he's passing through my heart / stealing all my breath

"please don't go," i whisper
into the curves of his lips.
[clutching his fingers to my chest]
i smile, lest he notice
the trembling tears upon my cheek
but it's too late, i'm weak,
and crumbling at his feet.

"please stay," i breathe
into the palm of his hand.
[as i press a kiss to his skin]
his eyes peruse me with innocent disdain
and suddenly 'i love you'
sounds like a ridiculous refrain.

"but i love you," i gasp
with the last vestige of my pride.
[feeling his fingers slip from my touch]
i can't; it's too much,
so I allow my dewy eyes reprieve
yet somehow through the darkness
i see him leave
i see him leave.

Reviews

[Gordon Greene]

And with this... she returns.

This piece shows why there is a hole in the Cafe' without your work.
So simplistically stated, but with beauty and brilliance... you have written about a depth of loss that only an artist could feel.

Lovely work... Gordon

[Mr. Deft Diction]

Damn. Trying to hold on to what makes us breathe can sometimes be tougher than the act of breathing in itself.

Excellent imagery and insight!

[Stacey]

Ahhh you have reminded me of why I joined this website. It's so easy to sympathize with people when they know how to make their writing sound so natural and real and you do that very(!) well. I'm amazed at your ability to make your poetry rhyme without sounding like it has some boring typical pattern! Seriously...I can hear a voice pleading when I read this...rather than my own voice struggling to find a rhythm which many poets seem to lack.

[A.T.B.]

That moment when all have been decided and nothing you can do will change. The moment you know you should cut your loss and move on, but you can't. You expressed it beautifully. I wrote about that same moment in THE PASSING ANGEL. I like your poem.

[TAYLOR]

such a beautiful and sad write..you capture the emotion of the minute so precise....fabulous write

[Gandré]

oh this was so dear honestly with love. less longing just living a feeling. he possess everything, it must be so. I like the structure of those 3 lines in each stanza. In love with this!!

[Ron Cole]

Kara, this poem does such a good job of instilling the desperate, longing feeling of parting from a loved one, or loosing one! It is brilliantly intimate, and very touching in its structure and message! Nice work!

[dele]

this is amazing. it captures the pain and sacrifice of (perhaps healthy) pride, involved when loving someone who maybe doesnt love you anymore. an ugly thing but a beautiful poem

[Michael Soul]

wow this is brill i love this your words are full

[Richard Hartshorn]

I agree with Brian; very well executed for something that has such a distinct scheme to it. The parts with the [] and the repetition at the end were most effective. I can really feel the sting that I think you must have been feeling when you wrote this.

"so I allow my dewy eyes reprieve
yet somehow through the darkness
i see him leave "

great imagery.

[PianoandPage]

i really like this piece and i'm not usually all about rhyming poetry but this has such good and intereseting form and flow and the rhymes aren't forced.

the poem progresses very well.