It seems

I wrote this after a break up. It took me a while to get back on my feet, but at least something good came out of that.

Even with blue skies,
The rain keeps on coming,
Even if the sun arises,
The night won't leave me.
Piece by piece my soul is being left behind,
Piece by piece my dreams are just falling down.

It seems like it's gonna be a long life
And i will have to live with it
It seems like the storm wont let the calm come
And all i'll see is a black and white rainbow in the sky
It seems like tonight is the night i finally lost you
between these lines, and your lies

Even now i can see you going into the rain
Your perfume slowly fading away
Still there is no way i could forget
Those silent words of good bye
The tears coming out of your eyes
The final kiss, and a whisper that will last a day
Or maybe until we meet again

It seems i still love you
Maybe there is not way to tell
It seems that for you i really fell
I dove into the sweetness of your eyes
It seems that after all there is noting left
Because of all your lies
That left me high and dry
That killed the the part of me that you didn't have.

Reviews

[Rachel U.]

Well-formed poem - your imagery was quite good. I especially liked your reference to "a black and white" rainbow in the sky.
Seeing as you give little stock to grammar, there is not much I can say to you on that front (which is unfortunate, seeing as the English syntax is one of my specialites =P). Stylistically, watch your commas. They're a little messy in parts. Overall, I very much liked it; your theme was understandable, but simultaneously intriguing and presented in a fairly fresh manner. Good job.