into pieces

brush against my bark

[i will surrender] ...and fall

into your waters

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

What a beautifully short piece on the effects of love... yes talent you are full of.

[Sparrow]

Thanks for your submission to the True Talent contest, winners will be announced shortly I promise. Good luck!

-Sparrow

[zig]

i have to disagree with adamdust, with all due respect. his description of haiku, in regards to the transformation or metamorphasis, sound more like tanka, (tanka being the grandfather of haiku, but not really the same thing). haiku is more about sensation and "moment" than any kind of meaning. this is a misconception and i dont know why ist this being made.

what i thought this haiku lacked was object, it reads like abstact statement about love, which is not an element of haiku, it lacks an element of season, the basis of time and moment.

it very beautiful, and smooth, but not really haiku. thanks for sharing this. zig

[Fran Marie]

A lovely Haiku piece penned so beautifully~ THanks for entering~and GL in the contest~Fran Marie

[Mark Pearce]

OOOOOH I like this.

It has that nature touch that makes it so authentic. Plus it's immediately metaphorical.

My Haiku's are just...syllable counts compared to this.

[Arlolee]

NICE HAIKU......SO FULL OF HEART......BUT WHAT IF I BRUSHED TO HARD WILL YOU GET HURT?...OR TO SOFT WOULD YOU EVEN FEEL?..........JUST A THOUGHT!


♥-ARLOLEE-

[Adamdust]

Hi Kara
you know i'ma haiku nut, so i hope you take my review both seriously and with a huge bolder of salt, because i dig your stuff - just not this. but i'll explain why.

i lost my original review of this. damn hyperlink to the right took it when i clicked on it by acccident. alright, ill try.

so after spending such careful time before, i'll just get to the point:

its vague and reads like a sentence

its vague because i'm not sure from reading this what is doing the brushing, and what it is that possesses the water. People get excited when they see something written in 5-7-5, they say "oo, i love haiku" but the content is so much more important to a successful haiku than the syllable count. seriously, if it was merely a syllable count that made or broke a haiku i'd publish a hundred grocery lists written by my mother!

because it reads like a sentence, it doesn't break something into a juxtaposing scenario. its like if someone were to write:

the horizon
is darkened with
drifts of cloud

its got the spirit, but it doesn't have the delivery.

it isn't tight because the words force us to conjure our own understanding, or illusion of these sensations. i can feel my own arm dipping into cool water, i can feel my hand against moist bark after a rain, i can also remember running after the ice-cream truck but none of these images are conveyed verbatim in the haiku.

haiku takes a concrete perception and reveals it, then it juxtaposes it to something else and thus reveals something interconnected about nature, humans included or not is up to you.

so now i'm forced to ask the author, what was your aim, purpose, you target effect in this haiku?
i think you know haiku better than most people on this sight, i've read some of your reviews.

[Nancy Mc.]

This is the first sensual haiku I have read (hope that is the right word) It is so well done. I can all most feel someone lite touch.

[Roger F Aucoin]

Nicely done.

[Alexis Ryan]

nice.