Scotty & Fitz: Episode 1

Pilot episode for my unaired TV screenplay sitcom, Scotty & Fitz

Scotty & Fitz

-Draft-

Character descriptions (as appearing in episode):

Scotty Hanes: 28 years old. macho man. tough exterior. hardly shows emotions. ladies man.

Construction worker, immature, not too bright…

Fitz Landis: 25 years old. High level of intelligence, nerdy, socially awkward, frequently discusses science. Skinny, lanky, awkward demeanor. Assistant to a chemistry professor at a university.

AJ Martinez: 27 years old. Best friend of Scotty. Ladies man, romantic. Short stature. Construction worker.

Carol Hanes: 55 years old. Sweet voice, soft spoke, generous demeanor. Mother of Scotty Hanes, stay at home wife (and mother) 

Luther Hanes: 60 years old, head full of gray hair, tends to avoid trouble, business man.

Together, they bring out different sides of each other they didn't know they had. 

*Meet through Scotty’s friend when Scotty is looking for a roommate to split apartment rent. His friend AJ’s sister’s chemistry assistant teacher 

Throughout the course of the show, the two leading characters balance each others lives out. Scotty learns slowly how to be more compassionate, and grow up, and Fitz learns how to loosen up, be more likable (less socially awkward) and perhaps even go on a date!(?) They change each other’s lives by giving each other a chance and become two peas in a pod! 

Episode 1; Pilot

Scene 1

*a pub after work, Scotty Hanes and his best friend AJ Martinez are sitting at the bar after work at their construction job.*

AJ: *Spots a gorgeous, flat-chested waitress walking out of the kitchen* Okay, okay,  what about her?

Scotty: *sees girl* No man, I’m tellin’ you she’s not a ten. 

AJ: Are you KIDDING? Dude, she’s like an 11 in my book. *Spots another gorgeous, but flat-chested customer walking into the pub* Adios Mio!!! What about babe at 10 o’clock?

Scotty: Man, you know how I am with time.

AJ: The door, Scotty. The girl by the door.

Scotty: No dude. She’s like a 3, maybe a 4. 

AJ: *turns around, and sees big-chested waitress with a unibrow* *cracks smile* Okay, what about that cutie?

Scotty: *turns around* Yes! Now we’re talkin, my man! 

AJ: wha"what. But she’s"

Scotty: The most beautiful girl in here!

AJ: Ok, um"

Scotty: And that makes her a 10! and don’t I deserve a 10?

Female Bartender: *looking at Scotty* Okay Gaston…. *looks at AJ* Lefou. Either get a couple beers, or get out.

*Scotty and AJ look at each other embarrassed but humorously* 

Scene 2

*Scotty and AJ return to Scotty’s house. He lives with his parents and they are walking through the front door, of a small house, with plastic covered furniture and fairly small quarters*

AJ: *mid-sentence* Look, all I’m saying is I don’t think you’ve ever seen a girl’s face, or looked her in the eye.

Scotty: I look at girls all the time man, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

*Scotty’s mother Carol enters room. 

Carol: Hi boys, I made some cinnamon rolls! 

Scotty: *without turning around or even glancing in her direction, but looking at AJ* Okay mom.

AJ: *gives sharp look to Scotty* Wow, Mrs. Hanes that sounds great.

Carol: Thank you, AJ! *gives sharp glance at Scotty, who still is cluelessly standing there and starting to zone out* They’re on the stove *pats AJ on the arm, and exits*

AJ: Man, I love your mom.

Scotty: *shocked look spreads across face* oh my GOD! She is a happily married woman!”

AJ: *cracking up* Dude, no not like that"

Scotty: And I’ll have you know my father is a GREAT man!

*Scotty’s father, Luther Hanes enters the room. He has a perplexed look on his face*

Luther: Hey Scotty, have you perchance seen my"

Scotty: NOT, TODAY DAD! 

Luther: *Wide-eyed, he promptly turns around mid walking into the room, and exits*

AJ: Okay, dude. You seriously treat your parents awfully.

Scotty: *still aggravated by previous argument* What are you talking about? Everyone gets annoyed with their parents.

AJ: Yeah, when they’re like 12. Dude, you are way too old for this!

Scotty: You mean to tell me you never argue with your mom?

AJ: *serious look on face, speaks very fast* You best believe I don’t be arguin with mama Martinez! 

Scotty: Um…okay.

AJ: I think the problem here is you’re going to be 30 in a few years"

Scotty: That means NOTHING! 

AJ: AND YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS!!!

Scotty: *groans, falls and sprawls out on couch, reassembling a toddler tantrum* maybe you’re right. You know, I have always dreamed of movin’ out and getting my own bachelor pad… y’know, like you have.

AJ: *proud smirk* I do have a bachelor pad, don’t I?

Scotty: *Looks up at him, nods*

AJ: I’d have you move in dude, but my roommate is the only reason we can afford that place. This construction job would not be keeping us afloat if it were, say, you and me.

Scotty: Ohhhh, I see! So I need to find a rich person to room with, and then I can live in a bachelor pad?!

AJ: …Or…. and I’m just spit balling here… Find a reasonably priced apartment and any roommate you can get.

Scotty: I wouldn’t even no where to start looking for a roommate!

AJ: You just have to put in ad in the paper! I’ll even pitch in for that. Then you can interview people, and boom! 

Scotty: Okay. Okay, sweet. Scotty Hanes is MOVIN’ OUT!

Carol: *not visible, calling from kitchen* Cinnamon rolls are getting cold!

Scotty: Riiiiiight after I eat my mommy’s cinnamon rolls! *runs into kitchen like a little girl*

AJ: *disapproving head nod, follows after him*

Scene 3

*Home of Scotty Hanes, Scotty is sitting in the kitchen at the table, surrounded by young and attractive women who are all making flirtatious gestures and leaning over toward him*

AJ: *walks into kitchen, stares at Scotty, then the girls, then Scotty, then the girls* Okay, what the hell is going on right now…?

Scotty: *sees AJ, jumps out of chair* Oh hey, dude. Thanks a bunch for the interview idea. It’s uh… *looks back at all the girls giggling and looking back at him* going pretty well.

AJ: Okay, listen here Hugh Heffner and listen good, the idea was to find someone suitable to live with, find out their financial information and what kind of person they are… not a new….MATE. 

Scotty: Oh, well actually Candice and Kelsey over there don’t have a steady income other than dancing, and Lisa is completely unemployed, but I"-uh"well I said we could make it work. *looks at one of the girls, and winks*

AJ: Dude. At this rate your options are move out and crash and burn, or live with your parents for the rest of your life.

Scotty: No! AJ, No! You know I can’t do this anymore! Please just help me. 

AJ: Okay, but it’s time to be serious. Now go say goodbye to thing 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. 

Scotty: *face full of pain, turns around toward girls* Please leave.

*The girls look at each other all confused, and head for the door*

Scotty: *as each girl passes, he says “call me” and slaps the last girl on the butt*

AJ: Okay, this is good. Making progress. Now, I know a guy who needs a roommate. He’s financially stable, neat, easy to live with, I can imagine.

Scotty: Who is it?

AJ: I don’t actually know him personally, but he’s my little sister’s assistant chemistry teacher. 

Scotty: *looks skeptical*

AJ: Okay now, look. I can set up a meeting with all 3 of us, and you’ll see it’ll work out!

*coffee house, AJ, standing up beside table, Scotty is sitting in front of Fitz Landis, an awkward, lanky, nerdy man, 25 years old, who is sitting in front of Scotty, smiling at him*

Scotty: *looks at Fitz, looks at AJ* Nope. *Gets up and exits coffee house*

AJ: one moment please. *Runs after Scotty*

Scene 4

*Hanes residence- Scotty enters the main living area and slams the door behind him but it is caught by AJ who is exhausted from chasing after him*

AJ: *Panting, sweating and trying to catch breath* ….What in the HELL are you doing!?

Scotty: *picking up a magazine off the coffee table* Whaddya mean? Oof, you’re sweating kind of profusely there, bud.

AJ: You don’t say! Dude, why did you think it was okay to just walk out of the coffee house like that? Out of your best option of moving out and having a roommate?!

Scotty: I wouldn’t say it was the best-

AJ: I contacted Fitz for you! I told him how awesome of a friend you were and how you’d be so easy to live with, and you can’t even sit there and talk to the dude?

Scotty: I was uncomfortable with his-

AJ: Uncomfortable! You leave a brother hangin’ like that, having to run out of the coffee shop leaving that poor dude alone so I can retrieve you because you were “uncomfortable”?! That was disgustingly mean and you need to apologize.

Scotty: Pshh dude, I never apologize

AJ: “I never apologize” he says. Sometimes I wonder if you’re ever going to grow the hell up and stop acting like you’re the VIP of High School.

Scotty: You’re right.

AJ: And another thing! Wait, what…

Scotty: You’re right. Ok? I do need to get my stuff together I guess. You did a lot to help me man, and I’m sorry. But things are happening really fast and I never pictured myself with a man…quite his style. 

AJ: Ya mean, smart?

Scotty: UGH! Yeah…

AJ: Give him a chance, man. Just be a grown man and give him a call because until you learn how to act like a regular human being, I’m not intervening with your problems anymore. *Exits*

Scotty: *Stares at door AJ has just exited out of, then reaches for the phone*

Scene 5

*Chicago Bulls game, high up stadium seating*

Scotty: So dude I really want to thank you for accepting my apology and coming to the game with me, seeing as me and AJ are having…creative differences at the moment.

Fitz: It’s quite alright. I enjoy being in new places and taking in all of the new surroundings. Besides, I’m used to being snubbed. 

Scotty: Uh-huh. So uh, not into basketball then, huh? 

Fitz: I tend to shy away from the athletics, but I once got to carry my dad’s golf clubs around the course for him. Does that count?

Scotty: Uhhh… nahhh.

Fitz: Right. 

Scotty: Well, anyway I don’t know what exactly AJ had said to you before we got together but" *reacting to the basketball game* WHAT!!!? GOAL TENDING!!! NO! CALL IT! 

Fitz: But? Well, I think I know where this is going and I’d just like to say"

Scotty: Hold on man, there’s under a minute left and the Knicks are only down by 2…If he can make this basket… That’s it. It’s all over for the Bulls.

Fitz: *awkwardly and quietly cheers* Woo! Let’s go Knicks!

Scotty: No buddy he’s on the wrong team.

Fitz: So we want the Bulls to win?

Scotty: Well this is Chicago.

Fitz: Uhh…right. Sorry.

Scotty: *looks up* Dear God, if he doesn’t make this shot, I’ll be celibate for a whole month. 

Fitz: *looks at Scotty, looks away* Interesting. Now, which one will be shooting the ball?

Scotty: Well that would be the shooting guard.

Fitz: Right. And he would be?

Scotty: The one with the BALL!

Fitz: Right, right, of course.… Pshh from where he’s standing? A man like him is probably about, 6’8. To make this shot he would have to launch the ball at a 49.4 degree angle, and *giggles* from where he is that’s just not going to happen.

Scotty: Ha! Rule #1 of sports: Expect the unexpected. He’s going to drive it… 

*BUZZER*

Sportscaster: That’s it! Chicago Bulls take the win, 55 to-

Scotty: *looks at Fitz, looks away* Interesting…

Scene 6

*Scotty, Fitz, and AJ are at the pub*

Scotty: *To AJ* 20 seconds left, and he totally predicted the future man. He knew he wasn’t going to make the shot for the Knicks. I’m telling you, he’s like psychic man.

Fitz: Oh, please it’s just the properties of Physics that was on your side, not me.

Scotty: Well, cheers to Physics! 

*Everyone clinks their beer glasses and chug, including Fitz who delicately chugs with his palm on the bottom of the glass*

AJ: So did you guys discuss the rooming situation?

Scotty: Oh geez, I totally forgot! I was going to tell you when we were there… Well, I was going to ask you if you still needed a roommate? 

Fitz: I tried to tell you back there before you interrupted me, I don’t need a roommate.

Scotty: I see…

Fitz: However, I’d love to have one. After meeting you, I think this could work out. I mean seeing our character dynamic and how our personalities are such an intense contrast, it could make for some comedic situations, humorous montages, and interesting shenanigans. 

*Silence, AJ and Scotty stare at Fitz*

Fitz: So I suppose you’re going to uh, walk out again?

Scotty: *getting up and heading for the door* mmhm.

AJ: Yeahhh… we’ll be in touch. *gets up, grabs jacket* We can all chill at my crib tomorrow so you guys can hash everything out.

Fitz: Sounds ideal!

AJ: *nods, smiles, walks away*

Fitz: It’s alright fellas, don’t worry about it, I’ve got the tab! *to bartender* Here, *reaches for wallet, puts money on bar* I’m paying for the fellas, too.

Bartender: *smiles and nods sarcastically, takes money*

Fitz: *Picks up jacket, takes cellphone out of pocket, and heads for the door. Before he exits you hear* Mother, you’re not going to BELIEVE what happened today… *smiling, shakes head, exits.* 

Author's Note

(Draft)
I don't need heavy feedback, just a general comment or 2. Did you like it? Would you change anything? Would you want to see more? And would you watch this show if it was on TV?

Thank you so much for the support!