Alone

Wavering they are,

Those lines of light,

They are dancing

Within dots of darkness

Might I faint?

And fall from this place?

Might I then die

And be allowed to leave this world behind

For whatever lies beyond?

That's what I see

In these bright drops,

These pieces of my soul

That remind me

How hungry my heart is,

How the comforting voice

Is no longer near

How the cheering face

Is never to return

How even the deepest canyon

Could not be filled

With as much as can be lost

 

That's what these bright, falling things show me,

That stream down my face,

That do not yield for an open door

Author's Note

Advice? Plz <3

Reviews

[Poeticpiers]

beautifully expressed your loss and heart ache are palpable. The content is excellent You deliver your thoughts in well written poetic prose
the differing line lengths and lack of meter detract from the smooth flow if read aloud, which is the acid test for your poems.They shoulf flow as smoothly as warm honey on hot pancakes

[Kaye]

That was brilliant!!!!
Tears as light... wow. It's a beautiful metaphor poetically, but personally it makes me want to run over there and hug you. T__T

I would say that the phrasing of the first line when combined with the third line is awkward to read, mostly because of the repeated "they" but also because of the odd phrasing in the first line. I would say that either losing the second "they" or rewording the first line would help the poem start off much more fluidly.

You do repeat the word "that" at the beginning of many lines. It might soften the poem a bit and make it easier to sympathize with if you change some of them.

It's beautiful! I love it. I'm coming to hug you now. Don't cry anymore T__T