Vulnerability

"I've been in love before", I told her. I'm susceptible.

"A little lust won't hurt you" she said disregarding that word. Love.

One drink, two, three I put down. Looking to my left and seeing her first half full.

In touch with reality she stayed. So grounded. So aware.

In and out I went. Clenching to reality with all I had. The reality that I'm unloveable.

I've loved 1 girl, 2 girls, 3, 4 another drink 5, one more, 6.

Her face started looking better and better. Oh no. 7, 8.

She softly and sweetly sang along to her indie playlist. Oh no, I'm falling.

9. She looked at me. I could feel the stupid look on my face. I smiled.

She giggled and looked down. 10. Wow, she's an angel.

She got up and poured more ale into her half full mug. 

I grasped the legs of the nearest chair and pulled to get my wobbly self up to her level.

Resting my elbows on her kitchen counter. Looking over at her off guard actions.

It was like I was watching a movie of a beautiful girl going about her day. So unaware. But so aware.

Her kitchen's so bright, and the tiled floor is so white it's starting to sober me up.

11. I can keep drinking but it won't stop me from arriving to the reality that she's too good for me.

12. She may be drunk enough to kiss me but she won't be drunk enough to stay. 13. She must've finished 

her first drink, right? Right? 

14. Please, not this again. Not the cycle where I fall in love, at least I think it's love, and then get left to my devices.

15. Why does she keep smiling and inching closer. Why does she lead me on?

16. I love you.