wash me

wash me of impurity
[of this sadness
deep inside of me].

touch my hands
with the delicacy of doves
then light upon my fingertips
with the grace of shadowed love.

the whisper of your wind
-so gentle on my mind-
wraps around my memory
and throws me in
to clarity.

I wash myself of you
with the softness of time.
I feel it filter through my hands
and fall to the earth
(absorb into the ground).

I never knew such pain
until you
came around.

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A well versed expression of pain and your determination to be released from it.

I wash myself of you
with the softness of time.
I feel it filter through my hands
and fall to the earth
(absorb into the ground).

I really love this part as you take that pain and bury it in the dirt where the soul of someone so cruel should be anyways cause they don't deserve to share the same air with a precious flower like you.

[Brian Joseph Hernandez ..]

Been there. You make it seem as if words are not the only way to describe something to another, if that makes sense? Berry good..

[Shane Rendon]

I see what you mean about pretty words. They are very well chosen. This is beautifull.
-Shane

[LadyLincoln]

Wow! this was a great read. I really liked the depth of what you were trying to say...

I liked this part best:

"I wash myself of you
with the softness of time..."

Great piece!

[Amanda]

I wash myself of you
with the softness of time.
I feel it filter through my hands
and fall to the earth
(absorb into this ground).


This has a glimmer of hope that things will get better through time. I like that.

[Trisha Clark]

Beautiful Kara.

This line was perfect:

touch my hands
with the delicacy of doves

I always get excited when you write something new.

[Torre]

I never knew such pain
until you...
you came around.

Pretty powerful.

[Kurt]

love it! like the water will cleanse the past... or at least the memory...... great writing kara...

[Mark]

"touch my hands
with the delicacy of doves
then light upon my fingertips
with the shadowed grace of love."

I really like these lines. Excellent poem, Karabella.

I wash myself of you
with the softness of time.


pretty damn cool!!!

[(man)~~~~~~lol~~~~~~(dr..]

"With the delicacy of doves" is such an excellent description. When you think of doves, you think of all those happy moments in your life. And, funny enough, it's an actual soap brand too I think.
Not to make fun of you or anything, this is just what happened, but on the third line where you mention fingers, I can't but to think of ET when he touches Eliot's finger...

Third stanza:
You should add an extra verse/stanza describing what "clarity" resembles; like a clear brook, green mountain etcetera � that way the reader can start setting up a scene in their head. I find this works best when trying to convey messages: give definitions or references for all things that have no physical or visual bounds.

"Softness of time" reminds me of grains of sand falling from an hour glass. This, and the fact that time moves so slow it tends to drag on, especially when you're looking forward to something special.

I have a visual suggestion for you:
at the word "absorb," what if you somehow animated it to look like it was absorbing somehow? I was thinking:

a | b | s | o | r | b

or if some other letter or symbol works, but it's suppose to look like the letters are either falling between or into something.

Hah, the last stanza is kind of cheeky. Since you, at the start, mentioned this 'impurity,' and ultimately have it being this 'you' character (third person, antagonist), you should somehow include some sort of "muddy" or "dirty" description of water. And you could have it heat up...scolding hot water...then the ending may have a stronger edge to it � as it stands now, it just seems like a general problem brushed up against you. You got dirty, you want clean, but you haven't said just how this has all occurred.