spanish poetry

if i read you
pablo neruda
with faux spanish lilts
will you smile at me
deliciously

listen to the inflections
in my voice
until we fall asleep
in a blanket
of momentos silenciosos.

if i read you
spanish poetry
will you
adóreme.

remind me of kindness
with your warm
liquid eyes.
i barely comprehend
all the parts of you
i recognize.

if i sing you
pablo neruda
to the sounds of
your guitar
are we sharing music
or poetry
or perhaps
it is
eternity.

mira...
how your silent moments
awaken such sweet
sounds
in me.
 

Reviews

[Nihad Dweidary]

This evoca can easily melt the most intractable brick. This is surely worthy of another visit, Karabelle.

I am so delighted to have featured your work this week. I have no doubt that a plethora of authors are able to walk away with a wonderful sense of satisfaction when reading your poems. They are the brightest flowers in the garden, begging to be felt, smelt, and tenderly caressed. I love these lines:

i barely comprehend
all the parts of you
i recognize.

Love, -Nihad

[Doug]

I enjoyed this poem. The evoca was great too. I read the poem first before I listened to the evoca. I was wondering the entire time how you'd say it and found that it sounded better when you said it than when I said it in my head. The poem is strong though. I don't really see places that need more work. Good job.

[Kari [io]]

11 favorites? girl, you f'n rock!

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

My my, it seems I have found gold in a sand filled river. Such a passion filled poem I have seldom read. While many love poems speak of generalities, this one brings us to specific moments, moments of reading, staring, song. This makes it much more powerful, than if you spoke in generality.

are we sharing music
or poetry
or perhaps
it is
eternity.

The rhymes you do include are top notch, for example "poetry/eternity" cited here is my favorite rhyme you used.

The image of liquid eyes, and the thought of "sounds" being awakened in a person also tickled my heart and made it jump, giddy. Most certainly this poem has made me laugh in my soul with delight. I found the Evoca quite interesting as well; it's the first I have ever listening to. Is that you reading?

[Camoens, The Shadow-fir..]

Despite the other 60 reviews before me, as I was less fortunate as not to find this gem sooner, Your hold a very beautiful way with words, it shows how deeply you feel, to such a point where whoever you aimed this at, must feel very much wanted. Or if you just wrote it, simply to write it, its a feet to itself, you did an amazing job, And hearing you say your own poem, drove how it was meant to be read, making it that much more lovely. Your feeling came through the poem wonderfuly.

There is only one thing which I could see that could be changed, and thats in the written form, none of your lines, or sentances are capitalized, but this is a stunning work of art, Good job, keep writing like this and my favorites library won't have room for anything else. Excellent write.

Sincerely from the Darkness,
The Shadow-fire Poet

[Ashton]

Sorry it took me so long to read this one. School is really crazy right now. Anyway, I like it a lot. You blended your spanish in better than mine I think. :)

[Doom]

Well, since you mentioned good ol Pablo ... I've got to tell you a story now. I was subbing for 5th grade I think, and this bookish tom boy of a girl came up to me and asked me what I was reading. I happened to be reading Neruda, I told her it was poetry, and showed her how one side had spanish and the other a crappy translation. She asked to borrow the book for her next class, so I gave it to her. Then she brought it back at the end of the day and said thanks.


So ... the line breaks here don't work for me. You read it fluidly, but for how it's written (on the page), I'd expect it to be read with more emphasis on the beginning and end words of the lines/ stanzas. I'm not saying you did a bad job reading this, because I enjoyed hearing your words. Yeah, good thing you put it up there because I'd have a different opinion otherwise.

Next, I really don't know what you're trying to tell me here. I mean you've got some wonderful images and some original phrases (spanish lilts = grade a), but I'm not coming away from this piece and thinking hey, I learned something about myself. The last stanza is an interesting situation that I think should be elaborated. Overall I'm just getting this like slighty erotic (I feel dirty for using that word), disjointed commercial. You didn't really elaborate on what you wrote. If you were able to pick a few of the images here and run with it, I think it'd work even better than it already has.


Lastly, I think name dropping is one of those hard things to do. If you make it too obscure, then nobody will get the reference, but if it's too common it's almost as bad as using a cliche. I think spanish poetry would still be spanish poetry without Neruda.


Your voice has made it almost impossible for me to give this an impartial reading.



Doom

[[untitled]]

You rock so does this ---- if i read you
spanish poetry
will you
ad�reme.

[Tom Delio]

Very beautifully written. I love the small infusions of Spanish to English dialect. I think I'm still stunned by how captivating it all was.

[Barry S. Maltese]

Great poem. The emotions of love come through your words. I enjoyed it emensely.
Keep up the great work

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

An achingly romantic piece, beautifully written...sweetly and delicately voiced. A wonderfully vibrant piece that captures the warmest essence of Spain. The spirit of the culture really comes alive in this.