superficial scarring

she hides her pain
behind a mask of explosive
apathy.

"i don't f*****g care!" she screams
punching the wall
and bleeding from her knuckled heart.

her razor sharp tongue
cuts across her skin
and releases
some of her
screams.

the scars will remind her
how desperate life
can be.

"i don't f*****g care" she insists
throwing her glasses to the wall
and shattering the silences.

with a determined grimace
she twists the pieces of metal frame
'til they snap
and places the razor edge to her skin.

"i don't f*****g care" she shouts
above the voices that mock her.
the hands that reach out to her
are thrashed violently away.

so
i step aside and watch
pieces of her die.

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

WOW!!! Very deep. this made me feel as if maybe the speaker was almost like 2 people. Maybe like if one was the inter child and the speaker was not ready to let it go yet. Even though the inter child knew it had to leave and did so by taking its own life. Hmmmmm maybe I am just reading into it to deep as well.
Great job Loved it
Robert

[[untitled]]

"i don't f*****g care" she insists
throwing her glasses to the wall
and shattering the "silences."

should be silence.

this line stood out for me...

so
i step aside to watch
pieces of her die.

but i might change "and" to "to"... if it's all in the present tense (like a first hand account)... otherwise, past tense might work better.

so
i stepped aside to watch (or "and watched" )
pieces of her die.

[Brandon T. Bisceglia]

Beautiful. I usually crings at the cliches of poetry about suicidal tendencies or self-mutilation (it seems as though every high-school kid has written at least one), but this is clever and poignant. I especially like the image of a "knuckled heart", and I'm fond of the way in which the speaker watches "pieces of her die". When a piece of you dies, what becomes of the rest?

[You Don't Know Me]

Paul said it best. when I read it, I definitely felt like it was the girl stepping outside of herself and watching herself die. this was really powerful, that it played out so vividly in my mind.

[Kira Stegman]

I can totally feel the anger, frustration, and loss in this piece. I like that you don't say exactly what is so upsetting to the speaker, but just leave us with the pain.

Each line in this piece holds so much. I really like the opening:

she hides her pain
behind a mask of explosive
apathy.

I think so many people do that, and the way you explain it is amazing. Great work.

[Paul D. Aronson]

wow, this is so well written I feel like i am there as a helpless bystander. The images of her flinging her glasses against the wall and then using them as an instrument of her release is so vivid. Also the ending brings an added depth and in my opinion can mean different things. One, it could be a witness to this event deciding to just step out of the way and let things happen, or it could be the girl herself retreating away from her own torment to watch herself die. If i have to interpret it I pick the latter, for it brings a deeper resonance to this whole piece that way. Excellent write!

[Kelly D.]

Wow. The best I've read of yours sweetie. I relate to this more than I want to.

"and bleeding from her knuckled heart"

Yes, yes, yes....

[Roger F Aucoin]

I've been and am a 'watcher' - nice job!