicely written!
you know, it is very nicely considered love... sharing your secret with a certain some1... though as i suspect we all know, love is not only to be directed to the certain significant other! but also to a friend, as so to a lover!
i'm not in a position to analyze secret passions, your desires! as so is this person, you wanted (only for a moment) to be all yours! such lovely display of passion!
how passionate must you be to want a certain some1 to be yours not to imprison, but to trust!
how can you let go though?
how can you have such passion and desire (and by desire i do not mean lust) for that person, and let him go?
you must love that person so much you'd let it be happy as he/she may be! and just let them go with your treasure... trusting they'd hold it dear!
because of your desire!
he/she must be a very lucky person... and trust me, if they do not know, they must be stupid... coz such passion can never be concealed!

i love it!
keep it up!

[Pinky]

Nice write!

[Lyttleton]

"feminine Bukowski"? What, is he on crack?

Yeah, nice poem, but what's Robert smoking? And is he gonna share....

[Robert Wilson]

Reminds me of a feminine Bukowski. Great work!

[Anhedonia 1349]

When I consider poetry, I consider two major groups. While there are hundreds - thousands - of ways that one could classify poetry or rank a poet, I believe the division of poetry into either "simple" or "complex" is perhaps the easiest and most straightforward differentiation that one could make. I mean, the difference between a poet like Robert Frost and a poet like William Shakespeare can be summarized as specifically that - the difference between a poet who can convey thought and feeling through simple, relatively two-dimensional imagery and a poet who requires difficult language, advanced techniques and relatively abstract subject matter to get across an idea. But when we think of poets, who comes to mind? I'm thinking T.S. Elliot. Ezra Pound. Emily Dickenson. I'm thinking people who, by and large, infuse an inherent element of difficulty into their pieces. People who seem to direct their writings towards readers who aren't SIMPLE.

In that way, I say that "simple" is a word that doesn't get used enough when describing poetry. I might even take that statement one step farther and say that "simple" has almost inherited some sort of negative schism nowadays so that, if it pops up in a review, the writer is almost offended. But as odd as it sounds, I find that some of the most beautiful combinations of images are those painted using language that isn't superfluous and unnecessary; and to be 100% honest, I think that this poem is completely stunning for precisely that reason. As I read this, I realize that the whole point of the poem is clearly put on display so that I don't have to dissect the piece for meaning; I also don't have to weed through overly-difficult metaphor and unnecessary allusion to find out what you mean because, as you so often do, you just lay it all on the line. And that to me is an important aspect of successful poetry.

The flow of this piece is exceptional. You keep your line lengths relatively concise and regular which makes the piece flow seemlessly off the tongue in almost every area. With one exception, I think....

"...they are yours, to do with what you will.
i will never take them from you
(no one ever can)" --> Perhaps I'm reading this wrong, but to me I see the bit in parenthesis as a continuation of the previous thought. That part's almost enforced, too, by the lack of punctuation after "you" which means (as I read it) that there shouldn't be a logical pause between "from you" and "no one ever can". But at the same time, "no one ever can" seems to be lacking any necessary transition, which makes it seem a bit forced and a little rough-sounding. It seems like the addition of a small transitional word like "and" would suffice just fine although I admit that this is hardly an "issue".

But don't let it sound like I'm discrediting the piece. I believe the imagery you use is superb, particularly that in the first stanza. I find the idea of materialized, tangible words fantastic. And I really enjoy the last two lines of that stanza, especially the way you almost over-emphasize something as petty and unnoticed as the swirls of someone's fingertips. It creates the idea of love in terms of the tiny, insignificant things, which is right on, I believe. I mean, the worst things to have to recollect after a break up (for instance) are those tiny things that you'll never share again with a person. I think your (narrator's) way of highlighting that idea is fantastic.

Of course, I don't wanna forget this stanza:

"i wanted to share with you my secrets, remind you
of your goodness;
i wanted to hold you tight, then set
you free." --> I think this stanza is probably the binding source for the entire work. I can even narrow that down to say that your willingness to "set [him] free" almost drives home the idea of a lover whose only intention was to be loyal and noble and beautiful during (and after) a relationship. And honestly, I think this line is all the more fabulous because of how accurately it captures (what I feel to be) your personality. Your sincerity. Your genuine care and compassion. That shines through A LOT; I mean, it's hard to approach (what I assume to be) a broken relationship and still be passionate and kind. I commend you for that.

Overall, I think this poem is gorgeous. Your words have a diametrically opposed sort of personality going on. On one hand, they seem perfectly crafted and methodically chosen. On the other hand, they seem very natural, nonchalant and unforced. I can't say how long I would expect having to write before I could acquire the narrational comfort and command that you show here, but I can say that it's one of the most amazing things that I personally have seen in an "amateur" write (I use that term loosely). To be honest, the thing I look forward to the most - more than even the opportunity to read your next work or the one after that - is the opportunity to say to someone, "Ya know what? I knew her when she was small-time". That would be an honor.

Thanks for sharing. You're an inspiration as always.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I saw this on your blog site and wandered when you would put it here... you have such a divine way of expressing your emotions...

i wanted to share with you my words;
place them in your palm, kiss them on to
your skin,

this start here is just intoxicating, wanting to share your deepest feelings and thoughts with this person, not afraid to expose yourself so they know the real you...

i wanted to share with you my secrets, remind you
of your goodness

and that part is so beautifully romantic letting that person know that you see all the good in them no matter what others think...

Just another brilliant write from you, and show again why your one of my favorite writers.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Intricately beautiful and stylish composition, which flows like silk from start to finish. Anyone would think I like it .. and they would be right!

Excellent!

God's Blessing
Phillozofee