treebark honey & the hoods of his eyes

 

crazy how a moment

can twist your gut

into itself.

 

he looks at me with the hoods of his eyes raised

(just enough)

to pierce me with his gaze.

 

'lookin' good today, ms.krantz.'

he uses the title like it's something kinky -

something he could slide over my skin

some secret night.

 

his voice reminds me of honey off treebark

and the click-clicking of my boots

go cur-clump.

 

just a slight trip / a stumble

and -i'm cut down to a stump-  

 

i continue down the hall

without a single back-wards glance

for i refuse to see the way his lips

are surely curling.

 

crazy how a moment

can strip you of whatever pieces of adulthood

you've managed to acquire.

 

and you're just a little girl with honey

on the treebark

of her hands.

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[robin]

something he could slide over my skin
some secret night

I love this because it's soooo descriptive of the creepy, possessive, invasive, masking, impersonal aspect of his glance and touch, but the secret night was more than once this tawdry taboo delight. If we're paying attention, how curious it is we find comfort in familiar deviance, and return for more like an all you can eat buffet. Whoo! Is it getting warm in here? Darn sticky honey!

[Brett Campaigne]

you really expand the moment with richness... one really has all their senses saturated while reading this.

[Vlazuvius]

Wow...are all of your poems this good? (I guess I'll have to see for myself)

I just went to my ten year reunion at the beginning of the month, and while I think I did an adequate job of describing the experience in my lengthy blog, I could have summed the whole thing up with just three of your lines:

crazy how a moment

can strip you of whatever pieces of adulthood

you've managed to acquire.

Magnificent. Every word mattered.

[Samith Pich]

great starting lines, great imagery - I'm sure you already know from previous comments what worked for you here.


the line: "something he could slide over my skin

some secret night." is a great line but it's also an indication that you can take a poem about an otherwise ordinary moment and take it somewhere depper and darker.

I would've REALLy liked you to expand the awesome similie of "his voice reminds me of honey off treebark" and take it along the similar journey of how that man uses your title.

GREAT last 3 lines, tho I'm dubious about your repetition of the 3 lines before hand tho I can see why u felt necessary to include them.

Thanks for sharing.

[Steve Thompson]

Nicely written, you are workin them words, and keepin the readers emotions high when you write, you got a fan here!!!!

[Gandré]

How are you dear kara, you develop yourself always higher and higher. Always making me happy....I missed your poetry and I am glad to read it again. hm.... the moments you describe .... I found this:

"If it is not love, then it is madness and then it is pardonable.
Eternity was in that moment."---------------------------------------------------this said in The Old Bachelor (1693)

William Congreve 1670�1729
English dramatist

[Richard K]

S**t. :p Kidding!

I liked that one. You speak the truth.

[Tim McGovern]

This is really good and that last verse is perfect.
I love the imagery and that you used the trip/stumble/click clicking/cur-clump
You've captured a moment we've all had ( yep girls can do this to guys too) and made it instantly recognizable

Nice job

Namaste'
Tim

[THE BLACK SEAL]

i think it has some very nice images and it was written very human in style. It has a bit of the naughty longing but yet also a deplorable view of it at the same time.
The meter is a bit clunky in places but overall it was quite unique and that is a nice thing

[Shemena Campbell]

Oh, man. I clicked on this because I liked the title, and seriously, I feel like I've been spied on. Because of this poem, I'm standing again in a causeway with a beautiful man who waited for me, pretending to tie his shoe. He always looks at me in just. that. way. And he's arrogant about it, too. He worries me, and I'm often inadvertently rude to him...

crazy how a moment
can strip you of whatever pieces of adulthood
you've managed to acquire.

and you're just a little girl with honey
on the treebark
of her hands.

It's that, exactly.

Thanks.

[zig]

"he looks at me with the hoods of his eyes raised

(just enough)

to pierce me with his gaze."


the description is good, the movement is subtle enough to go barely noticed in the poem, and yet it sets up the the rest of the work... which doesnt dissapoint i might add. very consistant with the tone and wording. i take it youve been writing for awhile. polished i guess is the word i would use. really liked this, like your style. zig