Suspicious Girl

A short story from my poem....

    A slim curvaceous brunette girl walking slowly with confidence down the street, she stuns everybody by her exotic looks.  She is envied by her family, by the way she walks, her long curly brunette hair that flows with the wind and in her face, her emerald green eyes that people love.  She is flawless everyday and how she presents herself.  Never does she think twice about her actions, when she has an idea she goes for it without doubt.  The path she walks down is an unrealistic told story.  She likes horror gory movies, which they don’t give her a scare.  She is curious about the making and meaning of the untold mysteries of cases.  Then again, this alluring goddess of beauty has a little secret herself.  Nobody knows exactly what she does during her spare time, but she is always seen at this romantic restaurant, Luigi’s Italian.  Nevertheless she loves to go on dates with different guys, just to find the right one and the one that would suit her needs.  In the past this girl never had any luck with guys in school because she was too skinny and didn’t pamper herself as a girl.  She wore sporty baggy clothes, and didn’t care what other people thought of her style.  As she grew up she started to admire wearing dresses because they made her feel beautiful and ever since that moment she put on that pink low cut high cut skirt with a pair of black Mary Janes she felt ravishing (beautiful). 

This girl never did that well in school with her grades, but once she got into college for her major in Fashion Merchandising/Designing, she wanted to create dresses for little girls and young women so they could feel ravishing and stunning also; just to have them feel how she felt once she put on that pink dress.  The dream that she wants is filled with new designs of dresses, having her own clothing store with super new designs colors style of dresses, and many pairs of Mary Janes that go with many of her unique dresses.  She knows that she has a long way to go to fulfill her dream, and is too impatient.  The only thing that is keeping her mind on her path is seeing the faces on the little girls and young women when they see her designs and how the dresses look on them.  

Could there be a future with her and a man?  Unlike her pickiness for men, is ever so mystifying because one day she is into the crazy bad boys, then one day she is going for the nice gentlemen.  She is undecided in what she wants and unsure what the whole idea of a right guy or ideal companion is.  Her family is not a great example because they all fight and get separated, and that gives her an unclear idea about the perfect relationship and what two people may share with one another. 

Every single day that she wakes up she puts her red lipstick on along with a red or black dress following with her black or brown mary jane shoes she had since she was a little girl.   Along with her stunning appearance  she goes to work at the local clothing store  down the street called Sparrows.  She worked there for  two years, and once in  a while a group of guys would come in  just to see her pretty face.  Not sure how many guys she met for the past two years shes been working.  Its like everyday she is out and about with at least two guys a night one before the other date. The only mystery is that people see the men arrive at her place but never sees them leave.  What can possibly be going on every night.

Well anyway, she goes to her work at Sparrows, and always meets a bunch of guys each day and gives out her number to practically every single guy that asks.  The only thing that she did not do was to sell herself to the guys.  She would have them get her at her place and she would go to Luigi's two times a night because she would have two dates a night.  After the first date she would have the guy bring her home and go inside and watch a movie, but the only downside is that he wouldn't leave.  When her second date would arrive she would do the exact same thing go to Luigi's, drive to her place and watch a movie then he wouldn't leave just like the other guy.

 

            All the neighbors were mystified, and curious. They started to have great suspicions about her, and never looked at her the same.  The next day after her two dates she did her usual at looking good, and she noticed that all the people she walked by looked down at her and never laid an eye on her.  She thought that maybe she didn’t do her make-up, hair, or dress properly.  She said hello to a majority of people and they walked by her like she wasn’t even there.  Yes, she was very disappointed, but the only right thing about the day was that all the men at the store greeted her the same way and never looked down on her.  She asked the guys if she is looking like she does every day, and they said even more astonishing than the day before.

Author's Note

Still working on it, more to come little by little.

Reviews

[The Scanners See Sound]

The haphazard grammar/punctuation, and somewhat distorted narration made this a rather difficult read; definitely tricky to critique fairly.

My advice is to take it down for now, polish it, then present it again as a finished rough draft.