Windswept

inspired by this picture of my friend, Jess

she feels alive
[today]

perhaps it's in the way
he smiles against her neck
and she deliriously / deliciously
breathes in his scent.

these moments are merely lent to us...
a voice inside her whispers
as she slips off her slippers
and falls into the sea.

but [today] she feels alive
and all such a feeling implies.
it tickles inside her fingers
and lingers
at the tip of her tongue.

she's happy today
[happy to be young]

she's alive like the wind,
amd the way it kisses her skin.

she's alive with the memory
of these moments
with him.

Reviews

[Doug Case]

Kara, you are sensational (as always)!

I really like how you throw "[today]" in at a few points in the piece, it makes the reader feel that this is a special occurance that doesn't just happen all the time. This scene happened (and is special) today, so don't ruin it (you know?). It's a nice touch, it really is.

I also like how you refer to the moments "being lent to us" and how she's "alive with the memory of these moments with him." You can almost tell that (without reading the description) this was written about a photograph, which captured a singled moment in time - a memory, if you will.

And I might as well point out that your use of alliterance and assonance (sp?) are spot-on as always. Amazing!

Five Stars & Favorited

[Krista Laraine]

This is one I somehow missed.....glad I stumbled upon it, just beautiful. everything about it. perfect.

krista

[MAC]

Well I really don't like to agree with Kerri one bit (because she has more talent than I do and I am completely upset with her for that) but yeah she nailed it. That is a beautiful line, like a centerpiece of a holiday table, you know it is going to be beautiful because it is a special day (as you are a special poet) but that centerpiece still makes everybody go "WOW". You always find a way to make me go wow...............you are just such a lovely person and poet and well you have my admiration completely.

[Kerri Gates]

"These memories are merely lent to us"

that line is so beautiful,

I love the poem, but i love that one line even more. You're so talented

[Pierce Franklin]

I thought I'd already reviewed this one but that appears not to be the case. This is another wonderfully evocative poem, and I love the use of wind in this and the many things it does and can imply. While you capture that carried-away feeling of happiness, your use of wind also intones a sense of sadness and loss, particularly in the way you use "[today]", which suggests that this feeling will soon pass tomorrow, blown away on the breeze. The ambiguity of this is well presented in the title - as you say, "these moments are merely lent to us..." Superb.

[Aka; Donnie (ramone) Ka..]

Ohh, I like the use of [brackets] here. This work is so sweet! I may need insulin. You bring such beauty into your work! Such heated romance, this poem is hot.

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

This is sweet, emotive and melancholy all at once. Like a beautifully worded lament. Nice work!

[1]

"these moments are merely lent to us..."
A fantastic line that tied it all together for me.

[G.f. Snell Iii]

Pretty. Innocent and alive, yet with a dash of melancholy. I think that comes from the fact that you place "today" in brackets -- which signals to me that your friend may no longer be happy or that the boy she loved has moved on to another relationship. You might want to consider amping up that feeling -- or not.

I don't like the "happy to be young" line -- it falls short of the quality of the rest of the poem. But this poems flows nicely and I like the ending quite a lot.

[Katherine Martin]

mmm.
these moments are merely lent to us...

we borrow the past and future at rates even we cant keep up with and yet we smell! we smell! and get to know this world and eachother so well.
your poem flowed like wind and what you put in [brackets] i felt where the leaves that get swept up sometime...as we get swept up in kisses and other pleasures in one single day.
very nice.
and Kara thanks for reviewing my poem! was a bit skeptical to put that one up but sometimes you just got to do it! i appreciate your words.
:) katie