i've been here before

okay fine. i refuse to apologize for this.

join me

in the midst of my redundancy

-me-

and my tender tendency

to cry.

 

i'm tearing at the corners

of my mind.

  

i often forget that i'm a pawn

in your game. 

do you love me? perhaps.

but it's all the same.

 

you'll whisper to me of future years

while telling her to pierce her c**t.

you'll speak of our children, and

the tree in the yard...

 

i can't believe i fell for that s**t.

 

you've sapped me of my strength.

i'm empty, replete.

but you've done this before,

(so not that impressive a feat),

 

i feel like a fool

asking you to 'hit me once more'

for if he beats me he loves me

 

and then i'm more than just his w***e.

 

but all the rationalizations in the world

do not decrease this pressing need

to be free 

to be free.

 

i have nothing left to give you.

 

you've emptied me.

Reviews

[Wulfstan Crumble]

Id be wary of Boylan style reviews. i just got blocked for doing one such a review. lol...dont apologise for it because its a poem that needed to be written. and here's a big HUG if you'll accept one!!!!
The poem has raw passion and vitriol without boiling over or falling into cliche. Its really biting and full of venom. Do you feel better after writing it?

ps. i hope Boylan isnt insinuating im too dumb to understand it...i do know where coventry is.

[Evan The Seven]

"First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me."

Rock on, Sista! Great voice. The blending of strength and utter weakness in the speaker accentuates the conflict going on in her head, making the emotion hit home.

P.S. Feel free to use the above lyrics to bone up for your next local Karaoke night. Peace.

[PureSyn]

Oh this was painful... forces one to face their own pain reflecting back to them in the mirror. Wish I knew why we get caught up in all this hurting, disrespect and abuse...sigh.Have been on that path before.
Powerful write!!!

Nicole

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

There are some very striking images in here. I loved 'tearing at the corners of my mind'. I imagine you'd pick away until you found an edge, like sellotape. It's a suitably uncomfortable and frustrated image.

Up to the c**t piercing line, I was convinced this was a loverlorn and lyrical piece. Essentially sad and sweet. But you sucker the reader in and then throw some poision into the mix, which sends the poem on a fierce new trajectory.

You confound our expectations. Love it.

[Alicia Isabella Lane]

Well now ... I really wasn't expecting this a tune all too painfully familiar. Coming from someone who has travelled this road, you did such an amazing job with the description that it almost hurt to read it, and yet the power of it just continued to draw me in. It's truly a terrible thing for a person to go through but if we can move past it we emerge so much stronger for it. Yet the scars still remain. This was truly and simply amazing expression of the pain and isolation you feel in this situation. I'm very impressed!!!

[Brian K. Walters]

Please tell me where this guy is so I can beat the crap out of him!!!

[Mariah]

omfg. can i just tell you that i feel so much better after reading this outloud. i love how we have the same history almost, the same old bullshit with guys. i love you to death for writing this. !

you will whisper to meabout future years
while you're telling herto pierce her c**t.

you'll speak of our children,
andthe tree in the yard...

i can't believe i fell for that s**t.



this is absolutely amazing. heartbreaking. tears.

but hugs to you.

[jen -- JG]

(((((((((HUGS))))))))) and NEVER apologize because you feel the need to rant over someone like this! Just remember that when the crapola is emptied out, there is room for the magic to grow.

Well written, hard hitting and gives an honest view of how abuse affects us, not only during but long after as well.
((((((((HUGS )))))))

Jen-JG

[Yvonne Heidt]

Wow. Kara - this is so powerful. The anger, hurt and lost dreams jump off the page. There are no apologies needed for being real and standing up to say "no-more"

for if he beats me he loves me and i'm more than just his w***e...

Did it for almost for thirteen years... Sometimes are there are no happy endings - because they ARE a choice BUT being happy and free IS a choice and it's not one an abuser or cheater will allow you to make because they NEVER change - ever.

Powerful and excellent piece.

[David Lewis Paget]

Although no great lover of free form, there is a rhythm and even rhyme scheme here which is impressive, and which adds emphasis to your angst. I love the alliterative quality of

in the midst of my redundancy
-with me-
and my tender tendency
to cry.

This certainly intensifies the underlying theme, as does

you will whisper to me
about future years
while you're telling her
to pierce her c**t.

you'll speak of our children, and
the tree in the yard...

i can't believe i fell for that s**t.

Commendable. It's good to have a rant occasionally.

[Forest Green]

I was duckin' punches in there...;) Stopped by to see who lived here and took one in the chops.

Seriously, though you levelled some effective imagery to describe the anger that is born of broken dreams and promises.

Truly interesting work...

Daniel