Betrayal

Betrayal of a friend.

Betrayal

 

By : Alasse Fefalas

 

How would I know that
It was you after all
One that betrayed my trust
One that betrayed my friendship
One that shattered my life

 

I had been wrong
All this time
When I trusted you
When I befriended you
When I let you into my life

 

You have shattered me
My life and my goals all
You have caused me pain
You have caused me misery
You are not my friend

 

How can I trust anyone again?
How can befriend anyone again?
I trusted you with all my heart
Yet you threw it away like paper
This scar of mine will never disappear

 

My life has been scarred
By one I would have never think
One so close to me
My dear friend
You have betrayed me

Author's Note

Review please! ;)

Reviews

[MandarinOranges]

The pain of betryal by a close friend is damn near indiscribable, but you've done well with it here.
There are only a few things I would suggest.
First, I think you forgot an "I" in the 17th line. Second, I think this poem would benifit from the use of punctuation.

My life has been scarred
By one I would never think, (I think I would also eliminate the word "have" in this line)
One so close to me!
My dear friend,
You have betrayed me.

Just an example.

You might also want to keep with the repetitive scheme you have going by changing up the lines a bit in the 5th and 6th stanzas. For instance:

I trusted you with all my heart,
Yet you threw it away like paper.
How can I trust anyone again?
How can befriend anyone again?
How will this scar of mine ever disappear?

Really, this is an awesome poem. I luv the emotion I can feel when I read it. Polish it up a bit, and you'll have a real gem!

[L.G. Knight]

This was very well written it had a great flow and a wonderful way with transferring the emotion to the reader. I only have one suggestion in the last stanz where it says
"My life has been scarred
By one I would have never think
One so close to me
My dear friend
You have betrayed me"
On the second line I would change it to "By one I would've never thought" To have it make more since.
Nicely done!

[Ian]

Wonderful piece!
So full of raw emotion...
It's hard to think that somebody you call "friend" can betray you...
This is so hurtful... but it's has such a beauty...
I like this poem a lot!
Awesome write!

[poet2angels (lynda)]

So much emotion in this piece...
Betrayal is such a heartbreaking thing to go through.
You expressed the feelings well in this piece...

Thank you for entering!

Lynda

[The Grammar Nazi]

This is a very good write. It's really well penned, with the exception of this line:

"By one I would have never think"

It makes sense, but it takes away from the penmenship by being improper grammar. "Think" isn't really meant to be used at the end of a sentence, unless it's a question like "What do you think?" It's up to you how you write, as it's you work (very good work, at that,) but I think that "think" would work better as "thought" in that sentence. "By one I would have never thought" sounds more proper. Just a suggestion. It works well either way, because it makes sense as you read it. Keep up the great work!

[bluessadmood]

when we put our trust in a friend we let him in ,we show him in to our life,i say come i will lean on you i have faith in you i believed you ,you are my strength ,you are there when i need you ,i stand bare in front of you ,you are my support ,i do believe in true friends even if i fool self ,thats how i am , i just love to feel life is good that way full of trust ,i can not live alone ,i need my friends around ,and then there comes the hurt least expected ,certainly not from you ,but even though i will still fool myself and give you reason why you failed me,i would never think life could fool me ,you could fool me for i am a dreamer ,and this way i will always be even if they say oh the fool he was and i laugh at them and at me,for i am a dreamer and i know ,i know

[Adrian K. Smith]

Betrayal and abandonment, that scenario and feeling where the tears flow with rage and the rage flows with sorrow. I despise betrayal, though I have manipulated events in such manners before to cause the other to leave me alone when I had hints that they were going to abandon me - for I have this issue with being abandoned, and it has caused me to lash out in the past. This work hits hard, to me, having recently felt such bitter betrayal and the distraught emotions of abandonment. Well done...