He Will Hold Me

God has His reasons.

If I can live through this pain, I can live through anything.

My parents helped me realize many things tonight. They yelled at me, but I learned much from them. Hopefully I learned how to own myself.

I don't need to be validated by those around me. I KNOW WHO I AM.

GOD KNOWS WHO I AM. He created me, he molded me... he loves me unconditionally, beyond any earthly love I could ever know.

I didn't do all the right things. I fell into the trap - the trap that words can lead you. I don't regret anything. Nothing I said was untrue, perhaps inappropriate, but not untrue. And that's probably what hurts people the most.

Jessica showed her true colors today. She filled my heart with joy. I will always have her. She shook my shoulders (we were on the phone, but had we been in person she undoubtedly would have shook my shoulders) and said "You really are that wonderful. And this drives people away from you because they can never be as good as you. Yeah, you can say things that piss us off, but it's only because we know you are right... you say the things we already know but can't admit to ourselves. But that doesn't make you a b***h - that makes you a loving friend. All you want is the best out of those around you."

And I will keep the Sabbath holy. It's about time I started doing all that crazy stuff. Honoring Him who has given me so many gifts.

For five years I had the gift of a beautiful pseudo-adopted family. They gave me much love, and I gave much in return. Yet now I hear that they wish to throw that all away and tarnish the memory of what we had. Yet I suppose I must allow them that perogative. I spelt that wrong but it's too late to care.

I haven't stopped crying for five days. I think it's about time I washed the tears away and allowed the healing to start.

Everything became convoluted, but I suppose that's God's way of allowing me no way out of this mess. He is forcing me to move on with my life. Pack up the pieces of my heart (yet again) and move on.

I know that I gave the purest pieces of myself to them, just as I have always done for those whom I love.

I only pray I maintain my heartsong. That I maintain my ability to love.

It hurts. More than words could say.

I feel as though I could die from the pain.

God will hold me, as He always has... even when I was unaware He was there... He has always held me.

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This is once again so wonderful and deep... it's so true that you first off have to believe in yourself spiritually to know who your are and that in the end is what matters... you also showed that faith in something you can't see but feel is essential for balance in our lives... then you also so eloquently touch on how no matter how good we are yes we make mistakes, we are human cause that's what God made us and expects us to make mistakes, it's what we learn from them that matters... very deep and insightful along with inspirational.

[C. Brittian Gaspard]

you are so right. he is always there. he is even there when mabey we dont want him to be.

it's nice to see some positive words about God.

i sometimes tell my friends that doubt God, "you may not believe in God, but God believes in you".

honor him and he will fill you with joy and give your life meaning.

[Aaron]

Although, the over tone of this piece was melancholic and a bit sad... I found it to be very encouraging! Throughout this whole piece of art you are keeping faith, trusting, and believing in God! You could have wrote a sad story here, but I believe you wrote something far greater! This is encouraganing and hope inspiring! Thanks for a great read.

[Troy Baham Jr.]

this is good. but very sad. it's cool that ur comfortable enough to let complete strangers read about your life and comment on it when it's none of their business. i admire that. it'll all get better in time. i can tell u have the inner stregnth (spelling) to get up and move on

[Eric Lowther]

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh - darn it, people like me..." :o)

I enjoyed the piece very much. Thanks for posting it.

[Siobhan MacIntyre]

I love it. The vision of hope through excruciating pain, and knowing that the Father will soothe you and hold you and will never leave you is a testament to your faith.

[Nihad Dweidary]

That's is so heartfelt and true to your belief. I love how you vent off and express your love for things around you, God being at the center of all of this.

Thank you for sharing. I am always happy to read your words.

Love,

Nihad