sweet solace

I'm weary of living
in this desperate way
hopeless :: hopeless
no reason to stay.

I'm through with explaining
my heartsong to you
I'm tired :: I'm tired
and unsure what to do

I repair the pieces
only to feel them torn apart
it's breaking :: it's breaking
I'm losing my heart.

If I wasn't a Christian
I would offer my breath
sweet solace :: sweet solace
…the respite of death.

I am not being morbid
I only wish to concede, for
I'm tortured :: you torture
the purest pieces of me.

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

God Kara this one cuts me deep, the overpowering sadness really pours out like blood from a puncture wound, fast and undeniable... I know that feeling after a broken heart where life seems like it's not worth it anymore but the way you expressed it is so dramatically astounding I can feel the pain running through my veins.

On a side note if this is from a real experience from someone hurting you and making you feel that way please let me say he is the worlds biggest fool.

[Rachel P. Salamone]

this is excellent! i love it!

[Trisha Clark]

I felt this one Karabelle.

I hope your heart loses a little weight this weekend. ;)

I love the ::

[Anhedonia 1349]

The content here is reminiscent of your other pieces - we both know the ones I'm referencing - and like those, I'm amazed by this. I like that little "::" thing you've got going in the third lines of each stanza - that's very creative, and although it in itself holds no merit (to me personally, anyway), it aided the repition, which I think fit this poem fabulously.

When I read rhyming poetry, however, I read it differently; differently than, say, free verse. Rhymed poetry requires me as a reader to repeat the first stanza until I get into a groove - a groove that's kinda similar to the way you hear music. In a set metre that only changes at certain, calculated times (unless of course you listen to Meshuggah; but I digress). I did that here, and the flow, the rhyme, the rhythm - they were all fabulous. I noticed a couple of lines that seemed off by no more than two syllables, and although they weren't major, they threw off the flow that I'd created at the beginning. Like I told Eric the other day - I make the suggestion, and you'd think I'd take off some kind of rating; but that's a half-point miss if that, and since 4.5 isn't an option, I round it to 5.

A very commendable poem, Miss Krantz, and I hope that you're growing in your independence - by "independence," I mean seperation from the cause of your pain. Your writing surely is growing, and I'd like to think that Kara Emily is doing okay.

Be okay, darlin'.

Peace.

[Leah Simone]

Kara, I felt your heart in this and yourevealed your emotions well. I won't mention the punctuation again. It may simply be a matter of style. The poem itself is straightforward and effective. Nice job. -Leah

[[untitled]]

Interesting style...a bit simplistic, but heartfelt...the last stanza was the best, especially the transition of "I'm tortured:: you torture."